(no subject)

[svt_god2137]

i hate live journal. it is supposed to be a place that u can write all of ur thoughts down in, but i have too many thoughts that go through my head that whenever i want to write i just cant remember all of them. i have wanted to write this entry for about a week now, but i have either been too lazy or tired to write it. i had a pretty cool talk with rick tonight, but the one that i had with him about a week ago was even better. i told him what has been on my mind for almost the whole year so far, even tho i dont really feel like i got anywhere with him. him and ae are really the only two that know. but any ways we got onto the subject of my joining the service and i have seriously considered it. i dont really have anything going for me right now, i have no direction for my future....i am such a loser! he told me that in a was it would be good but, at the same time it wouldnt. he said that it would be good for the same reason that i basically thought of, but he told me that it wouldnt, cuz like i wouldnt be around. i dont really know what he meant by that, but the way i took it made me feel good and that i was special. i dont really know how much i mean to my friends(actually i dont think that i mean a lot to any of them, but thats just the way i am, i have like absolutely no self-esteem), and i really dont care, but all i know is that my friends mean the world to me. all 5 that i can think of. i think that is the only thing that is holding me back from going, because without them, i dont think that i would be able to live. well thats all i can think of on this topic for now.

on another note, work sucked today. for one thing i dont like working doubles anymore, i always end up being in a bad mood for some reason. today i dropped all of the grease all over the parking lot and since i was already in a bad mood, i was even more pissed off. thats all i can really say about work.

i am sooo confused! i love you...