FANFIC | Could Have's
Title: Could Have's
Characters/Pairings: Pevensies; Susan/Caspian (suggestive)
Rating: K+
Summary: Susan could be a bit of crier, Peter knew.
Author's Note: Written for casue100; prompt set 50/50, #053 beautiful (will be posted there eventually). Post movie!PC. I feel like this one could be more tightly written.
Disclaimer: All rights go to CS Lewis, Walden Media, etc.
Could Have's
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Susan could be a bit of a crier, Peter knew. And she wasn’t the most beautiful crier either.
All her facial features would seem to get all puffy and her nose would go impressively crimson despite how pale she usually was. Even more impressive (and bit disconcerting) was how her blue eyes would no longer have their white edges, but a complete sheen of red.
It could’ve been an infectious disease, Peter decides.
By no means is Peter insensitive to Susan’s crying sessions. After their stumble out of the wardrobe, Susan was prone to these sessions and Peter would be the one she went to. Because he was the older brother, and she couldn’t expect Edmund or Lucy to bear extra grief for lost years and dwindling memories. During the early months of returning to England life, Susan was particularly sensitive to the most trivial of memories.
She once cried her woes for her Horse that she left back in Narnia (and it was one of the few times where she had referred to their unattainable kingdom by name). However, due to the subject matter, Peter simply rolled his eyes and discussed that he missed purging Narnia of the last of the Witch’s army.
Now, Peter cannot help but think of a certain discussion they had late one evening when the others were tucked in bed (they were too old to be tucked into bed themselves). There were tears and crying, of course, as Peter had come to expect these things when talking to Susan. She was still a horrid sight when she cried.
She reminisced over all the suitors that came to ask her hand and sadly laughed at her rejecting most of them (as Peter did the honors and rejected quite a few himself). Through flared nostrils and furrowed brows, she said with a whimsical smile:
“I could’ve loved one of them.”
Peter just shook his head then, because he knew she couldn’t have. “I know you couldn’t have,” he said exactly, and she responded with an embarrassed grin and a nod of her head. She knew he knew, because he was Peter after all. And if he knew the intentions of her suitors, he knew the sentiments of his sister.
He watched her clumsily wipes away the obnoxious stream of tears as though the fact that they were no longer in Narnia stripped her of any gracefulness she had. And maybe that was true, because he could admit that he didn’t feel compassionate enough to console her right then like he usually did.
This is the memory he compares her to now, when he sits down beside Susan at the other end of the train car. The car had emptied slowly one stop after the other, and now it just consisted of his brother and sisters and a handful of other single passengers.
“How much longer until we’re there?” Susan asks him when he sits. He glances to the opposite side of the car to see Lucy asleep against Edmund and Edmund trying to be comfortable reading a book.
“Not much,” was his succinct reply, and Susan nods.
They sit in silence for a while, neither knowing where to even begin their discussion after being thrown out of Narnia again (and for good this time). Peter almost expects Susan to start one of her crying sessions, but they were in a public place, and Edmund was around and Susan knew how perceptive the boy was.
He almost wishes she would just so they could have a laugh at an icebreaker.
Minutes and minutes pass as they sit, and Peter feels like he’s been jerked awake when he hears her speak.
“I could’ve loved him,” she says, and Peter finally turns to look at her.
To his surprise, she is crying. For months, he had learned all the telltale signs of Susan’s impending tears. There were the ragged breaths, the loud and not-so-subtle sniffling, the agitation of arms and hands, none of which were present here. A single tear had made its way down her cheeks from eyes that still had their prominent whites. In fact, her skin had no color of red except for her natural blush. Susan looks straight ahead from her seat, and all Peter can do is stare. He sees her bite her lip and turn away from him to escape his scrutiny.
She’s trying not to cry, Peter realizes. But she’s trying not to at a time when she actually needs to. Peter knew she was never a beautiful crier, but he couldn’t find any other way to describe the sight before him now as anything other than sadly beautiful.
And he feels sad for her. And strange for himself, because who would have thought he’d find his sister’s crying to be beautiful? Will this be how they end up? With toiled emotions of a land forbidden to them? He had loved - still loves - Narnia, because he has seen its prosperities and its griefs. And he knows that Susan is not only mourning for the kingdom they love, but also a man she left.
So he slowly reaches over and slips the fingers of his hand through hers, and he says:
“I know you do.”
And that is all he needs to say for her chin to dip, her face crumbling as the floodgates break and the intensity of her emotions are released. Out of the corner of his eyes, Peter sees that Edmund notices but says nothing. So all Peter can do is pull Susan towards him, and he wraps his arms around her and lets her cry.
Because he feels part of what she feels and can comfort her like he always does.
