(no subject)

[surrealvista]

That phone call came last night......she had some mundane reason for calling having to do with my well being. Worried because of dreams she has been having she inquires about if I'm ok or not......I guess she always will and so will I. She told me shes already seeing someone and I told her that she is still the first thing on my mind before I get outta bed. She was suprized to hear that I was still alone. I don't know if Im givin up on love but chemestry is still real. I can still hold out on that so I don't feel like I am settling. I didn't know what to expect but that old comfortable way of being able to talk to each other was too easy to fall back into. I couldn't get off the phone because I probably wont hear from her again for a long long time. At least this time the talk was a good one. I was reminded of who she is now......that spastically borderline hysterical worry wort that blows everything out of proportion......wonder where she gets that.....its still cute in the same way that fingernails on a chalkboard might be cute. Its funny that I still know her so well that I can tell where her dreams came from. For the first time in a couple of months shes really idle....because shes on vacation. I wish it was more than that but its not and I guess that is still good. She said she was proud of me......for trying to stay true to myself. Not sure how I feel about that. Its like she is this long lost best friend that knows me better than I know me but she has lied to herself about me too....slowly the dust will settle.......doesn't matter anyway I can't be her buddy and she can't be my girl so anything is pointless........
I was starting to do really good too.....

I need to get away for a bit.....im all confused again damnit. All in all....It feels good to hold out on something....even if I am a bit confused about what it is at the moment.