It's that time again...
I would like to know where the hell this is all going right now. There is so much crammed into issue five that it's so fast paced you almost don't get anything. Half the issue is fighting and the other half is gallivanting through the time stream with Nate. Though I'm very, very happy to see him returned (ILU NATE!!!) I gotta say...he's a bit of a douchebag in this. Cassie of course doesn't help. Poor Jonas gets shafted. And well...let's get this going shall we?
I'm not going to post it because you've all seen it, but Wolverine getting hurled through the air like a ragdoll by Nate is almost as awesome as Molly throwing him through the Church doors and halfway across the street. There is just something so wonderfully amusing about Logan getting his ass handed to him by kids.
So, Nate is back and everyone is all 'WUR?!' and 'OH NOES!' and 'Not that we don't love you Nate, but seriously, do you remember last time?!' Except for Cassie. With Cass, we get this:
Yeeep, she just leaps right into Nate's arms and it's Honenymoon time. She literally like hardly leaves his side the whole friggin' issue. It's Nate and Cassie time! With poor Vision all trailing like a puppy not quite sure what the etiquette is for handling the return of your girlfriend's super awesome ex whose brainwave patterns you share and who used to run around in your body.
Teddy, of course, focuses on the more important facts. He would like to know where his boyfriend is thank you very much, and please to be getting out of the way now. Nate assures the team Billy is fine, in the company of Momma. While Teddy makes with the questions and everyone else keeps bashing in Doombot skulls, Tommy sensibly runs off to be with them, only to come back because they are not where Nate said they were. Nate, for some reason (though he claims to have been keeping an eye on the team he founded to safeguard them) seems to have no idea who Tommy is or what he can do.
Where are they, you ask?
All together now! Damn it, Kaplan!
Doom is busy torturing Billy, while Wanda defends him and starts to question Doom for the first time. Really, Victor Von Doom, what does it matter whether or not she believes the ridiculously handsome costumed fanboy?
Mags, Wonderman, Miss Marvel, Iron Man and Spidey interrupt by busting through the wall and laying on the smack down. Billy gets up and bolts with Mommy in tow.
Billy: Wanda...We've got to get you out of here.
Wanda: I can't just LEAVE him.
Billy: Believe me, Doom can take care of HIMSELF.
He was just torturing this kid who claims to be your long lost son in front of you, Wanda. Let him get a little roughed up.
This line was cute:
Billy: We have to get you some place SAFE where no one will try to capture you -- or kill you -- or MARRY you.
Happily, back up arrives. And there is a reunion in the backwoods of Latveria. Sadly, there is no kissing. There is not even relieved hugging. On the other hand, no one rightly smacks him upside the head either.
Tommy is shocked, but there is no time for all around introductions. Doom is on their trail, being chased by Mags and Iron Man. What do you do when you have nowhere to run? Why, you jump into the TIME STREAM! NATURALLY!!
Pietro arrives just in time to see his sister vanish with his nephews and their friends. Once the kids are all properly gone, all the grown ups turn on Doom. Who releases a bit of a whizz bang response with the following.
Doom: I have been trying to SAVE her. From YOU. From ALL of you...who sought to DESTROY her. And now, BECAUSE of you, the most powerful force in the universe has been unleashed into the time stream...where she can rewrite the past or the future just as easily as she said the words..."No more mutants."
And everyone gets their concerned face on.
MEANWHILE IN THE TIME STREAM!!!
Some members of the team are concerned about this whole, escaping into the past thing. Cassie wants to go back to when Daddy died. Kate and Eli argue how BAD an idea this is. Wanda points out that seeing the bad things she supposedly did might help jog her memory. Nate assures them he's got a handle on this, with his new chronal tech with allows them to coexist in separate space while in the past so that no one can see or hear them, and they can just watch events occur like tv.
Nate: I've developed a new technology, which would allow us to inhabit a moment in time WITHOUT altering it.
Teddy: Then maybe Wanda WILL remember.
Eli: THEN maybe she'll lose control and KILL us all.
Oh, Eli...you're such an OPTIMIST!
Also...Billy and Tommy are TOTALLY safe if that happens. As it is, they've been back and forth with their existence so many times, they should probably be in college by now.
Billy, Tommy and Jonas do not put forth any opinions on this whole thing. They just hang out quietly in the back and let the team decide.
So they go.
And this happens:
And then THIS happens:
WAY TO GO, NATE!
Nate: In my defense, it IS new technology.
Vision: And apparently USELESS.
Oh Vision...YES, honey! *squishes*
So Ant-Man would like to know who all these kids are with his little girl and why they're playing Avenger dress up. Cassie tells him they're friends from school and they're all dressed up for Halloween. WAS IT EVEN OCTOBER WHEN THIS HAPPENED?!
Scott asks to be introduced to these friends he never met. Cassie starts by introducing Nate first. But they get interrupted.
Scott: That's a pretty impressive get-up, young man. They ALL are. Though I have to say, the JACK OF HEARTS costume is in poor taste.
Yeeeah, it's that time.
Cassie tries to explain, Scott doesn't buy it. The call to RUN gets shouted and every good Avenger hoofs it.
INCLUDING SCOTT.
Who should be exploding in t-minus.
I still think Tommy should have been carrying Cassie. The the whole team'd be paired for retreat. THIS IS THE WAY THEY ROLL!
Wanda, of course, has to stop and TALK to Jack.
While everyone's stalled just south of them, waiting while Nate tries to reboot the suit for jumping again so quickly, as it's not charging fast enough.
They realize they're missing Wanda, who Billy refuses to leave without.
SO TOMMY RESCUES HER!
OH MY LENSHERR FAMILY TREE LOVE!!! *basks for a few moments, rolling in happiness*
Jack explodes.
When everyone regains consciousness, they find that whoops, not only was Scott nowhere near the blast, he is WITH THEM.
Oh Tommy... <3
Also...was anyone else kind of reminded of the Waltons? No? Okay... *shuffles off into the corner*
Scott has more important things to worry about.
So, what's going on?
Well, apparently, according to Nate's chronometer, they've returned to their own present timeline. Where Scott Lang is still dead. Except for the part, you know, where he isn't.
Eli starts in on Nate.
Billy and Tommy are more concerned over where Wanda went.
And we find out Nate didn't save anyone. He hadn't had the juice. They would have all died.
So who saved them?
Oh like you don't already know!
Oh yeah. Mommy's back. And it's time to do some rehaul.
Dear god, Heinberg, you dick. HOW CAN YOU PULL CLIFFIES LIKE THIS WITH TWO MONTHS IN BETWEEN RELEASES?!