i just..suck

[suzannecg8]

is it possible to feel silent? to not only not speak, but feeling urself cave in...the unspoken words taking over every inch of ur body. and every tear that strolls down ur face just like b4. i can feel it all over me. myself caving in. my joints are getting tight. it hurts to move. it hurts to blinkm to keep my eyes open. to move around. to sit still with all these mixed emotions out. u cant just act and sing and pretend like nothings wrong, while pretending to be someone else at the same time. i have not being able to control my emotions. my head and heart run on two totally differnt time scedules that's for sure. today could have been the best day that happend this week. me and liz went to the mall, and i got some awesome new stuff. i helped her pick out some stuff. we had some really deep conversations, as usual when me and liz get together, and everything couldnt of been more perfect. we left our mark in every store we went in. we made friends with the ppl that work at every store. it could of been the best day ever. my emotions got a hold of me though. a stupid thought like last summer will pop in my head..and leave me crying inside. but i just put a blank look on my face and find something to fidget with. i dont want ppl to see the real me. it scares me. i miss every happy moment i ever had. i hate being lonely. i hate waking up knowing that nothing will change that day. or that no madder how hard i try to look good it duznt pay off in the end. i end up gaining more and more weight as days go by, and more and more girls are getting boyfriends. no real close friendships are made, and everything stays pretty much the same. exept my emotions are constantly up and down. who knows the next time i read this that smiley face could be turned upside down. i think back on all the relationships that could of lasted and u no what, whatz the point? im basically the most unloveable person that i no. yet here i am bitching about how emo i am and me me me. god i just suck at everything. y r u even reading this? im discusted with myself.

u no what i'm so retarded im not gonna even post my name.