shattered (drabble)
Title: shattered
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Hunhan
Length: 1006 words
Summary: Sehun waits in vain, and he knows it, but part of him always hopes that one day, Luhan will come out of his delusional fantasy world and realize how much Sehun loves him.
shattered
luhan likes fantasy-he lives and breathes in his own little delusional world of magical manga romances and fairy tale stories. sehun doesn’t understand why luhan actually believes such nonsense is real, but there are a lot of things he doesn’t understand about luhan and his imagination.
luhan thinks that he’ll fall in love with a prince someday, someone high and noble who will realize him for his true worth and they’ll walk off into the sunset and live together happily ever after. he even tells sehun about his daydreams of a life in a castle, surrounded by magical beasts and supernatural beings, in love and on a quest to save the world with his soul mate. magical beasts and supernatural beings don’t exist is what sehun tells him, and part of him wants to scream out, damn it, hyung, do you really have to go chase after some fancy, high class guy? aren’t i good enough for you?
sehun hopes that one day, luhan will wake up from his stupid clouds in the sky and look around and realize that sehun has always been there for him, always will be there for him. he hopes that luhan will finally understand that sehun is as good as-no, even better-than any nonexistent prince, because sehun loves luhan to the point of distraction and some drawn-out manga character with girly hair sure as hell doesn’t.
it’s a vain hope, and he knows it, but part of him always wishes for it.
sometimes, sehun isn’t sure if luhan’s fantasies are of real people or made up characters or a combination of both. either way, it’s quite disconcerting to find himself vying for attention against some strange person with an unpronounceable name who doesn’t even live, and sehun hates it because he never wins. ever.
he wonders if luhan is insane for believing, loving people who only exist as printed ink on paper. with his cute blank stare and large bambi eyes, luhan doesn’t pass off as someone who looks insane, although there’s always the chance that he is, because luhan is obviously not dim (despite the entire obsession with fantasy and manga), and sehun doubts a sane, intelligent person would agree when sehun climbs into his bed at night and asks him to kiss him senseless, then not think anything of it afterwards.
i can’t sleep, he announces as he slides under the covers, because he can’t stand not being next to luhan anymore. hyung, can i sleep with you instead? i’ll feel safer with you.
luhan doesn’t even hesitate and wraps an arm around sehun as they lie together, staring up at the ceiling. hyung, sehun asks after a few minutes, can you do me a favor?
yeah? is the response, and sehun almost doesn’t say what he’s going to say next, but he forces himself to at the very last moment.
kiss me, hyung. he pauses, taking shallow breaths as he waits for luhan’s answer. he waits for luhan to mock him and ask him if there’s something wrong with him.
luhan laughs instead. is that how you fall asleep? by being kissed? i can do that for you if it really helps.
he almost can’t breathe in his surprise. may…may i kiss you first?
more laughter, low and soft, and sehun shivers at the sound of it close to his ear. you’re like a child, you know? kiss away.
i love you, sehun thinks fiercely with each kiss he plants on luhan’s soft skin, trailing his way across luhan’s jaw and down his bare neck. i love you, hyung. i will always love you. and when luhan pulls him closer and kisses him, slowly at first, tracing intoxicating circles on the inside of sehun’s wrist with his fingers, sehun tries to delude himself that luhan truly does love him. it’s easy to forget himself when luhan gets tired of the lazy kisses and instead wrestles sehun in a heated battle of dominance between tongues, then nibbles gently on sehun’s bottom lip in a teasing way when they’re done that makes sehun moan and cling even closer to luhan’s perfect body.
in the morning, when sehun wakes up next to luhan, he wakes up to see luhan smiling at him, and for a moment, he feels a rush of hope-and good morning, sehun-ah, luhan tells him, throwing back the covers, i hoped you slept well. if you can’t sleep in the future, you can always sleep here. hyung will make you feel better.
wait, sehun says quickly as luhan gets off the bed and begins walking off, i have to tell you something. when luhan looks back, sehun’s throat is suddenly dry and he’s shaking, because now that he’s made up his mind to speak up, he’s too afraid, too afraid that luhan will reject him and scoff at his feelings.
hyung, i love you, he finally manages. really. i love you so much.
luhan merely smiles and pats sehun fondly on the shoulder-i love you too. you’re the best friend anyone could have. thanks for being a brother to me.
he doesn’t understand.
he never understands. he’s too immersed in his fantasies to even think that it’s possible for someone like sehun to love him more than as a friend. luhan gives sehun a smile and walks off, leaving sehun still sitting on the bed, holding back tears as he watches luhan open the door of the bedroom and disappear into the hallway.
can’t you see that i love you? can’t you see that i’m here for you? can’t you stop chasing those imaginary characters in your mind and notice that i’m here, that i’m real, that i actually care about you? can’t you give up on your fantasies and-damn it, hyung, i love you so much and you don’t realize it. won’t you please notice me for once?
but luhan never notices, and sehun is left standing alone, his shattered dreams and hopes slowly crumbling to dust at his feet.
a/n: lol i am completely not myself at the moment. um. i just wrote several things i never write. alksdjfaljdfalfjafjljfaslfj excuse me while i run off and slap some sense into myself. i’m currently in a sort of delirious/am-i-insane/having-mental-problems mode at the moment. sorry. i tend to write a lot of depressing, weird fics when i’m in that mode. i can’t even recognize this. this is not my writing style. i can’t believe i wrote something like this.
