Just an entry no one will read or care for......
I found myself watching Reality Bites today. An important woman showed me this movie back in 2003 and I catch myself watching it every 3-4 months. I catch myself crying everytime I watch it because happy endings do not exist in real life but in this fictional movie it looks so real as if it could happen. It's the only movie that makes me laugh and then cry at the end. Troy Dyer's pain burns inside the depths of my heart. I had to leave my house and just go drive around listening to Morrissey so I could just cry loud and in private. Plus U2's all I want is you, the band sucks but that song always makes me think of someone and the pain of never seeing that person ever plus it's the part of the movie I cry my eyes out like a basic bitch. I'm blessed to have my parents and friends for support but sometimes I feel like death would just be better than living this boring void less life. No one would have to worry if I'm happy anymore or worrying about me having kids or finding love. Love is dead and I've accepted no one will fill this empty useless heart. I'm just going to lock myself in my room and play guitar and listen to Morrissey, yeah I know, what a wonderful itenerary for a Friday night right. The only time I feel a connection or happiness is in sappy movies like Reality Bites or Urban Cowboy because of the main characters falling in love and then out of it and at the end fighting for it because they understand that the only connection is with each other and with no one else. Out of nostalgia I drove by Uncle Bob's house from Urban Cowboy in deer park yesterday. I honestly can not wait for the new Gilley's to open, it's probably the only happiness I'll have is sitting in there dressed like a cowboy and pretend to be Bud since myself as a character is boring and unloveable bit who knows if it will truly open and if I'll have the strength and happiness to even go since lately I've just been gaining weight in depression and sadness instead of the opposite. Until next time live journal, thanks for being the imaginary friend/therapist I can rant and open my feelings to.