Hole in the Earth
Shuffle is a dangerous thing.
Everything can be alright, you can be thinking of aspirations, you can be thinking of the future and all all the beautiful wonderful things it has in store for you... and then suddenly you are dragged, kicking and screaming, back to the past.
One song can do this, a song you haven't heard in 6 months.
Six. Months.
You're dragged back to the last time you heard it, where you were, how you felt.
Truly, a Hole in the Earth.
It feels like I'm watching myself that night, as a different person, but still, as a person who knows the pain and the hopelessness of it all... because I can still remember how it felt.
A Hole in the Earth - That's exactly how it felt.
I felt like I was standing on the edge, being pushed into it by the person I thought once would lend me their hand.
But instead, I was alone in that crowded room... full of strangers.
I really did wish the snakes all around me were your arms.
and I was screaming.
I was screaming every word.
I thought the words would fill the empty yet capacious void I felt inside, or maybe I thought he would hear me 1500 miles away. Just maybe if I screamed loud enough...
I was holding on to every note and every word as it emanated from the stage because it's all I had that night. I closed my eyes to feel it close to me - to pretend it was my lost lover.
and I see this now, as an observer. I see myself screaming and throwing myself against strangers without apology. I see how lonely and heartbroken I was when it came to an end, walking out of the building, thrown out into the cold all over again. I thought: how much can one person bear in such a short time? How many times can you be cast out?
I see the thick smoke flow out of my lungs, like I was exhaling the sickness that was plaguing me. I see myself inhaling so quickly so I couldn't think straight anymore. I see myself finish and lay on a cold cement bench because I couldn't hold myself up anymore, with no one to hold on to, no one to touch my hand and let me know I was alive when it felt like I was dying. I see how badly I wanted to cry tears I didn't have.
You almost feel sorry for her.
Part of me can't stand this.
Part of me wants to go kneel beside her, push the hair from her face, and keep her company.
Part of me wants to lie and tell her everything will be alright even though the truth is that the coldest and loneliest winter she will ever experience is fast approaching.
...
and then the song is over.
Everything can be alright, you can be thinking of aspirations, you can be thinking of the future and all all the beautiful wonderful things it has in store for you... and then suddenly you are dragged, kicking and screaming, back to the past.
One song can do this, a song you haven't heard in 6 months.
Six. Months.
You're dragged back to the last time you heard it, where you were, how you felt.
Truly, a Hole in the Earth.
It feels like I'm watching myself that night, as a different person, but still, as a person who knows the pain and the hopelessness of it all... because I can still remember how it felt.
A Hole in the Earth - That's exactly how it felt.
I felt like I was standing on the edge, being pushed into it by the person I thought once would lend me their hand.
But instead, I was alone in that crowded room... full of strangers.
I really did wish the snakes all around me were your arms.
and I was screaming.
I was screaming every word.
I thought the words would fill the empty yet capacious void I felt inside, or maybe I thought he would hear me 1500 miles away. Just maybe if I screamed loud enough...
I was holding on to every note and every word as it emanated from the stage because it's all I had that night. I closed my eyes to feel it close to me - to pretend it was my lost lover.
and I see this now, as an observer. I see myself screaming and throwing myself against strangers without apology. I see how lonely and heartbroken I was when it came to an end, walking out of the building, thrown out into the cold all over again. I thought: how much can one person bear in such a short time? How many times can you be cast out?
I see the thick smoke flow out of my lungs, like I was exhaling the sickness that was plaguing me. I see myself inhaling so quickly so I couldn't think straight anymore. I see myself finish and lay on a cold cement bench because I couldn't hold myself up anymore, with no one to hold on to, no one to touch my hand and let me know I was alive when it felt like I was dying. I see how badly I wanted to cry tears I didn't have.
You almost feel sorry for her.
Part of me can't stand this.
Part of me wants to go kneel beside her, push the hair from her face, and keep her company.
Part of me wants to lie and tell her everything will be alright even though the truth is that the coldest and loneliest winter she will ever experience is fast approaching.
...
and then the song is over.