(no subject)
I can laugh at my last entry, from two months ago, because life does that sort of thing to us. One day you're thinking to yourself, 'Things feel too good to be true.' Your life, is almost exactly where you'd like for it to be. You got accepted to the school you aimed for (and this isn't the first time this has happened, but this is the time that its actually...for fucking once, going to be put into motion wholly.), you have your ideal job, and people seem to give a fuck about your presence. The things you've been needing for years now.
This is Albert, visits every day at the kennel. He really is such an amazing dog.
Constant reminder of why I took this job in the first place, why I love it so much.
A walk through Belle Isle, always reminds me why I am here. Puts, for the most part, things in perspective.
I love fuzzy caterpillars. Oh hell, I just love animals.
I moved into my modest apartment, I started school up again, started the new job up again, and I have not felt more alone/desperate, in my entire life, than I have over the past two months of living here. I'd be a fool to think I'm the only one who deals with this sort of separation anxiety upon my release into the 'real world', but it doesn't make it any less painful. School is real hard. Especially when all the outside forces pressing down on you are just doing everything in their power to break you from your truest concentration. Because of the school's inability to contact me in a proper fashion about my acceptance, I didn't get to take any courses that I would have even remotely enjoyed, not to mention...they're all at fairly hideous times. I thought I could manage it though. Then all went to shit. People never call to hang out. I haven't met any new outstanding individuals, and no...if you think people are going to be kind, forget it, people are cruel. I should know this, since its been my entire life, but it gets to me every single time. The apartment's discrepencies came to the front line. I have Nazi professors. Not to mention, the kennel 'receptionist' job, has nothing to do with its said job title, I drive 30+ minutes through tolls back and forth, and I work a grand total of about...10 hours a week, when I need at least 20 to survive.
And even when we're feeling so up, something has gotta bring us down. Alex's car got broken into, for her cd player
faceplate. We both managed to nab tickets last month too. However, I get to go contest mine at court on the 11th.
Should be interesting. I didn't take an interest in law for nothing.
All that was ideal, is now anything but.
But lest I forget, those who stick around, keep me going when it gets so rough. My mother, even in dealing with her own unexpected financial blows, has made sure I have what I need, even a little more. She came down a couple weeks ago, and installed carpet in my bedroom since the wood floors in this place are in such bad shape. "To make it feel a little more like home." she'd say. But what really does make a home, is the love that is filling up the place. The moment she left, it was as if every bit of cheer and life left with her. So, since I am living alone, I guess it is my responsibility to exercise self-love... because this place is just as hollow, right now, as I feel on the inside. I don't know what I would do without Alex. You know, if you had absolutely no one at all to talk to, to vent to, to laugh with... you would go crazy. And this girl, just by simply being around the corner and always a phone call away, has kept me sane and going.
The tradition lives on. Trips to Harrisonburg must always occur in October.
Do you have love for Orange Sno Balls? It appears I have too much. (My new scarf. I am thrilled this is "in"
right now. I love accessories of sorts, especially hats and scarves.)
I drove to Harrisonburg to see Rocky last Wednesday. The drive felt so long for only being 2 hours. It was nice to get away. Alex came with, we did it with style, Red Bulls and Neon Orange Sno Balls. Funny how the goofiest of 'traditions' can be. His music will always be something very special to me. Portugal The Man, they were an interesting bunch, but made me giggle way too much with that silly live performance, and the 'mustachio' man. Anyways, I had the greasy basket of cheese fries and a tall plastic cup of coke, turning upside down in my stomach, when the man belted out the lyrics to 'She Was Only In It For The Rain' and 'Postcards From Kentucky'.
I still love Richmond. I love riding my new bike. I just wish I had someone to ride with. I love seeing good grades (when I get them). I miss photographing with my 35 MM, and I have hardly gotten the use out of the D80 that it deserves. I have so many ideas. I just need people to work with. Alas, there is no one. And I am nothing. But forever working to change that. The bells that ring at the church across the street from my building, every day at noon, they are beautiful.
This is Albert, visits every day at the kennel. He really is such an amazing dog.
Constant reminder of why I took this job in the first place, why I love it so much.
A walk through Belle Isle, always reminds me why I am here. Puts, for the most part, things in perspective.
I love fuzzy caterpillars. Oh hell, I just love animals.
I moved into my modest apartment, I started school up again, started the new job up again, and I have not felt more alone/desperate, in my entire life, than I have over the past two months of living here. I'd be a fool to think I'm the only one who deals with this sort of separation anxiety upon my release into the 'real world', but it doesn't make it any less painful. School is real hard. Especially when all the outside forces pressing down on you are just doing everything in their power to break you from your truest concentration. Because of the school's inability to contact me in a proper fashion about my acceptance, I didn't get to take any courses that I would have even remotely enjoyed, not to mention...they're all at fairly hideous times. I thought I could manage it though. Then all went to shit. People never call to hang out. I haven't met any new outstanding individuals, and no...if you think people are going to be kind, forget it, people are cruel. I should know this, since its been my entire life, but it gets to me every single time. The apartment's discrepencies came to the front line. I have Nazi professors. Not to mention, the kennel 'receptionist' job, has nothing to do with its said job title, I drive 30+ minutes through tolls back and forth, and I work a grand total of about...10 hours a week, when I need at least 20 to survive.
And even when we're feeling so up, something has gotta bring us down. Alex's car got broken into, for her cd player
faceplate. We both managed to nab tickets last month too. However, I get to go contest mine at court on the 11th.
Should be interesting. I didn't take an interest in law for nothing.
All that was ideal, is now anything but.
But lest I forget, those who stick around, keep me going when it gets so rough. My mother, even in dealing with her own unexpected financial blows, has made sure I have what I need, even a little more. She came down a couple weeks ago, and installed carpet in my bedroom since the wood floors in this place are in such bad shape. "To make it feel a little more like home." she'd say. But what really does make a home, is the love that is filling up the place. The moment she left, it was as if every bit of cheer and life left with her. So, since I am living alone, I guess it is my responsibility to exercise self-love... because this place is just as hollow, right now, as I feel on the inside. I don't know what I would do without Alex. You know, if you had absolutely no one at all to talk to, to vent to, to laugh with... you would go crazy. And this girl, just by simply being around the corner and always a phone call away, has kept me sane and going.
The tradition lives on. Trips to Harrisonburg must always occur in October.
Do you have love for Orange Sno Balls? It appears I have too much. (My new scarf. I am thrilled this is "in"
right now. I love accessories of sorts, especially hats and scarves.)
I drove to Harrisonburg to see Rocky last Wednesday. The drive felt so long for only being 2 hours. It was nice to get away. Alex came with, we did it with style, Red Bulls and Neon Orange Sno Balls. Funny how the goofiest of 'traditions' can be. His music will always be something very special to me. Portugal The Man, they were an interesting bunch, but made me giggle way too much with that silly live performance, and the 'mustachio' man. Anyways, I had the greasy basket of cheese fries and a tall plastic cup of coke, turning upside down in my stomach, when the man belted out the lyrics to 'She Was Only In It For The Rain' and 'Postcards From Kentucky'.
I still love Richmond. I love riding my new bike. I just wish I had someone to ride with. I love seeing good grades (when I get them). I miss photographing with my 35 MM, and I have hardly gotten the use out of the D80 that it deserves. I have so many ideas. I just need people to work with. Alas, there is no one. And I am nothing. But forever working to change that. The bells that ring at the church across the street from my building, every day at noon, they are beautiful.