Sauced.
Sure, it is eleven o clock at night, but I kind of really want to post the beginning of this crossover I was talking about yesterday. So what to do, what to do? *thinks*
Ah, what's sleep loss amongst friends? It's not like I have anything important tomorrow, I'll just make Chelsea prod me if I fall asleep while driving. And yes, I'll get back to beta'ing soon, I promise, all both of you I have left hanging. I'll get it done.
Okay, I have no idea why this would happen or even where- maybe at a certain restaurant named Milliways?
&&&
Arthur squinted in confusion at the two men before him. A short unkempt man with dreads squinted back over the rim of his beer glass while the other, a tidy boring-looking man at his shoulder sniffed arrogantly.
"He's out of uniform," he said dismissively, glancing at his companion. "You two should get along nicely."
Arthur looked himself over, perplexed. "Why would someone in their jim-jams get along with someone in leather?" he wondered aloud.
"Hey, Rimmer, wots he sayin'?" the Biker asked in a thick northern accent.
Rimmer curled his lip. "I believe he is saying that you are disgusting, Listy."
Arthur, feeling bad, tried to get on the man's good side; he looked dangerous. "No, I'm not saying that, Listy, I'm just-"
"It's Lister."
His voice faltered. "Pah-pardon?"
"My name, it's Lister, not Listy. " He shrugged a shoulder toward Rimmer. "Only this smeghead can get away with calling me Listy. And that's only because I can't take a swing at him."
Arthur wished the conversation had ended at 'Hey.' "...Because he is against violence?" he asked tentatively.
"No," Lister corrected after a long draft from his beer. "Because he isn't there." Arthur's head shook slightly. Rimmer half raised his glass back to his face, paused at the expression on the man's face. "Because he isn't real?"
"I'm most assuredly real!" his companion yelled.
In response Rimmer drained his glass and chucked it at the head of his incredulous bunkmate. Arthur yelped, scenes of court testimonies filling his mind as the heavy bar glass sailed through the man's face and knocked a hole in the wall behind him. "Why did you do that?" he finally asked, mystified.
Lister half shrugged as he ordered another drink. "I couldn't waste any beer."
"I believe what the man meant was not why you waited to throw it but why you threw it in the first place," Rimmer asked snidely.
"Oy, lay off, Rimmer, it was just for fun," he said before belching loudly. "How else was I supposed to explain to him that you are a hologram?"
At that moment Arthur pointed at Rimmer's forehead. "Oh, is that what that giant H means? I thought your first name was Harold or something."
Rimmer looked at him morosely. "Lister, if you need me I'm going to be in Starbug giving Kryton orders to destroy all of your porn."
"Ah, Arnold, don't be that way," Lister wheedled, but to no avail; Rimmer spun on the heel of his boot and walked away, self-righteousness dripping from him.
Arthur was thoroughly unsure what just happened, but was sure that he really needed a drink. He sat down beside the glum miner, saying to the barkeep "I'll have whatever it is he is drinking."
They sat in silence for a while before Lister stretched and scratched at his mop of hair. "The name's Dave. Dave Lister."
Arthur wasn't sure what this meant or if he should extend his hand for a handshake. He leaned forward before a look from Lister made him turn and pretend he was reaching for a napkin. "I'm Arthur Dent." He looked around at the strange assembly around them. "I'm from this little place called Earth."
Rimmer spewed his drink all over the top of the bar. he spun on his chair, showing the most energy he had in hours. "What? From Earth?! You are smegging kidding me!"
Arthur frowned, confused. "N-no..."
Dave grabbed his hat, excited. "That's amazing, it's impossible- do you know how long it has been since I've been there?!"
"Uhm... a couple years?"
He held up his hand. "Three MILLION years, if you could believe it." He leaned forward. "I signed up to join a mining ship when I was wasted one night, woke up out by Saturn. Been trying to get home ever since then."
Arthur wondered vaguely how many beers this fellow had had before he joined him. "A mining ship? From Earth?"
