New ATWT Fic: A Thought That Occurred, 1/1
A Thought That Occurred
by Suz
Disclaimer - CBS own them, I don't, no infringement, yadda yadda.
Lure fic! Contains spumours for the end of ATWT. If you don't want to be spoiled for the end of the Luke/Reid storyline, don't read. Rated G. Remember this is a soap, okay? What realism? ;D
Feedback would be wonderful. Many, many thanks to the lovely d.
*
The room was dark. Visiting hours had long since passed. And for once in his life, Holden Snyder didn't give a damn about abiding the rules.
Closing the door quietly behind him, Holden made his way to the chair situated next to the hospital bed and sadly studied the quiet occupant.
For now, Reid was still breathing on his own but it was obvious that it was a laboured effort. Licking his lips, Holden thought of all the things he wanted to say, but had no idea how to begin saying them.
Reid shifted in the bed, interrupting his thoughts. "Luke?" he croaked.
Swallowing, Holden stood, allowing Reid to see him clearly. "No."
Reid simply frowned up at him. "Where's Luke?"
"Bob and I slipped something in his coffee," Holden admitted. "He's sleeping it off on the sofa in the waiting area." To say that Luke hadn't left Reid's side was putting it mildly - even basic hygiene was starting to become an issue.
Smiling with something that might have been approval, Reid seemed impressed. "Maybe Good Dad has a little bad in him after all."
Holden may not have fully understood the reference, but it seemed obvious it had something to do with Damian. "I've been known to do whatever it takes, on occasion." Holden knew he could be a difficult man to please. He also knew that he loved his family - all of his family - fiercely, and would do anything necessary to protect them. In that, at least, he and Damian were alike.
"And what are you here to do?"
Hesitating over the right words, Holden eventually pushed ahead. "The thought occurred to me...that we'd never actually had a conversation, just the two of us. I mean, you're the man Luke loves, and-"
"I'll be dead soon."
"I wouldn't have put it that way, but...yes." Holden didn't really know Reid Oliver as a person. He knew of him, from stories - usually random people complaining, or stories from Luke, lately. Since the accident, whenever Reid was sleeping Luke would talk to Holden about him. Sometimes it was things they'd done together; sometimes it was a story from Reid's youth, or a story about a special patient. Sometimes it was something Reid had done to piss him off. Whatever the story, it was clear Luke was trying desperately to remember anything and everything, trying to catalogue everything he'd ever known about Reid so he'd never forget a single second.
Holden had heard all about Reid Oliver, but he was more than a little ashamed that he'd never got to know him.
"I never had anyone like him," Reid said out of nowhere, surprising him. "My parents weren't...well, they're not here, so that tells you everything you need to know. No one else ever really gave a damn, except maybe Katie. And then I met him." He paused, struggling for breath. When he spoke again, his eyes were moist. "I want to stay, God, I've never wanted anything so much."
But there was nothing anyone could do. The Snyder family and Lucinda had all the money in the world, all the contacts in the world, and right now none of it was worth a damn. Holden was finding it harder and harder to hold back his own emotions. He'd never really known Reid, but the man who loved his son - and who his son loved in return - was laying here dying, and all he could talk about was how much he wanted to be with Luke. No shame, no pride, just honest to God emotion. Holden was frankly humbled by the experience. How many times had he hidden how he'd really felt from the women he'd loved?
"He made me want it all, you know that?" Reid asked rhetorically. "All those stupid, ridiculous domestic things I told myself I didn't want. Happiness. A home. Even a goddamn dog. I hate dogs, animals spread disease everywhere - but he would've asked and I would've crumbled." Suddenly, his expression turned stricken. "I don't..." he panted, eyes searching wildly around the room. "I don't want to-"
"It's okay," Holden interrupted, soothing, grasping Reid's hand. "It's okay. I'm here."
Struggling for a moment, Reid eventually calmed. Regaining his equilibrium, he blinked up at Holden slowly. "Sorry, Mr Snyder, but you're really not my type."
"Holden," he insisted roughly.
"Not Dad?" he joked with scant energy, obviously exhausted. This was probably more talking than he'd done in a long time. "Bet you would've loved me as a son-in-law."
Holden barked out a rough laugh. "I'm sure it would've been an experience." For all his apparent roughness, it was surprisingly easy to imagine Reid fitting into the family. From what he'd heard, Reid had been great with Ethan and Natalie at the non-wedding, and even better with Molly herself.
And there was something he didn't need to be thinking about right now. There was something else, something more important to say.
