shut up randy
I talk and I talk and I talk. I'm never really saying anything. I used to be quiet. I used to feel suffocated and silenced. I finally have the voice and I have nothing to say. Desperate to be heard, seen, loved, understood. All of me happens quietly in the dark. Alone.
We are due to meet tomorrow. I'm so nervous, I feel sick to my stomach. I feel dizzy and scared. My head feels like a balloon on a string in the wind, tied loosely to a chair. I'm flailing. I'm empty, full of nothing. I really thought I could handle this. It's pretty telling that I chose to get so excited about a person who is far away. Again? Again. I don't know if I'm strong enough to want anything. It's always so much easier when I want for nothing. That's how I keep from floating away. Want for nothing. No goals, no love, no ties. The second it's tempted into my reach, I flail. My heart can't be trusted with filling. I'm an empty pie shell in the baking aisle. I'd rather expire on the shelf. I've only ever loved people to hurt to love. Am I too hurt to love? What's the price of being loved? I'm so scared and I'm so fragile. So quiet in the dark with my hope and my doubt. Alone.
We are due to meet tomorrow. I'm so nervous, I feel sick to my stomach. I feel dizzy and scared. My head feels like a balloon on a string in the wind, tied loosely to a chair. I'm flailing. I'm empty, full of nothing. I really thought I could handle this. It's pretty telling that I chose to get so excited about a person who is far away. Again? Again. I don't know if I'm strong enough to want anything. It's always so much easier when I want for nothing. That's how I keep from floating away. Want for nothing. No goals, no love, no ties. The second it's tempted into my reach, I flail. My heart can't be trusted with filling. I'm an empty pie shell in the baking aisle. I'd rather expire on the shelf. I've only ever loved people to hurt to love. Am I too hurt to love? What's the price of being loved? I'm so scared and I'm so fragile. So quiet in the dark with my hope and my doubt. Alone.