(no subject)
this isnt right. my first thoughts waking up every morning shouldnt be i cant do this, i dont want to do this. i just feel really weird and tired and worn out and in an odd sense, really sick too. i dont know whats wrong with me except for that im really scared. scared about what im not really sure but scared nonetheless. and i dont like keeping secrets. not this stuff anyway. and my mom doesnt help anything. i look at her and see what a weak person she is and then realize where i get it from. i love her more than anything, but she isnt strong. and it kind of rubs off after awhile. i just feel so frustrated with certain relationships and people. i thought after junior year stuff would get better,and a lot did but also a lot didnt. i feel so tired. i wake up just counting down the hours till i go back to sleep. or the weekend, whichever. and i know im not the only one cause everyones pretty worn out by now, but i just dont want to do anything. i dont want to eat, i dont want to go to the gym, i dont feel like going anywhere ordoing anything. im scared about college. and with this fucking calc class and other crap who knows about usc. i just feel like im wasting away everthing iveworked really hard for. people have shit so much worse off than i do and i know that and it makes me sad for them, but i cant help the way that i feel. i sound like a whiny little spoiled brat bitching about nothing but you know what atleast i bitch here and not to people, so if u dont like it just dont read it.
i feel like freaking getting prescribed some god damn prozac and just living life. but i really dont believe in that. i dont know. its not like by looking at me youd be able to tell im a completely helplessly lost 17 year old girl. i still go out, i still party, still see my friends 24/7, go to school take tests go to work etc. its just all of this is in the back of my head and its not a good feeling. at all. and i havent really had this feeling in me up until recently and now idk. i guess id rather surround myself around people and not think about it, but every night the thoughts just go around and around.
i dont want sympathy in the least bit, and to those who will respond with an "im sorry" theres no need to be sorry, or an "im here for you" i already know that, or to a "youll get through this" i know that too.
i just want to stop feeling this way. and thats all.
i feel like freaking getting prescribed some god damn prozac and just living life. but i really dont believe in that. i dont know. its not like by looking at me youd be able to tell im a completely helplessly lost 17 year old girl. i still go out, i still party, still see my friends 24/7, go to school take tests go to work etc. its just all of this is in the back of my head and its not a good feeling. at all. and i havent really had this feeling in me up until recently and now idk. i guess id rather surround myself around people and not think about it, but every night the thoughts just go around and around.
i dont want sympathy in the least bit, and to those who will respond with an "im sorry" theres no need to be sorry, or an "im here for you" i already know that, or to a "youll get through this" i know that too.
i just want to stop feeling this way. and thats all.