Pornucopia 2007!

Oct 31, 2007 17:02


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pornucopia 07

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Sam/Jack-shoes-NC-17-ish syxp November 1 2007, 16:30:46 UTC
Jack slid the key into the lock and turned it with all the care of a naked man in a trench coat sneaking into his sleeping girlfriend’s house. He lifted the door to keep the hinges from squealing and tiptoed inside. Carter was a light sleeper and Jack held his breath once the door was closed behind him. He let his internal clock tick for a minute, listening to the silence.

Perfect. Phase one of scare-the-crap-out-of-Carter-on-Halloween was complete. He felt around for the coat rack that lived in the corner. His toe found it before his hands and he swallowed the curses that were trying to jump out of his throat.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. The coat rack was unsympathetic; he hung his jacket on it anyway.

Carter’s house was dark and Jack kept a hand on the wall as he walked to her bedroom. The air was full of late fall chill and Jack was sad that he’d waited too long to rent a gorilla suit. But really, who knew they were so popular? He’d called five places before giving up and deciding to dress up as 'not so scary naked guy who wants to have sex with Carter' instead. Maybe he should have done a better job of planning this. He hadn’t really fleshed out his original premise beyond ‘scare Carter; have sex with Carter.’ He’d have to play the rest by ear. Or by more interesting body parts if things went according to his limited plan.

Her bedroom door was open and he could just make out the oblivious Carter-shape on the bed. Jack stopped in the doorway and considered his next move. If he just pounced on her, she might beat the snot out of him before she was fully awake. Something more subtle than pouncing was needed--subtle, and yet scary. But not so scary that she’d be too pissed to participate in all the sex he had planned. It was a fine line.

The tightness in his balls urged him to hurry the hell up. He slid his hand down to quiet them; it didn’t really help. Maybe he’d have to settle for something less scary. Like shaving cream and a feather. Or whipped cream and a tongue. Fuck it. He was just going to go in and wake her up without all the scariness. There was always next year. He'd reserve a gorilla suit sometime in July. With his mind made up, he walked into the room and immediately tripped over a pair of ill-placed running shoes.

Jack fell on his face.

Loudly.

By the time he rolled over, Carter had turned on a light, jumped out of bed, and procured a weapon. “Don’t move,” she said. “What the--?” She kicked at him with her toe. “Jack?”

“Please don’t shoot me, Carter.” Jack’s eyes adjusted to the light and
holy shit. She was standing over him with a handgun. And nothing else. “Jesus, Carter. Why are you naked?” Jack was pretty sure she would never be hotter than she was at that moment.

“Why am
I naked?” She motioned toward him with the weapon-which she still hadn’t lowered. “I live here. What the hell are you doing here?”

“Trick-or-treating?” She didn’t think that was funny and Jack was glad he hadn’t gotten around to scaring her because he’d probably be just a little dead right now if he had. “I was in the area,” he said cautiously. “And I just thought I’d stop by. So we could be naked…together.” Maybe later he’d tell her about the gorilla suit. She glared at him. Maybe he’d never tell her about the gorilla suit.

Carter lowered her weapon to her side, clicked the safety back into place, and set it on her dresser. Jack propped himself up on his elbows so he could admire the view. The glare was gone when she came back and sat next to him. “You’re lucky I didn’t shoot you.”

“I know," he said. “Can we just pretend that didn’t happen?” She grinned at him and Jack knew there wasn’t a chance in hell of her ever letting him forget it. Jack rolled Carter onto her back before she could say anything else. “Maybe I can make you forget,” he said as he slid his hand up the inside of her thigh. His tongue followed and her fingers tightened in the carpet but she still had the slightly mocking tone in her voice.

“I guess you could try,” she said.

Jack was definitely up for that challenge. There was just one thing he needed to know first. “How do you feel about gorillas?”

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Re: Sam/Jack-shoes-NC-17-ish holdouttrout November 1 2007, 21:40:18 UTC
The coat rack was unsympathetic; he hung his jacket on it anyway.

I think this kind of anthropomorphism works for Jack. I really, really do. Great spot of humor. Hee! Jack and his totally random gorilla question (random only to Sam, of course).

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Re: Sam/Jack-shoes-NC-17-ish syxp November 11 2007, 01:41:36 UTC
Thanks.

I think I want to see Jack in a gorilla suit.

sharon

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Re: Sam/Jack-shoes-NC-17-ish sela21k November 12 2007, 16:29:39 UTC
This bring to mind Chris Judge's reactions to the subject of Furries. Wondering if Teal'c would have the same reaction to seeing Jack in a gorilla suit.

Very funny and sweet. Thank you.

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Re: Sam/Jack-shoes-NC-17-ish surreallis November 1 2007, 23:38:53 UTC
Hahahaha! Oh, Jack, you SO would do that and think it was the greatest idea ever!

Excellent Sharonfic!

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Re: Sam/Jack-shoes-NC-17-ish syxp November 11 2007, 01:42:17 UTC
Thanks!

Jack has the best ideas...

sharon

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Re: Sam/Jack-shoes-NC-17-ish katcorvi November 2 2007, 02:39:03 UTC
Jack never learns, but that's ok because we love him for it. So does Carter.

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Re: Sam/Jack-shoes-NC-17-ish syxp November 11 2007, 01:43:00 UTC
Carter loves Jack for the hawt secks.

sharon

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Re: Sam/Jack-shoes-NC-17-ish spiletta42 November 2 2007, 03:40:12 UTC
*dies laughing*

That was fantastic!

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Re: Sam/Jack-shoes-NC-17-ish syxp November 11 2007, 01:43:29 UTC
Thanks!

sharon

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Re: Sam/Jack-shoes-NC-17-ish beanpot November 2 2007, 13:06:35 UTC
**chortle!** I love his plan - scare Carter, have sex with Carter! Hysterical. Love.

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Re: Sam/Jack-shoes-NC-17-ish syxp November 11 2007, 01:44:30 UTC
Jack is a great tactician...

Thanks,

Sharon

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Re: Sam/Jack-shoes-NC-17-ish nandamai November 2 2007, 15:15:55 UTC
Hahahahahahahaha!

This is fantastic, Sharon. So very Jack. Also, I'm with him -- armed naked!Sam is incredibly hot.

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Re: Sam/Jack-shoes-NC-17-ish syxp November 11 2007, 01:45:24 UTC
lol
Thanks. As soon as I wrote that, I was like 'wow, that would be pretty hot'...

sharon

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Re: Sam/Jack-shoes-NC-17-ish winterfish November 3 2007, 00:44:33 UTC
Bwahahah! Fantastic fic. I love how, confronted with a naked, armed Sam (mmmmm) Jack's still obsessed with the gorilla suit question. :)

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Re: Sam/Jack-shoes-NC-17-ish syxp November 11 2007, 01:46:17 UTC
Jack has a one track mind apparently.

Thanks.

sharon

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