(no subject)
I consistently and without fail want exactly what I can't have and take for granted the things I do have.
While I realize this is pretty much true of everyone I don't think many other people (who I have met at least) pursue this idea to the ends of self-destruction that I do.
The following has been true of my love life since I turned 15:
When I am in a relationship the only thing I want is out of that relationship and when I am out of a relationship the only thing I want is back in.
I've had two relationships since returning to college this semester and who knows how many random fucks. And they all leave me vaguely annoyed. Cause after having sex, no matter who is in the bed besides me, I find myself thinking the exact same thing every time, "Will you please just go home?" And I have pretty much consistently thought that for the past four years and I have with two exceptions cheated at least twice on every boyfriend I've had since 15.
It's all very confusing. I recognize that my ideal of love is unattainable and therefore I will probably be dissatisfied with everyone for the rest of my life. I'm okay with this. Or maybe I just pretend to be. I can't read myself anymore. But I'm fine. I'm alive and all that shit.
I think I just need something new. As is often the case with me. I love new things because I get bored very very quickly.
Oh well. Everyone should listen to Boxer by the National. Because it's phenomenal.
While I realize this is pretty much true of everyone I don't think many other people (who I have met at least) pursue this idea to the ends of self-destruction that I do.
The following has been true of my love life since I turned 15:
When I am in a relationship the only thing I want is out of that relationship and when I am out of a relationship the only thing I want is back in.
I've had two relationships since returning to college this semester and who knows how many random fucks. And they all leave me vaguely annoyed. Cause after having sex, no matter who is in the bed besides me, I find myself thinking the exact same thing every time, "Will you please just go home?" And I have pretty much consistently thought that for the past four years and I have with two exceptions cheated at least twice on every boyfriend I've had since 15.
It's all very confusing. I recognize that my ideal of love is unattainable and therefore I will probably be dissatisfied with everyone for the rest of my life. I'm okay with this. Or maybe I just pretend to be. I can't read myself anymore. But I'm fine. I'm alive and all that shit.
I think I just need something new. As is often the case with me. I love new things because I get bored very very quickly.
Oh well. Everyone should listen to Boxer by the National. Because it's phenomenal.