this is it. my final bellyache...
a dark cloud that has been hovering over me for the past few years is suddenly becoming a huge storm... i think this is it. the final moment where i must cut the wire... close the door on a certain chapter of my life.
ive been dancing at the duluth school of ballet for 13 years. 13 years of my life have been dedicated to that place, those people, that part of my life. with all the pain, and depression, and misery, and laughter, and love, and hate, and anguish, and disappointment, and thrill. its been an amazing ride, really... but i just dont think i can handle it.
its my senior year of highschool. this is my last year to live it up... to be with my friends, to grow, to get my grades up there, to get a job and make money and be happy and enjoy myself. leaving dance would be a huge weight off of my shoulders... but then it will put a huge weight in my heart. and i dont even know if i can handle knowing i left. i think its a lose/lose situation. i stay, i hate it and become depressed and angry. i leave, i become depressed and angry and hate that i left.
this years performance is a fun one... the 12 dancing princesses. i wouldnt have a solo role cause there are 12 princesses of course, but it is one of the shows i have always wanted to do. i hate classes... but i love saturday morning class with mr peter... and i love when we have performances... the rush is incredible i cant even describe it.
i am so torn about this. my heart is really divided in half about it. i have no idea what i ultimatly want. will quitting just be a quick fix? how will it affect me in the long term? this topic runs so deep...
it just doesnt make me happy anymore. i hate looking at myself in the mirror, i hate comparing my body. but when te music starts, and i start, its really a great feeling. i feel powerful and invincible and just wonderful. but its not enough. its not enough for me. im already slacking off... hardly going to classes... not being enthusiastic about stuff. i dunno. im scared im going to regret whatever decision i make. actually, i know i am going to regret whatever decision i make. i just dunno what to do...
ive been dancing at the duluth school of ballet for 13 years. 13 years of my life have been dedicated to that place, those people, that part of my life. with all the pain, and depression, and misery, and laughter, and love, and hate, and anguish, and disappointment, and thrill. its been an amazing ride, really... but i just dont think i can handle it.
its my senior year of highschool. this is my last year to live it up... to be with my friends, to grow, to get my grades up there, to get a job and make money and be happy and enjoy myself. leaving dance would be a huge weight off of my shoulders... but then it will put a huge weight in my heart. and i dont even know if i can handle knowing i left. i think its a lose/lose situation. i stay, i hate it and become depressed and angry. i leave, i become depressed and angry and hate that i left.
this years performance is a fun one... the 12 dancing princesses. i wouldnt have a solo role cause there are 12 princesses of course, but it is one of the shows i have always wanted to do. i hate classes... but i love saturday morning class with mr peter... and i love when we have performances... the rush is incredible i cant even describe it.
i am so torn about this. my heart is really divided in half about it. i have no idea what i ultimatly want. will quitting just be a quick fix? how will it affect me in the long term? this topic runs so deep...
it just doesnt make me happy anymore. i hate looking at myself in the mirror, i hate comparing my body. but when te music starts, and i start, its really a great feeling. i feel powerful and invincible and just wonderful. but its not enough. its not enough for me. im already slacking off... hardly going to classes... not being enthusiastic about stuff. i dunno. im scared im going to regret whatever decision i make. actually, i know i am going to regret whatever decision i make. i just dunno what to do...