A Dream
Last night I dreamed that I was proposed to. And while the similarities between myself and Miss Mabel Chiltern end with the waiting of a certain proposal (for I have not had to endure the frequent proposals of Tommy during the season), this proposal brought me no joy. I don't believe that I've dreamed of being proposed to before, where as I know that I've dreamt of being engaged or all the way up to the day of the marriage. But do not despair that my current relationship is in danger, for it was not he that was upon his knee but one whom I had hoped for years would realize his potential outside of my dreams.
It's interesting that while I find myself in a situation very similar to that of April of 2005, I have no doubts that this time everything will turn out right. I will not be left behind because he needs to focus more on his schooling than on me (which I found out last night, the other he now only has three months left); I don't doubt his affections because he has told me them and I share them; the future isn't only what I see, but what we see together. I have failed miserably at not comparing the two, because one never did what I thought he should and the other has often outdone what I imagined.
Two years ago, I couldn't fathom where I am today--who I am today. But yet, I wouldn't change it for the world. True, I have been hurt and disappointed; but the joy, happiness, and most of all, love that I have felt have far overcome the sorrow. So, why didn't I feel joy in the proposal of my dreams? Because it was only that--a dream. And I knew that even if the real thing occurred, that I didn't and don't want it. For there is something better to come.
It's interesting that while I find myself in a situation very similar to that of April of 2005, I have no doubts that this time everything will turn out right. I will not be left behind because he needs to focus more on his schooling than on me (which I found out last night, the other he now only has three months left); I don't doubt his affections because he has told me them and I share them; the future isn't only what I see, but what we see together. I have failed miserably at not comparing the two, because one never did what I thought he should and the other has often outdone what I imagined.
Two years ago, I couldn't fathom where I am today--who I am today. But yet, I wouldn't change it for the world. True, I have been hurt and disappointed; but the joy, happiness, and most of all, love that I have felt have far overcome the sorrow. So, why didn't I feel joy in the proposal of my dreams? Because it was only that--a dream. And I knew that even if the real thing occurred, that I didn't and don't want it. For there is something better to come.