To Please the Monster Inside [Carlisle/Jasper][ChapterTen]
Title: To Please the Monster Inside [ChapterTen]
Pairing: Carlisle/Jasper
Rating: M
Disclaimer: Fiction
Summary: The monster inside Jasper lusts for human blood. When the desire is too strong to resist, there is only one who can help. Carlisle tamed this monster once, and now he must try again.
He couldn't bear to be near her. Despite his desire to comfort her, Jasper couldn't endure the deep feelings of hurt that surrounded his mate's body. And so he stayed away, keeping a secure distance at all times.
He never stayed with her at night. And he never went into their room.
Most nights, Jasper found himself curled up in Carlisle's office, lying on his back on the large couch, praying for sleep that would never come.
Tonight was not much different. But instead of praying for sleep, Jasper sat with his legs crossed, reading The Divine Comedy with a speed to match Carlisle.
The doctor had been right. It was exquisite.
It was also terrifying.
Jasper had spent more than the appropriate amount of time considering the possibility of Hell.
And Heaven. Not that he believed he would ever get there.
He wondered if horrors such as those faced by Dante and Virgil awaited him, too.
Baptised with fire. Torn apart by dogs. Tortured, raped, and starved. Left for the cannibals.
Any form of suffering that could ever possibly be endured.
Punishment for the sinners.
Jasper shivered.
He began to make a list in his head, of all the sins he'd ever commited.
In all, the list wasn't very long. Naturally, killing human beings and drinking their blood was number one. And at times, Jasper knew his consumption of human blood had bordered on gluttonous.
He considered blasphemy, of which he was obviously guilty.
And lust.
Wrath.
He laughed to himself as he added a final sin to the list. He wasn't sure what to call it as of yet - considering it was only a fantasy. But, if he ever did act upon it, then he supposed he could add adultery and sodomy to the list as well.
"What are you laughing about?" Carlisle's serene voice startled Jasper out of his thoughts, causing him to drop the old book to the floor.
"Nothing." Jasper leaned down to retrieve the book, but the doctor beat him to it.
"Oh, you're reading it." Carlisle's face brightened as he smoothed a hand over the cover. "What do you think?"
He passed the book back to his son, moving to sit beside him on the couch.
"Its beautiful. But it scares me."
Carlisle nodded as if he understood. "Such punishment was not meant for the likes of you, Jasper."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that God would not allow a good soul, with pure intentions, to be subjected to such horror."
Jasper stared into Carlisle's marble face. "You are joking, right? You're mocking me?"
The doctor looked offended. "Why would I ever do such a thing? You know that faith is no joke to me."
"How could anyone ever consider my soul pure? If I even have a soul."
"You have a soul, Jasper."
"How do you know that?"
"I see it in your eyes."
Jasper was silent.
"You are not evil. You do not deserve to be punished." Carlisle's voice was soft as a feather, low and full of sadness, full of honesty.
Jasper moved closer, placing a cold hand on the doctor's chest, right over his dormant heart. "Do you know how many good, innocent people I have killed? Mothers and fathers, son and daughters and babies. So many that I cannot count. If that is not evil, tell me what is."
Carlisle sighed and ran a hand through Jasper's golden locks. "I do not know." He whispered, but his voice was firm. "I'm not sure if I have ever known real evil. But I am sure that it is not you. I could not love you, if you were evil."
Jasper pulled his hand away, his gaze dropped to his lap. "Then maybe you shouldn't love me."
As soon as the words left his mouth, he felt the frustration roll off of Carlisle's body. "Listen to me, Jasper. I do love you. I love you. I love you as much as it is possible for one creature to love another. You are precious to me."
Jasper knew this was true. He felt Carlisle's love surround him every day.
The doctor's hand travelled from his son's hair, down the back of his neck, to rest on his shoulder. Jasper's body reacted to the gentle touch immediately. His eyes closed as leaned forward, fitting his body against Carlisle's side. The doctor didn't move to push him away, and Jasper could feel no change in his emotions, so he let his head fall onto Carlisle's shoulder.
"Are you alright?" The doctor muttered, slipping his arm around Jasper's back to pull him closer.
"I don't think so."
"You can talk to me."
"I know."
Jasper brought his knees up to his chest, snuggling into the doctor's cold, rock hard body. He let one hand rest on the older vampire's thigh, digging his fingers in a little when he realised Carlisle didn't seem to mind.
"I love you, too. You know that, right? I love you as much as you say you love me. I love you... love you as I love Alice." Jasper held his breath as those last words left his mouth.
"Don't say that, Jasper."
"Why? Does it bother you?"
"Only becuase I know its true."