External locus of control
When people like me, I feel good about myself. When they don't, I don't. Does anyone really know what it is to see into another person's soul? Does anybody know what it was like to go to school everyday, and be nice, and to have the teacher ask if anyone will work with me? Do we ever change? Does the old pain ever stop being agonizing? I do not believe that we change through suffering. No one needs a test. But are we all eternally slaves to our demons? I know that I started feeling better about my blindness when I lived in an all blind environment, and realized how much fun I could have. But in a sense, that was a first order change. I used to let everybody come to my apartment and stay because I wanted them to like me and be my friend. I do not know that much has changed. I have more powerful language to describe my neurosis, and my group is blind and not sighted, but I am the same woman struggling with the same demons.