"I wanted to thank you," Holden said clearly, holding Reid's gaze even as he held his hand. "For loving my son. For making him realise that you can love more than one person in a lifetime and that it can be just as meaningful. And as sad as he is now...I want to thank you for making him happier than I've ever seen him. It may have only been a few months together, but...I've never believed that there's a limit to love. I think someone can mean as much to you in a few months as they can in forty years. It only depends on the person."
Staring at him, licking his lips a few times, Reid didn't try to make a joke, or make light of the situation. He simply told the truth. "Later," he began, then paused before continuing again abruptly. "After," he emphasised, and Holden understood his meaning. "After...tell him he was worth it," Reid pleaded, his voice shaking with emotion. "Tell him he was worth every single second."
Holden promised.
The next day, Reid had to be put onto a respirator. A few days after that, he fell asleep and never woke up again.
His body was kept alive; mostly because it was Reid's request to keep every possible part of himself fit for donation, but also because Luke couldn't bear to give the order. With no family of consequence and with Luke's agreement, Reid had legally made Luke responsible for what happened to his body in the event of his death.
But now that the day was here, Luke was finding the act beyond him.
"Dad," Luke whispered shakily, clinging to Holden's forearm like it was the only thing keeping him going. "I know what I need to do." The words were raw and broken, distorted by the sheer emotion in Luke's voice. "I know what I need to do," he gasped, "I know there are lives he can still save. Even now," he sobbed, grasping even tighter. "But I...I can't..."
Holden place a hand on top of Luke's. "We'll talk to Bob," Holden assured him, wishing for nothing else in that moment than for his son to be happy again. "We'll talk to Bob, and get it taken care of."
It was nothing as dramatic as turning off Reid's life support. When the order was given, Reid would be taken into an OR to remove anything that could be of value to someone else. Strangely, that was the part Luke didn't have a problem with at all. He didn't care that Reid's heart or corneas were being removed.
He just couldn't make himself admit that he was never going to see him again.
So they talked to Bob and in the end, it was Bob and Holden who were there when Reid was wheeled out of his room and into the OR. In the end it was Holden who was there, whispering the promised words when Luke broke down sobbing.
And in the end, Reid donated a heart, gave someone a new liver, and helped a little girl to see.
Holden couldn't have been prouder of him than if he'd been his own son.
~FINIS
by Suz
Disclaimer - CBS own them, I don't, no infringement, yadda yadda.
Lure fic! Contains spumours for the end of ATWT. If you don't want to be spoiled for the end of the Luke/Reid storyline, don't read. Rated G. Remember this is a soap, okay? What realism? ;D
Feedback would be wonderful. Many, many thanks to the lovely d.
*
The room was dark. Visiting hours had long since passed. And for once in his life, Holden Snyder didn't give a damn about abiding the rules.
Closing the door quietly behind him, Holden made his way to the chair situated next to the hospital bed and sadly studied the quiet occupant.
For now, Reid was still breathing on his own but it was obvious that it was a laboured effort. Licking his lips, Holden thought of all the things he wanted to say, but had no idea how to begin saying them.
Reid shifted in the bed, interrupting his thoughts. "Luke?" he croaked.
Swallowing, Holden stood, allowing Reid to see him clearly. "No."
Reid simply frowned up at him. "Where's Luke?"
"Bob and I slipped something in his coffee," Holden admitted. "He's sleeping it off on the sofa in the waiting area." To say that Luke hadn't left Reid's side was putting it mildly - even basic hygiene was starting to become an issue.
Smiling with something that might have been approval, Reid seemed impressed. "Maybe Good Dad has a little bad in him after all."
Holden may not have fully understood the reference, but it seemed obvious it had something to do with Damian. "I've been known to do whatever it takes, on occasion." Holden knew he could be a difficult man to please. He also knew that he loved his family - all of his family - fiercely, and would do anything necessary to protect them. In that, at least, he and Damian were alike.
"And what are you here to do?"
Hesitating over the right words, Holden eventually pushed ahead. "The thought occurred to me...that we'd never actually had a conversation, just the two of us. I mean, you're the man Luke loves, and-"
"I'll be dead soon."
"I wouldn't have put it that way, but...yes." Holden didn't really know Reid Oliver as a person. He knew of him, from stories - usually random people complaining, or stories from Luke, lately. Since the accident, whenever Reid was sleeping Luke would talk to Holden about him. Sometimes it was things they'd done together; sometimes it was a story from Reid's youth, or a story about a special patient. Sometimes it was something Reid had done to piss him off. Whatever the story, it was clear Luke was trying desperately to remember anything and everything, trying to catalogue everything he'd ever known about Reid so he'd never forget a single second.
