stave lake at night and some extents are lake louise at night
i had an epiohone just now while i was doin laundry and i had to come and write this while its fresh in my head.
my life as it is right now, just my life, no reflection of the lives of others, it feels like were all at stave lake at night, and were all standin there and while everyone has light and i dont. while stanging there, everyone starts walking away with their light, leavin me there in the dark, and lost. there is no darkness like stave darkness, just lake louise.
this is where pure instinct takes over. this is where i survive and not live. in survival mode, i only find and aquire what i need. and up to this point of time in my life i have only just found and aquired what i needed. i havent lived.
theres a big difference about what you want and what you need.
i need food and shelter
i want to live. i want to feel alive, i want fulfullment, i want to fill my life with somethin that gives my life meaning.
currently my life feels like a series of repetative events that just lead to the next day, next week, next month and year.
i have locked everything aobut me away. i dont let many ppl in because for some reason i feel like i might get hurt somewow. my small little sphere of life is ok right now, and im ok with that, its stable and im ok with that. but im at the point whre i want to make my world a little bigger, and start opening up to more things.
i respect the fact that other ppl aer well off and stuff, and i have always been there for them when they needed clarity in their life. ive helped others finding their anwsers, and i havent left time for me ask my own questions.
im in a different world, no matter where i go. it stems from family. i feel like an outsider nearly everywhere. i feel like an outsider whithin my own famikly. i feel like an outsider in my own community. im half islander half mainlander. when im over the island, im seen as a mainlander, and when im here, im seen as an islander. and when im everywhere is in the world, i feel like im seen as a visible minority. i have a hightened sense of awareness, and i can sense ppl who are uneasy around me, even though im the nicest guy in the world. ive seen ppl cross the street to avoid me, ive seen women clutch their purse as though id do somethin to them. ive heard ppl talk about me like im some evildoer.
i want to feel safe. i want to feel wanted. i want to feel complete. i want to feel what everyone else feels.
dont get me wrong, im happy, its just i dont feel whole. a part of my heart is empty.
hopefully opening up like this helps me in finding the questions that will lead to what i want.
my life as it is right now, just my life, no reflection of the lives of others, it feels like were all at stave lake at night, and were all standin there and while everyone has light and i dont. while stanging there, everyone starts walking away with their light, leavin me there in the dark, and lost. there is no darkness like stave darkness, just lake louise.
this is where pure instinct takes over. this is where i survive and not live. in survival mode, i only find and aquire what i need. and up to this point of time in my life i have only just found and aquired what i needed. i havent lived.
theres a big difference about what you want and what you need.
i need food and shelter
i want to live. i want to feel alive, i want fulfullment, i want to fill my life with somethin that gives my life meaning.
currently my life feels like a series of repetative events that just lead to the next day, next week, next month and year.
i have locked everything aobut me away. i dont let many ppl in because for some reason i feel like i might get hurt somewow. my small little sphere of life is ok right now, and im ok with that, its stable and im ok with that. but im at the point whre i want to make my world a little bigger, and start opening up to more things.
i respect the fact that other ppl aer well off and stuff, and i have always been there for them when they needed clarity in their life. ive helped others finding their anwsers, and i havent left time for me ask my own questions.
im in a different world, no matter where i go. it stems from family. i feel like an outsider nearly everywhere. i feel like an outsider whithin my own famikly. i feel like an outsider in my own community. im half islander half mainlander. when im over the island, im seen as a mainlander, and when im here, im seen as an islander. and when im everywhere is in the world, i feel like im seen as a visible minority. i have a hightened sense of awareness, and i can sense ppl who are uneasy around me, even though im the nicest guy in the world. ive seen ppl cross the street to avoid me, ive seen women clutch their purse as though id do somethin to them. ive heard ppl talk about me like im some evildoer.
i want to feel safe. i want to feel wanted. i want to feel complete. i want to feel what everyone else feels.
dont get me wrong, im happy, its just i dont feel whole. a part of my heart is empty.
hopefully opening up like this helps me in finding the questions that will lead to what i want.