"Yeah! Red Dwarf, had a contract but I got out of it- brought a cat onboard with me. Put in suspended animation for three months. Problem is, nuclear reactor went nuts, Holly wouldn't let me out until it wasn't radioactive anymore. So my three months became three million years." He slapped the bartop and ordered another round of drinks. "But I was afraid I would never meet another human being! I thought I was the last! But now with you here, there is hope of getting home! This is smegging- wot? What's that look for?"
Arthur appeared very pale and suddenly interested in his slippers. "You might want that drink before I tell you." He waited until they both had overflowing beer glasses before launching into the story of Vogons and intergalactic freeways. "And so you see, I am the last Human alive. Well, other than Trillian..." his voice trailed off into deep longing.
Lister, dealing with his grief, noticed. "Kochanski. We've all got the girl who got away." He tapped his mug against his newfound friend's. "To the last Humans."
Arthur gave him a half grin and lifted his glass. "To the last men."
Ford Perfect wandered into the bar several hours later to find Arthur nearly passed out in a corner booth. A smelly human sat beside him in a similiar state, but he was about to have a terrible start; a strange humanoid with sharp teeth was examining it's hair in a hand mirror while sitting on his chest. Noticing him, it hissed. "Heeey, do you know what Food-guy did? I can't get him to wake up, all he keeps saying is something about Fiji and Vogon poetry. I want him to let me back on Starbug, my best jacket is inside!"
Ford furrowed his brow in disbelief. "Uhm... no, I don't."
The strange person looked at him for a moment, then shrugged. "Do you have any fish?"
He looked Cat, concerned about how to get away. Arthur then stirred to life finally. "'Meg, my head hurts..." he looked up myopically at his friend. "Fooord! How great it is to see you! This is my friend Dave. He's from Earth!"
Ford grabbed him by the armpit, dragging him to his feet. "Uh huh, that's nice. Listen, we've got to go."
"You never answered my question!" the Cat yelled at their retreating back. "Do you have any fis-" a random scent came to him. "Why, hello... do I smell some ladies? OOOOW!" He slinked off, leaving Dave in his drunk stupor.
Ah, what's sleep loss amongst friends? It's not like I have anything important tomorrow, I'll just make Chelsea prod me if I fall asleep while driving. And yes, I'll get back to beta'ing soon, I promise, all both of you I have left hanging. I'll get it done.
Okay, I have no idea why this would happen or even where- maybe at a certain restaurant named Milliways?
&&&
Arthur squinted in confusion at the two men before him. A short unkempt man with dreads squinted back over the rim of his beer glass while the other, a tidy boring-looking man at his shoulder sniffed arrogantly.
"He's out of uniform," he said dismissively, glancing at his companion. "You two should get along nicely."
Arthur looked himself over, perplexed. "Why would someone in their jim-jams get along with someone in leather?" he wondered aloud.
"Hey, Rimmer, wots he sayin'?" the Biker asked in a thick northern accent.
Rimmer curled his lip. "I believe he is saying that you are disgusting, Listy."
Arthur, feeling bad, tried to get on the man's good side; he looked dangerous. "No, I'm not saying that, Listy, I'm just-"
"It's Lister."
His voice faltered. "Pah-pardon?"
"My name, it's Lister, not Listy. " He shrugged a shoulder toward Rimmer. "Only this smeghead can get away with calling me Listy. And that's only because I can't take a swing at him."
Arthur wished the conversation had ended at 'Hey.' "...Because he is against violence?" he asked tentatively.
"No," Lister corrected after a long draft from his beer. "Because he isn't there." Arthur's head shook slightly. Rimmer half raised his glass back to his face, paused at the expression on the man's face. "Because he isn't real?"
"I'm most assuredly real!" his companion yelled.
In response Rimmer drained his glass and chucked it at the head of his incredulous bunkmate. Arthur yelped, scenes of court testimonies filling his mind as the heavy bar glass sailed through the man's face and knocked a hole in the wall behind him. "Why did you do that?" he finally asked, mystified.