Holden had heard all about Reid Oliver, but he was more than a little ashamed that he'd never got to know him.
"I never had anyone like him," Reid said out of nowhere, surprising him. "My parents weren't...well, they're not here, so that tells you everything you need to know. No one else ever really gave a damn, except maybe Katie. And then I met him." He paused, struggling for breath. When he spoke again, his eyes were moist. "I want to stay, God, I've never wanted anything so much."
But there was nothing anyone could do. The Snyder family and Lucinda had all the money in the world, all the contacts in the world, and right now none of it was worth a damn. Holden was finding it harder and harder to hold back his own emotions. He'd never really known Reid, but the man who loved his son - and who his son loved in return - was laying here dying, and all he could talk about was how much he wanted to be with Luke. No shame, no pride, just honest to God emotion. Holden was frankly humbled by the experience. How many times had he hidden how he'd really felt from the women he'd loved?
"He made me want it all, you know that?" Reid asked rhetorically. "All those stupid, ridiculous domestic things I told myself I didn't want. Happiness. A home. Even a goddamn dog. I hate dogs, animals spread disease everywhere - but he would've asked and I would've crumbled." Suddenly, his expression turned stricken. "I don't..." he panted, eyes searching wildly around the room. "I don't want to-"
"It's okay," Holden interrupted, soothing, grasping Reid's hand. "It's okay. I'm here."
Struggling for a moment, Reid eventually calmed. Regaining his equilibrium, he blinked up at Holden slowly. "Sorry, Mr Snyder, but you're really not my type."
"Holden," he insisted roughly.
"Not Dad?" he joked with scant energy, obviously exhausted. This was probably more talking than he'd done in a long time. "Bet you would've loved me as a son-in-law."
Holden barked out a rough laugh. "I'm sure it would've been an experience." For all his apparent roughness, it was surprisingly easy to imagine Reid fitting into the family. From what he'd heard, Reid had been great with Ethan and Natalie at the non-wedding, and even better with Molly herself.
And there was something he didn't need to be thinking about right now. There was something else, something more important to say.
"I wanted to thank you," Holden said clearly, holding Reid's gaze even as he held his hand. "For loving my son. For making him realise that you can love more than one person in a lifetime and that it can be just as meaningful. And as sad as he is now...I want to thank you for making him happier than I've ever seen him. It may have only been a few months together, but...I've never believed that there's a limit to love. I think someone can mean as much to you in a few months as they can in forty years. It only depends on the person."
Staring at him, licking his lips a few times, Reid didn't try to make a joke, or make light of the situation. He simply told the truth. "Later," he began, then paused before continuing again abruptly. "After," he emphasised, and Holden understood his meaning. "After...tell him he was worth it," Reid pleaded, his voice shaking with emotion. "Tell him he was worth every single second."
Holden promised.
The next day, Reid had to be put onto a respirator. A few days after that, he fell asleep and never woke up again.
His body was kept alive; mostly because it was Reid's request to keep every possible part of himself fit for donation, but also because Luke couldn't bear to give the order. With no family of consequence and with Luke's agreement, Reid had legally made Luke responsible for what happened to his body in the event of his death.
But now that the day was here, Luke was finding the act beyond him.
"Dad," Luke whispered shakily, clinging to Holden's forearm like it was the only thing keeping him going. "I know what I need to do." The words were raw and broken, distorted by the sheer emotion in Luke's voice. "I know what I need to do," he gasped, "I know there are lives he can still save. Even now," he sobbed, grasping even tighter. "But I...I can't..."
Holden place a hand on top of Luke's. "We'll talk to Bob," Holden assured him, wishing for nothing else in that moment than for his son to be happy again. "We'll talk to Bob, and get it taken care of."
It was nothing as dramatic as turning off Reid's life support. When the order was given, Reid would be taken into an OR to remove anything that could be of value to someone else. Strangely, that was the part Luke didn't have a problem with at all. He didn't care that Reid's heart or corneas were being removed.
He just couldn't make himself admit that he was never going to see him again.
So they talked to Bob and in the end, it was Bob and Holden who were there when Reid was wheeled out of his room and into the OR. In the end it was Holden who was there, whispering the promised words when Luke broke down sobbing.
And in the end, Reid donated a heart, gave someone a new liver, and helped a little girl to see.
Holden couldn't have been prouder of him than if he'd been his own son.
~FINIS