um…i’m just going to pretend that i never wrote this >_<
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Hunhan
Length: 1006 words
Summary: Sehun waits in vain, and he knows it, but part of him always hopes that one day, Luhan will come out of his delusional fantasy world and realize how much Sehun loves him.
shattered
luhan likes fantasy-he lives and breathes in his own little delusional world of magical manga romances and fairy tale stories. sehun doesn’t understand why luhan actually believes such nonsense is real, but there are a lot of things he doesn’t understand about luhan and his imagination.
luhan thinks that he’ll fall in love with a prince someday, someone high and noble who will realize him for his true worth and they’ll walk off into the sunset and live together happily ever after. he even tells sehun about his daydreams of a life in a castle, surrounded by magical beasts and supernatural beings, in love and on a quest to save the world with his soul mate. magical beasts and supernatural beings don’t exist is what sehun tells him, and part of him wants to scream out, damn it, hyung, do you really have to go chase after some fancy, high class guy? aren’t i good enough for you?
sehun hopes that one day, luhan will wake up from his stupid clouds in the sky and look around and realize that sehun has always been there for him, always will be there for him. he hopes that luhan will finally understand that sehun is as good as-no, even better-than any nonexistent prince, because sehun loves luhan to the point of distraction and some drawn-out manga character with girly hair sure as hell doesn’t.
it’s a vain hope, and he knows it, but part of him always wishes for it.
sometimes, sehun isn’t sure if luhan’s fantasies are of real people or made up characters or a combination of both. either way, it’s quite disconcerting to find himself vying for attention against some strange person with an unpronounceable name who doesn’t even live, and sehun hates it because he never wins. ever.
he wonders if luhan is insane for believing, loving people who only exist as printed ink on paper. with his cute blank stare and large bambi eyes, luhan doesn’t pass off as someone who looks insane, although there’s always the chance that he is, because luhan is obviously not dim (despite the entire obsession with fantasy and manga), and sehun doubts a sane, intelligent person would agree when sehun climbs into his bed at night and asks him to kiss him senseless, then not think anything of it afterwards.
i can’t sleep, he announces as he slides under the covers, because he can’t stand not being next to luhan anymore. hyung, can i sleep with you instead? i’ll feel safer with you.
luhan doesn’t even hesitate and wraps an arm around sehun as they lie together, staring up at the ceiling. hyung, sehun asks after a few minutes, can you do me a favor?
yeah? is the response, and sehun almost doesn’t say what he’s going to say next, but he forces himself to at the very last moment.
kiss me, hyung. he pauses, taking shallow breaths as he waits for luhan’s answer. he waits for luhan to mock him and ask him if there’s something wrong with him.
luhan laughs instead. is that how you fall asleep? by being kissed? i can do that for you if it really helps.
he almost can’t breathe in his surprise. may…may i kiss you first?
more laughter, low and soft, and sehun shivers at the sound of it close to his ear. you’re like a child, you know? kiss away.
i love you, sehun thinks fiercely with each kiss he plants on luhan’s soft skin, trailing his way across luhan’s jaw and down his bare neck. i love you, hyung. i will always love you. and when luhan pulls him closer and kisses him, slowly at first, tracing intoxicating circles on the inside of sehun’s wrist with his fingers, sehun tries to delude himself that luhan truly does love him. it’s easy to forget himself when luhan gets tired of the lazy kisses and instead wrestles sehun in a heated battle of dominance between tongues, then nibbles gently on sehun’s bottom lip in a teasing way when they’re done that makes sehun moan and cling even closer to luhan’s perfect body.
in the morning, when sehun wakes up next to luhan, he wakes up to see luhan smiling at him, and for a moment, he feels a rush of hope-and good morning, sehun-ah, luhan tells him, throwing back the covers, i hoped you slept well. if you can’t sleep in the future, you can always sleep here. hyung will make you feel better.
wait, sehun says quickly as luhan gets off the bed and begins walking off, i have to tell you something. when luhan looks back, sehun’s throat is suddenly dry and he’s shaking, because now that he’s made up his mind to speak up, he’s too afraid, too afraid that luhan will reject him and scoff at his feelings.
hyung, i love you, he finally manages. really. i love you so much.
luhan merely smiles and pats sehun fondly on the shoulder-i love you too. you’re the best friend anyone could have. thanks for being a brother to me.
he doesn’t understand.
he never understands. he’s too immersed in his fantasies to even think that it’s possible for someone like sehun to love him more than as a friend. luhan gives sehun a smile and walks off, leaving sehun still sitting on the bed, holding back tears as he watches luhan open the door of the bedroom and disappear into the hallway.
can’t you see that i love you? can’t you see that i’m here for you? can’t you stop chasing those imaginary characters in your mind and notice that i’m here, that i’m real, that i actually care about you? can’t you give up on your fantasies and-damn it, hyung, i love you so much and you don’t realize it. won’t you please notice me for once?
but luhan never notices, and sehun is left standing alone, his shattered dreams and hopes slowly crumbling to dust at his feet.
a/n: lol i am completely not myself at the moment. um. i just wrote several things i never write. alksdjfaljdfalfjafjljfaslfj excuse me while i run off and slap some sense into myself. i’m currently in a sort of delirious/am-i-insane/having-mental-problems mode at the moment. sorry. i tend to write a lot of depressing, weird fics when i’m in that mode. i can’t even recognize this. this is not my writing style. i can’t believe i wrote something like this.
um…i’m just going to pretend that i never wrote this >_<