............
Fin
Characters/Pairings: Pevensies; Susan/Caspian (suggestive)
Rating: K+
Summary: Susan could be a bit of crier, Peter knew.
Author's Note: Written for casue100; prompt set 50/50, #053 beautiful (will be posted there eventually). Post movie!PC. I feel like this one could be more tightly written.
Disclaimer: All rights go to CS Lewis, Walden Media, etc.
Could Have's
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Susan could be a bit of a crier, Peter knew. And she wasn’t the most beautiful crier either.
All her facial features would seem to get all puffy and her nose would go impressively crimson despite how pale she usually was. Even more impressive (and bit disconcerting) was how her blue eyes would no longer have their white edges, but a complete sheen of red.
It could’ve been an infectious disease, Peter decides.
By no means is Peter insensitive to Susan’s crying sessions. After their stumble out of the wardrobe, Susan was prone to these sessions and Peter would be the one she went to. Because he was the older brother, and she couldn’t expect Edmund or Lucy to bear extra grief for lost years and dwindling memories. During the early months of returning to England life, Susan was particularly sensitive to the most trivial of memories.
She once cried her woes for her Horse that she left back in Narnia (and it was one of the few times where she had referred to their unattainable kingdom by name). However, due to the subject matter, Peter simply rolled his eyes and discussed that he missed purging Narnia of the last of the Witch’s army.
Now, Peter cannot help but think of a certain discussion they had late one evening when the others were tucked in bed (they were too old to be tucked into bed themselves). There were tears and crying, of course, as Peter had come to expect these things when talking to Susan. She was still a horrid sight when she cried.
She reminisced over all the suitors that came to ask her hand and sadly laughed at her rejecting most of them (as Peter did the honors and rejected quite a few himself). Through flared nostrils and furrowed brows, she said with a whimsical smile:
“I could’ve loved one of them.”
Peter just shook his head then, because he knew she couldn’t have. “I know you couldn’t have,” he said exactly, and she responded with an embarrassed grin and a nod of her head. She knew he knew, because he was Peter after all. And if he knew the intentions of her suitors, he knew the sentiments of his sister.
He watched her clumsily wipes away the obnoxious stream of tears as though the fact that they were no longer in Narnia stripped her of any gracefulness she had. And maybe that was true, because he could admit that he didn’t feel compassionate enough to console her right then like he usually did.
This is the memory he compares her to now, when he sits down beside Susan at the other end of the train car. The car had emptied slowly one stop after the other, and now it just consisted of his brother and sisters and a handful of other single passengers.
“How much longer until we’re there?” Susan asks him when he sits. He glances to the opposite side of the car to see Lucy asleep against Edmund and Edmund trying to be comfortable reading a book.
“Not much,” was his succinct reply, and Susan nods.
They sit in silence for a while, neither knowing where to even begin their discussion after being thrown out of Narnia again (and for good this time). Peter almost expects Susan to start one of her crying sessions, but they were in a public place, and Edmund was around and Susan knew how perceptive the boy was.
He almost wishes she would just so they could have a laugh at an icebreaker.
Minutes and minutes pass as they sit, and Peter feels like he’s been jerked awake when he hears her speak.
“I could’ve loved him,” she says, and Peter finally turns to look at her.
To his surprise, she is crying. For months, he had learned all the telltale signs of Susan’s impending tears. There were the ragged breaths, the loud and not-so-subtle sniffling, the agitation of arms and hands, none of which were present here. A single tear had made its way down her cheeks from eyes that still had their prominent whites. In fact, her skin had no color of red except for her natural blush. Susan looks straight ahead from her seat, and all Peter can do is stare. He sees her bite her lip and turn away from him to escape his scrutiny.
She’s trying not to cry, Peter realizes. But she’s trying not to at a time when she actually needs to. Peter knew she was never a beautiful crier, but he couldn’t find any other way to describe the sight before him now as anything other than sadly beautiful.
And he feels sad for her. And strange for himself, because who would have thought he’d find his sister’s crying to be beautiful? Will this be how they end up? With toiled emotions of a land forbidden to them? He had loved - still loves - Narnia, because he has seen its prosperities and its griefs. And he knows that Susan is not only mourning for the kingdom they love, but also a man she left.
So he slowly reaches over and slips the fingers of his hand through hers, and he says:
“I know you do.”
And that is all he needs to say for her chin to dip, her face crumbling as the floodgates break and the intensity of her emotions are released. Out of the corner of his eyes, Peter sees that Edmund notices but says nothing. So all Peter can do is pull Susan towards him, and he wraps his arms around her and lets her cry.
Because he feels part of what she feels and can comfort her like he always does.
............
Fin