Un-fucking-believeable
So, Jeff and I are broken up. But that's not the news, we've been broken up since the day before my last surgery (which the surgery was the day before I wrote the last journal entry here from my cell). So, Jeff has been saying alot of stupid bullshit to try and "save" us but it's over, I know it is and have known. One of the reasons it's over is he treats me as a possession rather than a human being.
Never was this more apparent than this morning.
I waited till about 5 am for him to get home from work (Scott is my witness, he grabbed y car keys to goto work cause his car doesn't work and I said have a good day to him) and I was worried because Jeff was saying he has no reason to live and if I stop "being the way I'm being" (i.e. broken up with him) that he wouldn't feel this way but it;s all my fault and there's no sense in going on. Of course I talk to him and try to get him to realize that no one is worth ending your life over, and told him he should talk to suicide hotline or something because this is deep.
Anyway, I wait till 5 am and then goto sleep. At 7 am the phone rings. It's Jeff. First words out of his mouth (no hello) is WHERE ARE YOU?!? I say I'm sleeping he says WHERE?!?! I say at home in bed why wait, what time is it? Then he says oh yeah, I forgot Scott took the car nevermind.... I say wait where are you? He says I'm on my way in....
So he stayed out ALL NIGHT and calls me before he even gets through the front door to bitch ME out because he thought I WASN'T HOME. How hypocritical is that folks??? So I start to yell at him.
It's been like this for awhile now, I always make sure I'm home before he gets home so a fight won't start but now that doesn't matter, he yells and grills at me for everything: getting dressed, taking a shower, brushing my hair, putting on my make up, putting on earrings, going to the store, just EVERYTHING and I can't do anything unless he comes with me and I can't attempt to get ready to go out without him grilling me as to why. So fuck it, I broke up with him because I do like to chill with my friends and without him there because he acts like a possessive freak, and I do like to mingle and socialize. Just because he has insecurities doesn't give him the right to act like it's back in the dark ages, I am a human being and this is 2009. Fuck that. I didn't survive this long to be controlled. And so I fell out of love with him because of it. I can't take it anymore.
But now this! This definitely should be an eye opener not only for me but for him! He thinks of me as less of a person than he, and this proves it. He can stay out all night and I can't. Even if we were together THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE, or even HUMANE!
So, I gotta find a way to get away from him, get out of this house, or else this will escalate even further...
Never was this more apparent than this morning.
I waited till about 5 am for him to get home from work (Scott is my witness, he grabbed y car keys to goto work cause his car doesn't work and I said have a good day to him) and I was worried because Jeff was saying he has no reason to live and if I stop "being the way I'm being" (i.e. broken up with him) that he wouldn't feel this way but it;s all my fault and there's no sense in going on. Of course I talk to him and try to get him to realize that no one is worth ending your life over, and told him he should talk to suicide hotline or something because this is deep.
Anyway, I wait till 5 am and then goto sleep. At 7 am the phone rings. It's Jeff. First words out of his mouth (no hello) is WHERE ARE YOU?!? I say I'm sleeping he says WHERE?!?! I say at home in bed why wait, what time is it? Then he says oh yeah, I forgot Scott took the car nevermind.... I say wait where are you? He says I'm on my way in....
So he stayed out ALL NIGHT and calls me before he even gets through the front door to bitch ME out because he thought I WASN'T HOME. How hypocritical is that folks??? So I start to yell at him.
It's been like this for awhile now, I always make sure I'm home before he gets home so a fight won't start but now that doesn't matter, he yells and grills at me for everything: getting dressed, taking a shower, brushing my hair, putting on my make up, putting on earrings, going to the store, just EVERYTHING and I can't do anything unless he comes with me and I can't attempt to get ready to go out without him grilling me as to why. So fuck it, I broke up with him because I do like to chill with my friends and without him there because he acts like a possessive freak, and I do like to mingle and socialize. Just because he has insecurities doesn't give him the right to act like it's back in the dark ages, I am a human being and this is 2009. Fuck that. I didn't survive this long to be controlled. And so I fell out of love with him because of it. I can't take it anymore.
But now this! This definitely should be an eye opener not only for me but for him! He thinks of me as less of a person than he, and this proves it. He can stay out all night and I can't. Even if we were together THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE, or even HUMANE!
So, I gotta find a way to get away from him, get out of this house, or else this will escalate even further...