Falling in Love
Okay,
Yesturday we didn't go to Perfect 10 because everyone was tired, had no money, or something came up...so I found myself BYMYSELF at home...I actually had a night BYMYSELF, I didn't do anything....I just relaxed, watched TV, and listened to music, and then went to sleep early.
Desi bought me a stuffed bear and a card and gave it to me last night...it was so sweet, something I would do for one of my friends...but it was done to ME this time...I felt special.
The strangest thing occured to me though. I was listening to a CD I haven't listen to in a long time. And all the songs seemed different. At first the usual memories arose in my brain as I swayed to the music. Because each CD I have I have partied with at my friends house or they were at my house partying...we party with Techno a lot (depending on what we are doing or what we are on). Anyways so here I am chilling listening to the music and I just feel so happy. No lie. I am sober, bymyself, not depressed....I am the total opposite...I am smiling, listening to the happy music. And then I realize the not only is the music happy sounding but i am happy acting. I am smiling, bobing my head, sing the lyrics, remebering things from the past in a happy way instead of MISSING it.
I usually think about the OLD days and MISS it...wishing it could be that way again...but always knowing there is no one like Karen that will be in my life ever again, there is no more rave scene like there was then (the underground ravers that flocked to one hidden spot where only WE truly understood why we all were there, needed to be there, wanted to be there...) I didn't get all sad from missing when I felt my life was SOOOOO GREAT then and BLAH now. When I had more then enough money, my car worked magnificently...
This time I was just purely and simply and sincerely happy.
Now if that isn't stange enough guess what else? Half the time I was remenicing on the good memories from the past and remebering the fun times partying with friends...then all of the sudden something that even i couldn't control happened...I started thinking about Brandon and all my warm happy feelings INTENSIFIED dramatically. It was crazy. Even when riding the bus today just thinking about him makes me feel calm and satisifed and complete. I have never told any of my other boyfriends the I loved them. I am about turn 22, so I think I have been saving those words pretty well. I always see my friends using that word with such ease...well it is not as easy for me. I am very particular. It is easier to tell me friend that I love them because I do...but you know how it is a different kind of love. So that is why it is easier for me to open up to friends. I never opened up to my boyfriends. I have opened up to Brandon a lot more then any other guy. Not near everything, but more then any other guy. Another shocker...he is 2 years younger then me, and I have never dated anyone younger before. He is full of many surprises. He just seems to impress me more everyday. The point to all of this is that I think I am falling in love. I am not ready to tell him that I love him...but today just thinking about him...I thought abotu telling him and how I want to tell him, but it is too soon. So I am going to wait. I am so picky on certain topics sometimes that I drive MYSELF crazy.
But when the time is right and the feeling is right it will happen.
I called my sister today. She will be at my house Monday through Wednesday because she has seminars in Austin...then she will take me to my parents on Thursday for Thanksgiving...I haven't seen them in like 6 months!!!! I am so excited. And I don't usually get excited to see my family...especially THIS excited. Then my roomate will be in town that day too, and she will most likely take me home Thursday night when she goes home. So I have a lot to look forward too.
Well, I am going to get to work now...I am slacking in the office! It is kewl getting paid to be on the internet browsing and all...but fair is fair, now I must get to working.
Much love my peeps!
Yesturday we didn't go to Perfect 10 because everyone was tired, had no money, or something came up...so I found myself BYMYSELF at home...I actually had a night BYMYSELF, I didn't do anything....I just relaxed, watched TV, and listened to music, and then went to sleep early.
Desi bought me a stuffed bear and a card and gave it to me last night...it was so sweet, something I would do for one of my friends...but it was done to ME this time...I felt special.
The strangest thing occured to me though. I was listening to a CD I haven't listen to in a long time. And all the songs seemed different. At first the usual memories arose in my brain as I swayed to the music. Because each CD I have I have partied with at my friends house or they were at my house partying...we party with Techno a lot (depending on what we are doing or what we are on). Anyways so here I am chilling listening to the music and I just feel so happy. No lie. I am sober, bymyself, not depressed....I am the total opposite...I am smiling, listening to the happy music. And then I realize the not only is the music happy sounding but i am happy acting. I am smiling, bobing my head, sing the lyrics, remebering things from the past in a happy way instead of MISSING it.
I usually think about the OLD days and MISS it...wishing it could be that way again...but always knowing there is no one like Karen that will be in my life ever again, there is no more rave scene like there was then (the underground ravers that flocked to one hidden spot where only WE truly understood why we all were there, needed to be there, wanted to be there...) I didn't get all sad from missing when I felt my life was SOOOOO GREAT then and BLAH now. When I had more then enough money, my car worked magnificently...
This time I was just purely and simply and sincerely happy.
Now if that isn't stange enough guess what else? Half the time I was remenicing on the good memories from the past and remebering the fun times partying with friends...then all of the sudden something that even i couldn't control happened...I started thinking about Brandon and all my warm happy feelings INTENSIFIED dramatically. It was crazy. Even when riding the bus today just thinking about him makes me feel calm and satisifed and complete. I have never told any of my other boyfriends the I loved them. I am about turn 22, so I think I have been saving those words pretty well. I always see my friends using that word with such ease...well it is not as easy for me. I am very particular. It is easier to tell me friend that I love them because I do...but you know how it is a different kind of love. So that is why it is easier for me to open up to friends. I never opened up to my boyfriends. I have opened up to Brandon a lot more then any other guy. Not near everything, but more then any other guy. Another shocker...he is 2 years younger then me, and I have never dated anyone younger before. He is full of many surprises. He just seems to impress me more everyday. The point to all of this is that I think I am falling in love. I am not ready to tell him that I love him...but today just thinking about him...I thought abotu telling him and how I want to tell him, but it is too soon. So I am going to wait. I am so picky on certain topics sometimes that I drive MYSELF crazy.
But when the time is right and the feeling is right it will happen.
I called my sister today. She will be at my house Monday through Wednesday because she has seminars in Austin...then she will take me to my parents on Thursday for Thanksgiving...I haven't seen them in like 6 months!!!! I am so excited. And I don't usually get excited to see my family...especially THIS excited. Then my roomate will be in town that day too, and she will most likely take me home Thursday night when she goes home. So I have a lot to look forward too.
Well, I am going to get to work now...I am slacking in the office! It is kewl getting paid to be on the internet browsing and all...but fair is fair, now I must get to working.
Much love my peeps!