Please, please, please come back and sing to me
Ahhh this is what not eating all day and taking one too many addies will do to you.
It will do you the favor of keeping you up to ponder the five million thoughts running through your head. This probably won't make any sense to anyone but me because these thoughts are so random. They are all starting to blend into one big blur. I begin to forget what or who I'm thinking about exactly. The line becomes hazy between where one thought about a particular person ends and a new thought about someone else begins.
I'm torn between so many different issues all over the spectrum. Big and small. Love or hate. Stay or leave. To eat or not to eat. Call or don't. This lifestyle or another. Those friends or these ones. That dog food or the other. Hold on...let go. Too fast or too slow.
If I could just split into two different people (I mean literally, not have split personalities ) then my problems would be solved. One version of me would walk off and continue to fuck up my life. I'd spend my time trying to satisfy all my shallow, materialistic, empty needs. I'd not care because I'd be 100% selfish. I'd date guys that were so bad for me that it was intoxicating. My nights would be spent dancing to loud music and leaving with a shell that I mistook for a warm body. My only concern for the day would be who was going to buy my drinks later that night. Nothing would last long enough to hurt if I lost it. My light would burn so brightly that it would fade too quickly for anyone to see.
"Baby's black balloon makes her fly. You're not thinking about tomorrow."
Obviously the other version would go off and become the exact opposite. Details of this version are not even necessary. Just by looking at the other life, I'd be a fucking saint in this one.
There's a balance, I know. It's just a matter of picking and choosing which details you want to live by. This is where I hesitate. The details that seem logical to choose, conflict with my unexplained feelings.
I want what I don't need. I need what I don't want.
4am...I can sleep now. When I wake up who knows if this will still make sense.
It will do you the favor of keeping you up to ponder the five million thoughts running through your head. This probably won't make any sense to anyone but me because these thoughts are so random. They are all starting to blend into one big blur. I begin to forget what or who I'm thinking about exactly. The line becomes hazy between where one thought about a particular person ends and a new thought about someone else begins.
I'm torn between so many different issues all over the spectrum. Big and small. Love or hate. Stay or leave. To eat or not to eat. Call or don't. This lifestyle or another. Those friends or these ones. That dog food or the other. Hold on...let go. Too fast or too slow.
If I could just split into two different people (I mean literally, not have split personalities ) then my problems would be solved. One version of me would walk off and continue to fuck up my life. I'd spend my time trying to satisfy all my shallow, materialistic, empty needs. I'd not care because I'd be 100% selfish. I'd date guys that were so bad for me that it was intoxicating. My nights would be spent dancing to loud music and leaving with a shell that I mistook for a warm body. My only concern for the day would be who was going to buy my drinks later that night. Nothing would last long enough to hurt if I lost it. My light would burn so brightly that it would fade too quickly for anyone to see.
"Baby's black balloon makes her fly. You're not thinking about tomorrow."
Obviously the other version would go off and become the exact opposite. Details of this version are not even necessary. Just by looking at the other life, I'd be a fucking saint in this one.
There's a balance, I know. It's just a matter of picking and choosing which details you want to live by. This is where I hesitate. The details that seem logical to choose, conflict with my unexplained feelings.
I want what I don't need. I need what I don't want.
4am...I can sleep now. When I wake up who knows if this will still make sense.