Thinking really kills my brain cells
It's coming up on the 12th anniversary on my father's passing, and its made me think about how much I miss my family. You never know when something is going to happen. When the last time you see someone will be. I don't know what I would do if anything were to ever happen to anyone in my family. I'd be lost without my mom, and I think the family would just fall apart. She's probably the only one that is holding it together anymore. With me being in NY and my brother being a dredge of society and my sister being busy with Connor; I just don't forsee anything good happening if something else major happened to us.
Maybe its just me being a lil bit homesick and crazy I don't know. I just know I'd lose it if I lost my mom. She has always been my anchor. Given we've butted heads too many times to count, but she's my best friend. She gave me life and raised me unselfishly and taught me to be good and caring and loving just like she is.
Losing my dad was the worst thing that could happen to me at 12. Now I realize it made me who I am today. And it also gave me the issues that I have today. Given I'm stubborn and won't go and talk to a professional about anything. But they're all quacks. All theyd do is give me some crazy drug to take 3 times a day and tell me that I am healed.
I don't want to be healed. Not being all there is what makes this world go around. If everyone were sane where would this world be? I know if I stayed straight and narrow, I'd probably be a teacher, bored to my wits end, married to someone I didn't really love, but I did it cause I was supposed to. I know I haven't made right choices at points in my life, and that I am probably the least successfull of all my friends. I know that I'm not where my mom and dad expected me to be at this point in my life, but I know I'll make it there eventually. I'm just taking my time. Exploring life.
You only get one ride.....and I want mine to be something to write home about.
I'm not done with what I am supposed to be. Im just taking a couple years break from the craziness, so I can build myself back up to break back in. To whatever I am supposed to do.
Maybe its just me being a lil bit homesick and crazy I don't know. I just know I'd lose it if I lost my mom. She has always been my anchor. Given we've butted heads too many times to count, but she's my best friend. She gave me life and raised me unselfishly and taught me to be good and caring and loving just like she is.
Losing my dad was the worst thing that could happen to me at 12. Now I realize it made me who I am today. And it also gave me the issues that I have today. Given I'm stubborn and won't go and talk to a professional about anything. But they're all quacks. All theyd do is give me some crazy drug to take 3 times a day and tell me that I am healed.
I don't want to be healed. Not being all there is what makes this world go around. If everyone were sane where would this world be? I know if I stayed straight and narrow, I'd probably be a teacher, bored to my wits end, married to someone I didn't really love, but I did it cause I was supposed to. I know I haven't made right choices at points in my life, and that I am probably the least successfull of all my friends. I know that I'm not where my mom and dad expected me to be at this point in my life, but I know I'll make it there eventually. I'm just taking my time. Exploring life.
You only get one ride.....and I want mine to be something to write home about.
I'm not done with what I am supposed to be. Im just taking a couple years break from the craziness, so I can build myself back up to break back in. To whatever I am supposed to do.