Blegh
I need to stop eating foods when I'm clearly not hungry for them. I also need to stop feeling so bad for myself. I entirely indulged in both things just now.
I am sulking, slowly chewing banana-mush chimpanzee-style between my bottom lip and my teeth. My life is a conglomeration of butts, and I hate everything. I especially hate how every single friendship I begin with a guy turns into a one-way lusting. I'm never the lust-er. This is not me throwing a pity party because boys like me; it is me kicking myself in the balls for letting this keep happening. Also, for being such a fucking loser. Did I mention that all of these "relationships" have been online? I didn't? Well, then, consider yourself illuminated. Guys have ever only been attracted to me online. Even if I know them "IRL," they only admit to liking me through text. This makes me feel like such a fuck-up that I lose all self-control and eat EVERYTHING I can get my hands on, simultaneously procrastinating. Then, I get no sleep, I eat shit, I feel shit, and everything is just falling apart into a colorless, trance-state of anger.
I should write a book on how to make myself feel like crap:
Step 1: Don't exercise. It's too difficult to spend 5 minutes putting on a sports bra and running shoes. Pass.
Step 2: Take a nap instead of running, working, reading, drawing, doing ANYTHING productive.
Step 3: Wake yourself up from the nap too late for it to feel refreshing, and spout profanity at all the time you've wasted.
Step 4: Continue to waste time by repeatedly checking Tumblr and AIM Express.
Step 5: Since you're on a roll with this path to Hell, go ahead and eat some doughnuts. And froyo. 3 servings sounds good.
Step 6: Flirt Have Internet Sex Talk with boys online. Age don' matter! If it's got a penis and wit, it gets indulged. Don't hold back.
Step 7: Do this for several solid hours until you're so tired you can barely type a sentence. Cut it off and look at your undone work.
Step 8: Begin meltdown. Angrily, miserably, desperately scramble to get something done. Give up and sleep.
Step 9: Wake up after an hour and half to keep working. Finish 5 minutes before it's due. You hate it. Good job.
Step 10: Come home from class, eat everything, and pass out on your bed, repeating the whole process.
There you have it; the past several weeks of my life. It's no wonder I won't lose weight. I'm too busy killing myself to let my body cope. And now, I sleep, having not finished my drawing homework, and waking up in 5 hours. End of depressing, self-obsessing entry.
I am sulking, slowly chewing banana-mush chimpanzee-style between my bottom lip and my teeth. My life is a conglomeration of butts, and I hate everything. I especially hate how every single friendship I begin with a guy turns into a one-way lusting. I'm never the lust-er. This is not me throwing a pity party because boys like me; it is me kicking myself in the balls for letting this keep happening. Also, for being such a fucking loser. Did I mention that all of these "relationships" have been online? I didn't? Well, then, consider yourself illuminated. Guys have ever only been attracted to me online. Even if I know them "IRL," they only admit to liking me through text. This makes me feel like such a fuck-up that I lose all self-control and eat EVERYTHING I can get my hands on, simultaneously procrastinating. Then, I get no sleep, I eat shit, I feel shit, and everything is just falling apart into a colorless, trance-state of anger.
I should write a book on how to make myself feel like crap:
Step 1: Don't exercise. It's too difficult to spend 5 minutes putting on a sports bra and running shoes. Pass.
Step 2: Take a nap instead of running, working, reading, drawing, doing ANYTHING productive.
Step 3: Wake yourself up from the nap too late for it to feel refreshing, and spout profanity at all the time you've wasted.
Step 4: Continue to waste time by repeatedly checking Tumblr and AIM Express.
Step 5: Since you're on a roll with this path to Hell, go ahead and eat some doughnuts. And froyo. 3 servings sounds good.
Step 6: Flirt Have Internet Sex Talk with boys online. Age don' matter! If it's got a penis and wit, it gets indulged. Don't hold back.
Step 7: Do this for several solid hours until you're so tired you can barely type a sentence. Cut it off and look at your undone work.
Step 8: Begin meltdown. Angrily, miserably, desperately scramble to get something done. Give up and sleep.
Step 9: Wake up after an hour and half to keep working. Finish 5 minutes before it's due. You hate it. Good job.
Step 10: Come home from class, eat everything, and pass out on your bed, repeating the whole process.
There you have it; the past several weeks of my life. It's no wonder I won't lose weight. I'm too busy killing myself to let my body cope. And now, I sleep, having not finished my drawing homework, and waking up in 5 hours. End of depressing, self-obsessing entry.