Lister half shrugged as he ordered another drink. "I couldn't waste any beer."
"I believe what the man meant was not why you waited to throw it but why you threw it in the first place," Rimmer asked snidely.
"Oy, lay off, Rimmer, it was just for fun," he said before belching loudly. "How else was I supposed to explain to him that you are a hologram?"
At that moment Arthur pointed at Rimmer's forehead. "Oh, is that what that giant H means? I thought your first name was Harold or something."
Rimmer looked at him morosely. "Lister, if you need me I'm going to be in Starbug giving Kryton orders to destroy all of your porn."
"Ah, Arnold, don't be that way," Lister wheedled, but to no avail; Rimmer spun on the heel of his boot and walked away, self-righteousness dripping from him.
Arthur was thoroughly unsure what just happened, but was sure that he really needed a drink. He sat down beside the glum miner, saying to the barkeep "I'll have whatever it is he is drinking."
They sat in silence for a while before Lister stretched and scratched at his mop of hair. "The name's Dave. Dave Lister."
Arthur wasn't sure what this meant or if he should extend his hand for a handshake. He leaned forward before a look from Lister made him turn and pretend he was reaching for a napkin. "I'm Arthur Dent." He looked around at the strange assembly around them. "I'm from this little place called Earth."
Rimmer spewed his drink all over the top of the bar. he spun on his chair, showing the most energy he had in hours. "What? From Earth?! You are smegging kidding me!"
Arthur frowned, confused. "N-no..."
Dave grabbed his hat, excited. "That's amazing, it's impossible- do you know how long it has been since I've been there?!"
"Uhm... a couple years?"
He held up his hand. "Three MILLION years, if you could believe it." He leaned forward. "I signed up to join a mining ship when I was wasted one night, woke up out by Saturn. Been trying to get home ever since then."
Arthur wondered vaguely how many beers this fellow had had before he joined him. "A mining ship? From Earth?"
"Yeah! Red Dwarf, had a contract but I got out of it- brought a cat onboard with me. Put in suspended animation for three months. Problem is, nuclear reactor went nuts, Holly wouldn't let me out until it wasn't radioactive anymore. So my three months became three million years." He slapped the bartop and ordered another round of drinks. "But I was afraid I would never meet another human being! I thought I was the last! But now with you here, there is hope of getting home! This is smegging- wot? What's that look for?"
Arthur appeared very pale and suddenly interested in his slippers. "You might want that drink before I tell you." He waited until they both had overflowing beer glasses before launching into the story of Vogons and intergalactic freeways. "And so you see, I am the last Human alive. Well, other than Trillian..." his voice trailed off into deep longing.
Lister, dealing with his grief, noticed. "Kochanski. We've all got the girl who got away." He tapped his mug against his newfound friend's. "To the last Humans."
Arthur gave him a half grin and lifted his glass. "To the last men."
Ford Perfect wandered into the bar several hours later to find Arthur nearly passed out in a corner booth. A smelly human sat beside him in a similiar state, but he was about to have a terrible start; a strange humanoid with sharp teeth was examining it's hair in a hand mirror while sitting on his chest. Noticing him, it hissed. "Heeey, do you know what Food-guy did? I can't get him to wake up, all he keeps saying is something about Fiji and Vogon poetry. I want him to let me back on Starbug, my best jacket is inside!"
Ford furrowed his brow in disbelief. "Uhm... no, I don't."
The strange person looked at him for a moment, then shrugged. "Do you have any fish?"
He looked Cat, concerned about how to get away. Arthur then stirred to life finally. "'Meg, my head hurts..." he looked up myopically at his friend. "Fooord! How great it is to see you! This is my friend Dave. He's from Earth!"
Ford grabbed him by the armpit, dragging him to his feet. "Uh huh, that's nice. Listen, we've got to go."
"You never answered my question!" the Cat yelled at their retreating back. "Do you have any fis-" a random scent came to him. "Why, hello... do I smell some ladies? OOOOW!" He slinked off, leaving Dave in his drunk stupor.