Sometimes it hurts

[suzann]

I asked Jase what to write when I feel this way
and he told me just to write because this is for me

Im hurt
Im sad
More than anything I am confused
and I just want to go to camp where I feel safe with my friends, the inner circle.
my real friends, the ones I have known practically my whole life, who have stood by me no matter how annoying I get because I put up with them to, and I thought for a moment that I had that here
I don't understand what I have done to deserve the way I have been forced to feel in the past hour
Sometimes I just fear that I am going to feel like I don't belong, that I'm not accepted
My fears were just confirmed
The truth is maybe I don't have "real" friends here. Maybe it was all a happy illusion that I let myself believe, I won't make that mistake again

There is this quote that Ariel always has in her away messages a Tori Amos quote I believe.... "Over the last few hours I've allowed myself to feel defeated, and just like she said if you allow yourself to feel the way you really feel, maybe you won't be afraid of that feeling anymore."

I need a cigarette