Work quirks
I work with a hobbit.
And not a cool hobbit, either. Not an "I'm so cool I can be in two successive movies where I don't speak and STILL be awesome" hobbit. Not an "I was a GOONIE, bitches!" hobbit. Not even a "my next role will consist of being stranded on an island for the better part of five years. With polar bears" hobbit.
I'm talking a super creepy hobbit. Like, a hobbit crossed with a bag lady. With some troll or gnome thrown in. Can a hobbit be, simultaneously, a dwarf? A sort of Gimli Baggins, if you will? And also female? I don't know. This might be outside even Tolkien's limits.
She is a short wide woman with greasy GREASY badly highlighted hair. And a lame foot that makes her sort of hobble. And she has to wear a special brace on it that prevents her from wearing anything other than beat-to-hell sneakers or faux Croc clogs. *shudder*
She was the biggest, ugliest faded red long puffy coat. She hunches a little. And she always ALWAYS has eight million bags for her portable DVD player and her mountain of snacks and her huge cup that makes the BIG GULP look like a sippy cup and her books and her...I don't know, CRAP.
We have bag checks at our store. I have to look through every one of those things every time I work with her. And she insists on telling me what each item is for, as if I actually care if she walks out of there with a $5 lipgloss.
OH MY GOD! You know who she is? She's the creepy dump lady from Labyrinth! EXACTLY!! ugh, super gross.
I literally cannot see her without thinking "hobbit hobbit hobbit hobbit hobbit HOBBIT HOBBIT!" My strength of will to have not said it out loud yet is ASTOUNDING.
Yikes.
If you do not work with a hobbit, count your blessings. For real.
And not a cool hobbit, either. Not an "I'm so cool I can be in two successive movies where I don't speak and STILL be awesome" hobbit. Not an "I was a GOONIE, bitches!" hobbit. Not even a "my next role will consist of being stranded on an island for the better part of five years. With polar bears" hobbit.
I'm talking a super creepy hobbit. Like, a hobbit crossed with a bag lady. With some troll or gnome thrown in. Can a hobbit be, simultaneously, a dwarf? A sort of Gimli Baggins, if you will? And also female? I don't know. This might be outside even Tolkien's limits.
She is a short wide woman with greasy GREASY badly highlighted hair. And a lame foot that makes her sort of hobble. And she has to wear a special brace on it that prevents her from wearing anything other than beat-to-hell sneakers or faux Croc clogs. *shudder*
She was the biggest, ugliest faded red long puffy coat. She hunches a little. And she always ALWAYS has eight million bags for her portable DVD player and her mountain of snacks and her huge cup that makes the BIG GULP look like a sippy cup and her books and her...I don't know, CRAP.
We have bag checks at our store. I have to look through every one of those things every time I work with her. And she insists on telling me what each item is for, as if I actually care if she walks out of there with a $5 lipgloss.
OH MY GOD! You know who she is? She's the creepy dump lady from Labyrinth! EXACTLY!! ugh, super gross.
I literally cannot see her without thinking "hobbit hobbit hobbit hobbit hobbit HOBBIT HOBBIT!" My strength of will to have not said it out loud yet is ASTOUNDING.
Yikes.
If you do not work with a hobbit, count your blessings. For real.