(no subject)
Last night I had a really upsetting dream. It was so upsetting that I couldn't fall back asleep for a while and I was upset for several hours. In fact, I'm still a little disturbed by the dream. I dreamed that the public library was now charging you to have a library card.
In my dream, I went to the library, and they told me that there is now a fee to have a library card. I asked how much the charge was, and the librarian said, "There's a monthly rate, which comes out to about $2 per day*..." and I immediately started sobbing. (*I know this doesn't really make sense--why would he not just tell me the monthly cost of a library card? But this was a dream, and things don't always make sense. There was also a yearly fee, which would be slightly cheaper overall than the monthly fee, but I started sobbing before the librarian could tell me, and it would have still been expensive, and I would have had to pay for the entire year upfront, something I couldn't do anyway.)
You may think that this is a silly dream to be so upset over--I wasn't even this upset when I dreamed that my cat died. But the reason why I was so upset is that with my current situation, I can not afford that. When I dreamed that Simon died, I woke up, disturbed, and realized that he's still alive and that it was only a dream. But this morning I woke up and worried, "How will I pay my rent? Will I find a job? Will I be evicted? How will I survive?" The nightmare wasn't over.
Something I am really grateful for is, no matter how broke I am, I can read as many books as I want, because I have a library card. Reading is the one thing everyone can do, no matter how destitute they are. I am very grateful for this.
In my dream, I went to the library, and they told me that there is now a fee to have a library card. I asked how much the charge was, and the librarian said, "There's a monthly rate, which comes out to about $2 per day*..." and I immediately started sobbing. (*I know this doesn't really make sense--why would he not just tell me the monthly cost of a library card? But this was a dream, and things don't always make sense. There was also a yearly fee, which would be slightly cheaper overall than the monthly fee, but I started sobbing before the librarian could tell me, and it would have still been expensive, and I would have had to pay for the entire year upfront, something I couldn't do anyway.)
You may think that this is a silly dream to be so upset over--I wasn't even this upset when I dreamed that my cat died. But the reason why I was so upset is that with my current situation, I can not afford that. When I dreamed that Simon died, I woke up, disturbed, and realized that he's still alive and that it was only a dream. But this morning I woke up and worried, "How will I pay my rent? Will I find a job? Will I be evicted? How will I survive?" The nightmare wasn't over.
Something I am really grateful for is, no matter how broke I am, I can read as many books as I want, because I have a library card. Reading is the one thing everyone can do, no matter how destitute they are. I am very grateful for this.