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I'm here sitting in the engineering building tonight wondering about my lifes past. For some reason whenever I think of the past I think of being stressed, sad or something, and not because of reasons that most of you think. Though I know I have had a great childhood everytime I hear about people in highschool I feel some resentment towards them. Maybe cause they have it easy, or maybe cause I feel like I missed something back in those years. I cant quite put my finger on it but its a recurring source of anxiety for me and I feel like I will never shake it. And no its not anxiety because of what most of you think. Its different, a problem within myself.
I don't know why I push so hard. Sometimes I just want to stop and be a bum and watch family guy for the rest of my life. But I keep pushing and pushing until there is no time left in the day to think or reflect, I end up driving myself crazy. Then the next day when I have a minute to relax I tell myself I'm not doing enough, I am being lazy, yet every person around me tells me I am doing way more than I have to. I hope the rest of college/life doesn't have to be this way, I don't want my whole week planned down to the minute anymore, I need more time to myself.
I don't know why I push so hard. Sometimes I just want to stop and be a bum and watch family guy for the rest of my life. But I keep pushing and pushing until there is no time left in the day to think or reflect, I end up driving myself crazy. Then the next day when I have a minute to relax I tell myself I'm not doing enough, I am being lazy, yet every person around me tells me I am doing way more than I have to. I hope the rest of college/life doesn't have to be this way, I don't want my whole week planned down to the minute anymore, I need more time to myself.