The reason that I've been so absent...
I haven't been around much lately. I would actually say that I haven't really been completely here since last June 2009.
That was when Dad was diagnosed with an incurable and aggressive brain tumour (glioblastoma multiforme). It was too painful to talk about and so I didn't. He had surgery which resulted in 60% removal of the tumour, radiation and chemotherapy followed. The tumour was going to grow back, it could only be slowed not stopped.
My parents live two hours north of here and so Tonto and I have been going back and forth trying to support them. My brother took extended leave and has been there too. I've been off work more often than I've been there.
Last October, Dad had another seizure and lost all use of his right side. He's been bedridden since then, with Mum caring for him at home. They've had help from Palliative Care services, carers came in four times a day to clean and care for him.
He died last Wednesday 3rd March. I held his hand as he died. He was 64.
It was his funeral yesterday. I did the eulogy and I didn't cry.
Dad was a collector too, he was into Le Mans cars, Star Wars figures, the Simpsons, trains, buses and toy soldiers. I don't envy Mum the job of sorting out his things, although I suspect it will actually a problem shared with me.
It's all been so crap and sad. I don't feel like I will ever find my way out of this wilderness that I am in. I've never lived in a world without him and it feels so very strange. I loved my Dad, he was just like me and I don't think there was another person in the world who knew me the way that he did.
That was when Dad was diagnosed with an incurable and aggressive brain tumour (glioblastoma multiforme). It was too painful to talk about and so I didn't. He had surgery which resulted in 60% removal of the tumour, radiation and chemotherapy followed. The tumour was going to grow back, it could only be slowed not stopped.
My parents live two hours north of here and so Tonto and I have been going back and forth trying to support them. My brother took extended leave and has been there too. I've been off work more often than I've been there.
Last October, Dad had another seizure and lost all use of his right side. He's been bedridden since then, with Mum caring for him at home. They've had help from Palliative Care services, carers came in four times a day to clean and care for him.
He died last Wednesday 3rd March. I held his hand as he died. He was 64.
It was his funeral yesterday. I did the eulogy and I didn't cry.
Dad was a collector too, he was into Le Mans cars, Star Wars figures, the Simpsons, trains, buses and toy soldiers. I don't envy Mum the job of sorting out his things, although I suspect it will actually a problem shared with me.
It's all been so crap and sad. I don't feel like I will ever find my way out of this wilderness that I am in. I've never lived in a world without him and it feels so very strange. I loved my Dad, he was just like me and I don't think there was another person in the world who knew me the way that he did.