Thoughts Swirling Around in My Head....
I feel like I am waking up from a haze. Sometimes it is like I am waking up from a bad dream only to find the bad dream is better than reality.
I am stained with bitterness, anger, contempt, hurt, and just flat out sadness. It's not just directed towards certain ppl who have been in my life. It is also directed towards myself.
I acknowledge the change in my meds may have some involvement in it, but damn.... I feel like so much time has been wasted. All because I allowed my feelings to take hold of me.
Why do I cry during certain scenes in Lord of the Rings?? Because I'm a fucking romantic. Plus, I am too fucking emotional for my own good. There is nothing I can do to change that.
I think there are far too few real romantics left in this town to really share anything with, or engage in some real conversation where someone would really listen to me and put their defenses and walls aside for once. Either that or they are too wrapped up in their relationships or need for a relationship to bother with anything else.
I have previously thought about just starting over in a new place so I can meet new people, and I still have that desire.
Perhaps I am wrong, perhaps I have failed to get to know certain people well enough, but damn this fucking town is getting too small for me. I can weed through all the good and bad and it is like going around in circles.
Fuck everyone who has got in my way and made me feel like shit. You never deserved my friendship, generosity, or loyalty. Certainly not my love.
Grrrr.... I am very frustrated.
I am finding my real motivation....
End rant for now.
I am stained with bitterness, anger, contempt, hurt, and just flat out sadness. It's not just directed towards certain ppl who have been in my life. It is also directed towards myself.
I acknowledge the change in my meds may have some involvement in it, but damn.... I feel like so much time has been wasted. All because I allowed my feelings to take hold of me.
Why do I cry during certain scenes in Lord of the Rings?? Because I'm a fucking romantic. Plus, I am too fucking emotional for my own good. There is nothing I can do to change that.
I think there are far too few real romantics left in this town to really share anything with, or engage in some real conversation where someone would really listen to me and put their defenses and walls aside for once. Either that or they are too wrapped up in their relationships or need for a relationship to bother with anything else.
I have previously thought about just starting over in a new place so I can meet new people, and I still have that desire.
Perhaps I am wrong, perhaps I have failed to get to know certain people well enough, but damn this fucking town is getting too small for me. I can weed through all the good and bad and it is like going around in circles.
Fuck everyone who has got in my way and made me feel like shit. You never deserved my friendship, generosity, or loyalty. Certainly not my love.
Grrrr.... I am very frustrated.
I am finding my real motivation....
End rant for now.