(no subject)
cabaretpie (1:46:56 PM): dear catie, i had a dream last night and it should totally be your next feature length movie.
Auto Response from citizencat13 (1:43:37 PM): Photography 10:00-3:00
cabaretpie (1:47:30 PM): ok, so i'm jennifer gardner, but not in her "oh i'm so cute look at me hahaha you're so adorably funny kevin smith" bullshit she does now
cabaretpie (1:48:09 PM): this is edgy jennifer after she divorces ben affleck, puts her kid in a boarding school and starts a healthy cocaine habit
cabaretpie (1:48:56 PM): ok, so she is picked up by bruce willis and john travolta in their pulp fiction outfits in a black classic camaro. it's very sexy
cabaretpie (1:49:41 PM): bruce willis immediately starts putting the moves on me/jennifer gardner in the backseat while john travolta smokes a cigarette/joint and rolls his eyes
cabaretpie (1:50:40 PM): bruce willis then decides he wants to buy me/jennifer gardner new underwear and, at a traffic light, goes to buy new panties at the convenient panty store on the corner
cabaretpie (1:51:40 PM): so john travolta and i pick up a friend, who was quite possibly peppa from salt'n'peppa, and we go and shoplift new outfits from a walmart while john travolta mans the getaway car.
cabaretpie (1:52:26 PM): so we end up looking fabulous, even though we robbed a walmart, and no one notices until we drive away and pick up bruce willis, who has procured a ton of panties
cabaretpie (1:53:03 PM): somewhere along here we pick up a new friend, who was a redhead to round out the cast, and may have been the redheaded woman from now and then
cabaretpie (1:53:15 PM): and thus begins the High Speed Chase
cabaretpie (1:53:41 PM): for we are being chased relentlessly by walmart security, who look like people from the matrix
cabaretpie (1:53:47 PM): one of them should probably be hugo weaving
cabaretpie (1:54:27 PM): insert many special effects here. i think john travolta and bruce willis killed some people
cabaretpie (1:54:59 PM): ok, so we end up in a secret hideaway, where we must decide what our next move is
cabaretpie (1:55:28 PM): and clearly we decide to hire wannabe actors to pretend to be us while we make our great escape to tahiti or somewhere
cabaretpie (1:56:02 PM): so we have an audition process much like american idol and finally narrow it down to a select bunch of misfits who we must train to become us
cabaretpie (1:56:19 PM): hijinks ensue, along with many trials and tribulations
cabaretpie (1:56:38 PM): i think someone got pregnant, and it was probably john travolta's fault
cabaretpie (1:57:39 PM): so anyway, we realize that these kids may not have as much talent as us, but goshdarnit, they have heart
cabaretpie (1:57:51 PM): and they are ready to do what they are meant to do
cabaretpie (1:57:57 PM): so, here's the big end
cabaretpie (1:59:09 PM): cut to two groups of five people in separate locales, each wearing sunglasses, business outfits, and nondescript hats, carrying briefcases and walking in slow motion with kill bill music playing in the background
cabaretpie (1:59:41 PM): we can't recognize who is in each group, and they each seem to be in an airport
cabaretpie (2:00:18 PM): then one person in the group on, let's say the left, begins talking about a royale with cheese
cabaretpie (2:01:12 PM): and immediately, they are sprayed with a hail of bullets and are mercilessly gunned down as ray liotta, head of the fbi, cracks a grim smile at a job well done. crime certainly does not pay
cabaretpie (2:01:14 PM): OR DOES IT
cabaretpie (2:01:15 PM): ????
cabaretpie (2:02:54 PM): cut to the window of a luxury jet, where bruce willis and i are looking out at the beautiful landscape of tahiti. we look at each other, then at john travolta, who is shooting heroin, and our other random friends and we laugh as we drink champagne.
cabaretpie (2:02:56 PM): fin
cabaretpie (2:06:06 PM): oh p.s., samuel l. jackson should probably be somewhere in there, either as the cold mothafucka who helps us out by killing fbi agents at a gas station during our high speed chase, or as the coach we hire to train our ragtag bunch of misfit actors
cabaretpie (2:07:46 PM): or both, as we discover that the ruthless killer we picked up to help us get away also is an acting coach in his spare time
citizencat13 (2:24:13 PM): oh my god stacy...that was utterly brilliant
Drew tomorrow!!!!!
Dear Nintendo,
You are a coy slut. Stop being a cock-tease and put out.
Love,
Stacy
Dear LJ,
I haven't updated in a while, and your new updating features are new and strange to me. I don't like not being forced to use html.
Love,
Stacy