Quaggy.
Tonight I emulate my mood in several ways. Several, and all involve money and things I geek about.
For one, Brian Regan will be in Ames tomorrow night.
Brian Regan.
Of all the stand up comedians I love, he's in the triad that owns my heart. He is never not funny, no matter how much you listen to him. My brother and I yell his cd at each other at family things. I just love him so much, and I'm dying to go.
...But the tickets are forty bucks, forty bucks which I don't have. Money that I need to spend on groceries and cleaning products and (sadly) one more text book that I've tried to not buy but, dammit, I need it.
But I want to go soooooo badly...
Damn funny man.
For two, the March to Keep Fear Alive. I'm sure none of you have heard about this little gathering happening in Washington in three weeks. I had made my peace with not being able to go. But then I received an email, and I went to the link, and I found someone in a form who is leaving from the Quad Cities and have figured out how to get there for about $120 apiece. I sent a furious message to Justo - THE QUAD CITIES!- to which he quite wisely hasn't responded to yet. I'm glad he hasn't encouraged me since I would be begging him to drive us both over there to meet these complete strangers and ride with them.
Both situations are similar. I want to go, I can't go. I tell myself it isn't my last chance ever to see either Brian, Stephen or Jon, that they aren't any of them near retirement. I won't always be a starving college student. But that just brings up other things that make me worry.
I'm not sure I'm doing the right thing. I'm so far behind academically. I'll probably be here three years, which isn't that bad, really. But I feel directionless. I love science, but when I get discouraged and confused in my chemistry class I just kind of want to give up. And giving up is like death. I'd have to get a real job, I'd have to move out and be stuck in podunk Iowa. And then I'll be stuck getting married or something.
So it is much easier to get upset about how Arianna Huffington is providing buses from NYC to Washington but I can't figure out how to get from Ames.
I'm actually not as close to despair as I sound, I promise. Because then when things click, when I balance an equation with the slightest of ease, I am back on top of the world. Once I get out of the teaching prep courses I'm in I'll be so much happier. And I'll talk to my advisor and face the music, that I'm a science major Junior with no math and little science.
Fun.
I'd also be a lot better if I ate better. I've been having crazy dreams. One, I put on a ton of weight (3 or 4 times my current weight in a couple of weeks time) and my mom was yelling at me. The other night (I'm a fangirl even in my sleep) Stephen Colbert had blimped massively. (Maybe even Jon had, but I could just be confusing that with the day I spent watching old episodes of the Daily Show and going oh my god, he's put on weight!) Then this past weekend I was back home, and I was eating everything in the kitchen, even though I wasn't hungry at all. And I was trying to keep it from my mom. She's been angry with me in both of them.
So I think I may be a little stressed... but then again, it is midterms, and I'm not doing spectacularly in my classes. Which is pretty much my own fault. But now I'm taking a much more proactive stance on things, and I'm aware that I'm cutting myself off from the people around me. So time spent out of this apartment is just as good as time spent in.
And if all else fails, there's always computer labs that are open until late at night, where I can watch hours of mindless tv. Even though doing that during the day is so disorienting. Like after said Old!Daily Show marathon.
In related news... Elisse has a copy of Death to Smoochy and says we must watch it this weekend. I told her I have never seen it but I've never heard of anyone who has seen it and given it a good review. I thought she was going to backhand me in the mouth. Apparently it is one of her favorites. I guess there is no accounting for taste. But I want to see it because... because, to be completely frank, when I obsess about something, I obsess hard. It isn't pretty.
But Justin said he'd make out with Stewart. So I'm not the only one.
Even though being preoccupied with fake news broadcasters is officially about a thousand times more awkward than teenage wizards, hobbits, timelords, digimon, pokemon trainers, or band members. Just saying.
Still...
So. Fucking. Close. Like, within a mile close. *Weeps angry tears*
For one, Brian Regan will be in Ames tomorrow night.
Brian Regan.
Of all the stand up comedians I love, he's in the triad that owns my heart. He is never not funny, no matter how much you listen to him. My brother and I yell his cd at each other at family things. I just love him so much, and I'm dying to go.
...But the tickets are forty bucks, forty bucks which I don't have. Money that I need to spend on groceries and cleaning products and (sadly) one more text book that I've tried to not buy but, dammit, I need it.
But I want to go soooooo badly...
Damn funny man.
For two, the March to Keep Fear Alive. I'm sure none of you have heard about this little gathering happening in Washington in three weeks. I had made my peace with not being able to go. But then I received an email, and I went to the link, and I found someone in a form who is leaving from the Quad Cities and have figured out how to get there for about $120 apiece. I sent a furious message to Justo - THE QUAD CITIES!- to which he quite wisely hasn't responded to yet. I'm glad he hasn't encouraged me since I would be begging him to drive us both over there to meet these complete strangers and ride with them.
Both situations are similar. I want to go, I can't go. I tell myself it isn't my last chance ever to see either Brian, Stephen or Jon, that they aren't any of them near retirement. I won't always be a starving college student. But that just brings up other things that make me worry.
I'm not sure I'm doing the right thing. I'm so far behind academically. I'll probably be here three years, which isn't that bad, really. But I feel directionless. I love science, but when I get discouraged and confused in my chemistry class I just kind of want to give up. And giving up is like death. I'd have to get a real job, I'd have to move out and be stuck in podunk Iowa. And then I'll be stuck getting married or something.
So it is much easier to get upset about how Arianna Huffington is providing buses from NYC to Washington but I can't figure out how to get from Ames.
I'm actually not as close to despair as I sound, I promise. Because then when things click, when I balance an equation with the slightest of ease, I am back on top of the world. Once I get out of the teaching prep courses I'm in I'll be so much happier. And I'll talk to my advisor and face the music, that I'm a science major Junior with no math and little science.
Fun.
I'd also be a lot better if I ate better. I've been having crazy dreams. One, I put on a ton of weight (3 or 4 times my current weight in a couple of weeks time) and my mom was yelling at me. The other night (I'm a fangirl even in my sleep) Stephen Colbert had blimped massively. (Maybe even Jon had, but I could just be confusing that with the day I spent watching old episodes of the Daily Show and going oh my god, he's put on weight!) Then this past weekend I was back home, and I was eating everything in the kitchen, even though I wasn't hungry at all. And I was trying to keep it from my mom. She's been angry with me in both of them.
So I think I may be a little stressed... but then again, it is midterms, and I'm not doing spectacularly in my classes. Which is pretty much my own fault. But now I'm taking a much more proactive stance on things, and I'm aware that I'm cutting myself off from the people around me. So time spent out of this apartment is just as good as time spent in.
And if all else fails, there's always computer labs that are open until late at night, where I can watch hours of mindless tv. Even though doing that during the day is so disorienting. Like after said Old!Daily Show marathon.
In related news... Elisse has a copy of Death to Smoochy and says we must watch it this weekend. I told her I have never seen it but I've never heard of anyone who has seen it and given it a good review. I thought she was going to backhand me in the mouth. Apparently it is one of her favorites. I guess there is no accounting for taste. But I want to see it because... because, to be completely frank, when I obsess about something, I obsess hard. It isn't pretty.
But Justin said he'd make out with Stewart. So I'm not the only one.
Even though being preoccupied with fake news broadcasters is officially about a thousand times more awkward than teenage wizards, hobbits, timelords, digimon, pokemon trainers, or band members. Just saying.
Still...
So. Fucking. Close. Like, within a mile close. *Weeps angry tears*