been a while...
so.. since my last update
-the stros lost
-we started lifting at 6:45am M&W
-I had a complete meltdown infront of my suitemates and friends
-Hoffy and I discussed our 'relationship'
-my suitemates and I rearranged our commonroom that is now dubbed "the stadium"
-I went my meet time in the 50 free at time trials... in a loose suit... with a shit flipturn..
I was so sad that the 'stros lost. My dad sent me up a "we believe!" towel that he got from one of the home nlcs games and I was so excited to have it... and they lost... sadness. I am proud of boston but now it's just... annoying. It's like, alright, I support you, but now you're getting to be just as bad as the damn yankees, so stop, please.
oh, due to the baseball championships, my suitemates and I rearranged our common room so that we now have stadium seating. Our big blue comfy couch is propped up on our coffee table with the room couch in front of it. It rocks. Decorating is still in the works and we have pendants with our names and numbers on them and a chalkboard for scorekeeping.
This all occurred the week after my meltdown. I was a happy drunk who got too drunk and became upset because Meliss was upset and I just started slamming doors, I broke my phone - twice - buuutt ever since then I've been great. My mom thinks I might've taken my last step in letting go of John that night because I thought about him and suicide and because I was just angry. That was the general theme once I got back from the club, I was angry. My mom thinks that I've had this in me since his death but I've been so sidetracked by being sad and guilty that it never had a chance to surface. Eh. I'm seeing a counselor and she's cool. We'll talk about it. I felt bad that my good friends had to witness my breakdown but it needed to happen, obviously.
Hoffy and I talked a few nights afterwards and I had talked to my mom earlier about him and everything and she said I shouldn't get close cuz it will backfire, which I know because I have a hard time with trust and getting close to guys cuz I have been hurt so bad in the past. Anyways, I'vee been pretty open to hoffy and he's taken everything well and he told me that how I act when I'm emotional won't and will never affect what he thinks of me. He admitted that he felt clingy and told me that I was no where near being clingy. He said he likes what we have and I agreed and so right now we are still friends.. sorta friends with benefits. It's just that he understands me and can handle me and won't let me hurt myself or be down on myself. He's awesome.
Yeah yeah, so, lots of typing.
swimming is going well, I feel good and our first meet is this saturday. Halloween should be crazy and Hoffy's 20th is the 1st. I wanna do somethin for him but I dunno if I can cuz of tests that day and me being poor.
this is jumbled cuz I have to git to practice. Just wanted to update for those who still read and who might be wondering what my crazy self is up to.
more will come when i get up off my lazy ass and get to the comp lab. later kids.
-the stros lost
-we started lifting at 6:45am M&W
-I had a complete meltdown infront of my suitemates and friends
-Hoffy and I discussed our 'relationship'
-my suitemates and I rearranged our commonroom that is now dubbed "the stadium"
-I went my meet time in the 50 free at time trials... in a loose suit... with a shit flipturn..
I was so sad that the 'stros lost. My dad sent me up a "we believe!" towel that he got from one of the home nlcs games and I was so excited to have it... and they lost... sadness. I am proud of boston but now it's just... annoying. It's like, alright, I support you, but now you're getting to be just as bad as the damn yankees, so stop, please.
oh, due to the baseball championships, my suitemates and I rearranged our common room so that we now have stadium seating. Our big blue comfy couch is propped up on our coffee table with the room couch in front of it. It rocks. Decorating is still in the works and we have pendants with our names and numbers on them and a chalkboard for scorekeeping.
This all occurred the week after my meltdown. I was a happy drunk who got too drunk and became upset because Meliss was upset and I just started slamming doors, I broke my phone - twice - buuutt ever since then I've been great. My mom thinks I might've taken my last step in letting go of John that night because I thought about him and suicide and because I was just angry. That was the general theme once I got back from the club, I was angry. My mom thinks that I've had this in me since his death but I've been so sidetracked by being sad and guilty that it never had a chance to surface. Eh. I'm seeing a counselor and she's cool. We'll talk about it. I felt bad that my good friends had to witness my breakdown but it needed to happen, obviously.
Hoffy and I talked a few nights afterwards and I had talked to my mom earlier about him and everything and she said I shouldn't get close cuz it will backfire, which I know because I have a hard time with trust and getting close to guys cuz I have been hurt so bad in the past. Anyways, I'vee been pretty open to hoffy and he's taken everything well and he told me that how I act when I'm emotional won't and will never affect what he thinks of me. He admitted that he felt clingy and told me that I was no where near being clingy. He said he likes what we have and I agreed and so right now we are still friends.. sorta friends with benefits. It's just that he understands me and can handle me and won't let me hurt myself or be down on myself. He's awesome.
Yeah yeah, so, lots of typing.
swimming is going well, I feel good and our first meet is this saturday. Halloween should be crazy and Hoffy's 20th is the 1st. I wanna do somethin for him but I dunno if I can cuz of tests that day and me being poor.
this is jumbled cuz I have to git to practice. Just wanted to update for those who still read and who might be wondering what my crazy self is up to.
more will come when i get up off my lazy ass and get to the comp lab. later kids.