(no subject)
I'm so tired, but its all just so heavy.
I've inhaled a few books, because that's the easierst way to just make my miond focus on something else. Its really the only thing that I can do to shut my mind off. I just finished the third. Each one was over 500 pages long.
I suppose that Its a healthy way to stop thinking, rather than the drinking that I have seen others do, and the anger even a few of my other relatives have. The funeral was a strange event, and the wake was more of a reunion than a parting.
My family is made up of a large number of good people that hzave strange defense mechanisms. Bobby uses humor, Mike uses logic, Tom uses drugs, and my mother. My mother is just. another story.
Its been a double shot of perspective, crammed down mty throat leaving me drowwning for normalcy and choking back contempt. My heart hurts and my brain reels. Because this. All of this has forced me to take a serious look at my priorities.
And now, I'm at that same impasse of not knowing how selfish I really can be when everything in me tells me to be selfless. But whats funny about being selfless is that you wake up one day and you realize that you spent six years giving all of you away and you don't know who you are anymore.
I'm going to see movies with Tef. Another good way to not be thinking about important things.
How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered
I always turn the car around
All that I feel is the realness I'm faking
Taking my time but it's time that I'm wasting
Always turn the car around
Don't wanna turn that car around
I gotta turn this thing around
--O|A|R
I've inhaled a few books, because that's the easierst way to just make my miond focus on something else. Its really the only thing that I can do to shut my mind off. I just finished the third. Each one was over 500 pages long.
I suppose that Its a healthy way to stop thinking, rather than the drinking that I have seen others do, and the anger even a few of my other relatives have. The funeral was a strange event, and the wake was more of a reunion than a parting.
My family is made up of a large number of good people that hzave strange defense mechanisms. Bobby uses humor, Mike uses logic, Tom uses drugs, and my mother. My mother is just. another story.
Its been a double shot of perspective, crammed down mty throat leaving me drowwning for normalcy and choking back contempt. My heart hurts and my brain reels. Because this. All of this has forced me to take a serious look at my priorities.
And now, I'm at that same impasse of not knowing how selfish I really can be when everything in me tells me to be selfless. But whats funny about being selfless is that you wake up one day and you realize that you spent six years giving all of you away and you don't know who you are anymore.
I'm going to see movies with Tef. Another good way to not be thinking about important things.
How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered
I always turn the car around
All that I feel is the realness I'm faking
Taking my time but it's time that I'm wasting
Always turn the car around
Don't wanna turn that car around
I gotta turn this thing around
--O|A|R