"I'm killing you, you're killing me...."
I heard this song earlier on the radio. I hadn't heard it in quite a long time and had forgotten how much I like it.
Naturally, I am experiencing the withdrawal effects from stopping my daily dosage of Wellbutrin. Even though I am doing it somewhat gradually, it still fucks with me.
I was at the grocery store earlier, and just being around all the people gave me some bad anxiety and made my stomach start to hurt bad.
I hate being a slave to the meds, but it stopped the sucidal thoughts that would constantly weigh down on me on a daily basis when I was a teenager. It also got me through high school. I don't think I would've graduated without it. The extreme difficulty in concentration and being social would've fucked everything up.
I flunked numurous reports in my classes because it was required that I read them in front of my classmates. I flat out refused to do them. I would've rather taken a zero than get up in front of those people and read some bullshit off of some piece of paper. It was difficult enough for me to write mathematical problems on the chalk board with my back facing the class.
Thankfully, I got much better during my senior year. I was no longer afraid of all the eyes that seemed to pierce through me.
I don't really like experimenting with new meds or the lack of them. However, since I don't have a girlfriend or any major commitments, now is the best time to do it. Even though I really dislike the anxiety and lack of confidence that tends to go with the lack of meds. I don't feel like myself when I get like that. It's as if I become nothing more than a shadow of who I am or the kind of person I can be. Not fun at all.
When I get bad, I can feel all of the people at clubs or other social gatherings. Sometimes I feel like they are all staring at me. My ability to block them out weakens. As if I didn't pick up on the vibes and energy of others around me enough. The negative energy in this house alone bothers the hell out of me. I fealt free from it when I was staying with others.
Naturally, I am experiencing the withdrawal effects from stopping my daily dosage of Wellbutrin. Even though I am doing it somewhat gradually, it still fucks with me.
I was at the grocery store earlier, and just being around all the people gave me some bad anxiety and made my stomach start to hurt bad.
I hate being a slave to the meds, but it stopped the sucidal thoughts that would constantly weigh down on me on a daily basis when I was a teenager. It also got me through high school. I don't think I would've graduated without it. The extreme difficulty in concentration and being social would've fucked everything up.
I flunked numurous reports in my classes because it was required that I read them in front of my classmates. I flat out refused to do them. I would've rather taken a zero than get up in front of those people and read some bullshit off of some piece of paper. It was difficult enough for me to write mathematical problems on the chalk board with my back facing the class.
Thankfully, I got much better during my senior year. I was no longer afraid of all the eyes that seemed to pierce through me.
I don't really like experimenting with new meds or the lack of them. However, since I don't have a girlfriend or any major commitments, now is the best time to do it. Even though I really dislike the anxiety and lack of confidence that tends to go with the lack of meds. I don't feel like myself when I get like that. It's as if I become nothing more than a shadow of who I am or the kind of person I can be. Not fun at all.
When I get bad, I can feel all of the people at clubs or other social gatherings. Sometimes I feel like they are all staring at me. My ability to block them out weakens. As if I didn't pick up on the vibes and energy of others around me enough. The negative energy in this house alone bothers the hell out of me. I fealt free from it when I was staying with others.