THATS my idea of Equality

[surreul]

article

• In which linda claims that a woman with a masters from harvard is fucking wasted being a stay at home mom.

Yes. No duh. Thank you! First time I head someone saying/writing this.

• She also writes that being a stay at home mom is not intellectually fufilling.

 Feels so politically incorrect to even agree with this but I do. I've never

Comments

[spookycat4]

In the case of women you are contributing to the perception that women simply don't want high powered careers because you had the opportunity for one (a rare opportunity) and then opted out.

Can you honestly say that you don't think the fact that our government and business elites are dominated by men hurts women's issues? If you think it does - then elite women who opt out are hurting feminism.

>>>>>>

The reality that a lot of feminists don't want to admit, is that there are a great number of women who don't want high-powered careers. Or, at the very least, they don't want to pursue them when their children are young.

What I think hurts feminism, is the narrow agenda. Feminists seem to be only interested in women's careers (this can be business or sports). And, of course, abortion. But, to me, true feminism accepts and embraces all women. To me, abortion is not a feminist issue. There are a lot of career women who are pro-life and a lot of stay-at home moms who are pro-choice. But, the leading feminist organization (NOW) completely disregards the women who don't support unfettered access to abortion. I believe that I am in the maljority of people who support legalized abortion, with restrictions (parental notification, no late-term abortions, except to save the life of the mother). I don't feel like I have a place in the feminist agenda.

As far as women hurting themselves, by staying home, you might be surprised that I agree with you. But, I support the right of every woman to make her own choices. Personaly, I would never give up my own job (surprise), because I will never put myself in that situation. But, I did choose not to pursure a career (I've got a job). I believe I could easily have pursued a career. The only things I would have had to give up would have been time, family life, and providing my kids with access to the activities they wanted to pursue. There simply wasn't enough time or energy in our family for their activities and mine. And, I have to say, just so you don't think it was all one-sided, my husband has always done for our children. He's the one who took them to daycare for the majority of the time they were in daycare. He does a lot of the running involved in children's activities. It's a hell of a lot of work, and if we had to pay someone to do everything for our son that we do, we'd be broke.

We gave our daughter wings and she is soaring. She's in the Air Force and studying Korean, to become an airborne linguist. We're trying to give those same wings to our son (he's a little more resistant to the idea that school actually matters than she was). If I had chosen career over family time, there are things she wouldn't have had the opportunities she did and who knows what she'd be doing now.

Interestingly, my sister pursued a career at the expense of her daughter's opportunities(daddy was absent). My mom cared for my niece and she never wanted for love. She did however want more of her mother's time and she still has not gotten over not having a father. My sister married when she was fourteen and her husband adopted my niece, but she was and still is, jealous of my daughter. And, she's staying with a loser boyfriend, because she is terrified of her two daughters feeling the same way she felt, about not having a father.

My sister has a great job that she loves. But, she's also got a 21 year old daughter who has two kids and limited prospects. If she had spent less time pursuing her career, would her child have turned out different? I don't know. I'm just really glad I don't have the regrets she does.

Kim

[surreul]

I think that the choices you've made have obviously been the right ones for you, as you don't have regrets. However, what you are implying is that kids of women without careers do better, this translates to denigrating women who've made certain choices which is what you say should not be done. Also, this kind of argument, one that is based on personal experience, invites refutations based on personal expeirence. I could bring in my own personal story and that of friends and acquaintances that would contradict what you're saying and it's tempting to do that. I won't, because that kind of discussion ends up being one of oneupmanship doesn't lead anywhere interesting.

Please don't take this to mean I'm not interested in hearing about your personal experiences, I think hearing about people's lives and choices is fascinating, I just don't think it's an argument.

Feminism is not about making women happy. That's would be a ridiculous goal for any political movement. What makes people happy varies too much. Feminism isn't about abortion either. Feminism is about giving women more choices yes. That doesn't mean any choice a women makes is feminist. It means that in a society that limits women's choices feminism tries to increase the available choices. A woman who believes that women should be subservient to men is not embraced by feminism or at least damn well shouldn't be. (I'm not in any way implying that you are such a women or that stay at home women are, I'm just using this to illustrate how ridiculous it is to say feminism embraces all women).

As it happens, I agree that too narrow an agenda is bad (though so is an agenda that is too broad). I'm not sure feminism has a narrow agenda, though any particular organization might. Any arena in which society allows and encourages men to exercise power over women and takes away choices from women is an appropriate one for feminism. This is why abortion is a feminist issue, because laws that disallow abortion is society (and often/mostly men) exercising power over a woman's body. (The fact that career women or stay at home moms are for or against choice is completely irrelevant to whether it's feminist or not). Honestly, I know very little about NOW so I can't argue about what that particular organization supports or does not. What questions and problems would you like to see feminists tackle?