Title: The Magician's Entry
Team: Human
Challenge: Magic
Character/Pairing: Clark Kent, Oliver Queen, Zatanna
Summary: Clark and Oliver ask Zatanna to join the Justice League. Six linked drabbles.
Rating: PG-13, for one mention of men's genitalia.
Warnings: None really.
Author's Notes: Silliness.
Oliver took a sip of his water and watched Zatanna cut up her steak very aggressively. Clark was watching as well, his own dinner going cold in front of him, enthralled by Zatanna’s unique eating style. Despite the magician’s rather delicate manner, she ate her food like she had hunted it down and killed it herself.
Oliver felt a little emasculated, eating his creamy vegetarian pasta while watching her consume the steak, the herbivore sitting next to the carnivore and waiting to be eaten.
Zatanna swallowed her steak and smiled. “What?” She said.
“Nothing.” Clark said quickly.
“Nothing.” Oliver confirmed.
Oliver excused himself to go to the bathroom, Clark saying “I’m just - I’m - okay,” and following him.
With the door to the men’s room closed behind them, Oliver said. “The way she eats her steak isn’t a reason not to have her join.”
“I wasn’t even going to suggest that! It’s just - I’ve never - I’ve eaten with Lois, okay, and I’ve seen anything like that. It was amazing. Wow. The way she eats her steak may be a good reason to ask her though.”
Zatanna stuck her head in the door. “You guys alright in here?”
“This’ the men’s room.”
Zatanna rolled her eyes. “You were in here for awhile, I thought if you were going to talk about me behind my back I might as well be in on it.”
“This’ the men’s room.” Oliver repeated.
“You’ve said that already. I can read.” She said, whacking the front of the door. “It has a person in pants. Don’t even need to read. Just need to be able to see.”
“Men’s. Room.” Oliver said for a third time.
“We were just confirming what we’ve already confirmed that we were going to ask you.”
“Huh?”
“What?”
“You know what I mean.”
“No, not at all.” Zatanna said.
“We were going to ask you to join the Justice League and we were just confirming what we’d already confirmed just to make sure that it was still…confirmed.” Clark said.
“Sometimes I don’t understand you.” Oliver said.
“When you say were -”
“We mean are. We’d like you to join the Justice League. We just figured we’d buy you dinner first.” Clark shrugged.
“Batman would kill use if he knew we were having this conversation in the men’s room.” Oliver said. “There isn’t anyone here right? I mean, in the stalls?”
“No.” Clark said.
Oliver scowled. “Just get in here would you?”
“It’s the men’s room!” Zatanna exclaimed, scandalised.
“Who cares? You sure didn’t when you stuck your head in, for all you knew Clark and I could have had our dicks out.” Oliver reached out and grabbed Zatanna’s arm, wrenching her into the bathroom.
“Yeah, ‘cause I’ve never seen that before.”
Clark turned bright red. “You haven’t seen mine! And it’s going to stay that way!”
“Geez Clark, lighten up.”
“He’s from the Midwest.” Oliver explained. “He’s squeamish.”
“I am not squeamish! I am just…not…from California!”
Affronted, Oliver said “What’s wrong with California?”
“How about we just get back to it?” Clark suggested.
“No, I want to know what’s wrong with California!”
“We had a spiel, about why you should join, it was good but I’m not sure a men’s bathroom is the right place.” Clark said nervously.
“What’s wrong with California?”
The men’s door opened. “Out!” Clark and Oliver said in unison, pointing towards the door.
“This isn’t our private space you know,” Zatanna said.
“We’ll need an answer by the end of the week,” Clark said. “We put time limits on these things because - why do we do that?”
“Batman.”
“Right.”