Twirl
I don't know why I work so hard. I'm just kind of tired and blurred--brought back to something I can't explain to myself.
Why do I work so hard--or at least, consciously think about,--maintaining a nice body? It's like, I oughta know that it's not like anyone sees it--or does anything about the fact that it exists. I buy nice clothes, take care of myself--and all for what? So I can be someone's eye candy for five seconds?
Why do I do I put so much pressure on myself to be so educated and intelligent? Who really cares if I'm not a moron? Who really cares that I've pushed myself probably 10 times harder than most people in college?
I'm an anomaly. I do the "right thing" because I know somewhere it's best. But I'm still frickin' lonely. Like--what the hell? Why am I so alone?
Not that being lonely is about guys, but I always get the feeling with them that they think about being with me, but don't want to deal with me. I'm not the kind of girl who's going to roll over whenever they want something. I'm not the kind of girl who changes her last name when she gets married. I have a very distinct sense of self. And though I'm also definitely willing to share that, I'm not willing to compromise it.
I'm so tired. I can't think straight.
I'm going to walk in lines and forget that I'm so problematic to myself he cares but I can't understand something so why do I come home and not remember how to forget it's not like I'm doing this to myself or am I he knows somewhere there is possession you can't talk about under the surface it's always under the goddamn surface you can say it but you can't feel it or you won't know how to find your head yes I know all I want to say is yes and stop feeling so big in red fresh breath and cold water in blue bottles makes sense to miss seeing you are ahead of me with mental thoughts I don't think about drowning everyday just blurting out how I feel on my face when I smile at you it changes and I forget how to help my head behave I wish that kid was still in poetry and he could say something that might make me not want to kill for writing I saw you today and I liked it I want to say thank you but all I do is come home and think about hands eyebrows how I couldn't stop looking your ears are small like mine and there are differences like strawberry ice cream and chocolate I really don't need help after this know what's right and do it I'll try on some more shoes and pretend I can take you for more than a spin in my quality thank you I want to say yes thank you good night my darling ceramic time can do so much
Why do I work so hard--or at least, consciously think about,--maintaining a nice body? It's like, I oughta know that it's not like anyone sees it--or does anything about the fact that it exists. I buy nice clothes, take care of myself--and all for what? So I can be someone's eye candy for five seconds?
Why do I do I put so much pressure on myself to be so educated and intelligent? Who really cares if I'm not a moron? Who really cares that I've pushed myself probably 10 times harder than most people in college?
I'm an anomaly. I do the "right thing" because I know somewhere it's best. But I'm still frickin' lonely. Like--what the hell? Why am I so alone?
Not that being lonely is about guys, but I always get the feeling with them that they think about being with me, but don't want to deal with me. I'm not the kind of girl who's going to roll over whenever they want something. I'm not the kind of girl who changes her last name when she gets married. I have a very distinct sense of self. And though I'm also definitely willing to share that, I'm not willing to compromise it.
I'm so tired. I can't think straight.
I'm going to walk in lines and forget that I'm so problematic to myself he cares but I can't understand something so why do I come home and not remember how to forget it's not like I'm doing this to myself or am I he knows somewhere there is possession you can't talk about under the surface it's always under the goddamn surface you can say it but you can't feel it or you won't know how to find your head yes I know all I want to say is yes and stop feeling so big in red fresh breath and cold water in blue bottles makes sense to miss seeing you are ahead of me with mental thoughts I don't think about drowning everyday just blurting out how I feel on my face when I smile at you it changes and I forget how to help my head behave I wish that kid was still in poetry and he could say something that might make me not want to kill for writing I saw you today and I liked it I want to say thank you but all I do is come home and think about hands eyebrows how I couldn't stop looking your ears are small like mine and there are differences like strawberry ice cream and chocolate I really don't need help after this know what's right and do it I'll try on some more shoes and pretend I can take you for more than a spin in my quality thank you I want to say yes thank you good night my darling ceramic time can do so much