Closure.
I got really depressed thinking about you today. It's going to be sad when your child asks you one day, mommy how did you and dad meet and fall in love? (It will happen trust me, I remember asking my mom at the age of 6 when a girl I had a crush on left me in the school playground to sit with another boy) Are you going to tell your child a year ago before you were born I thought your daddy was creepy and just used him for drinks when mommy was depressed while she was dating a another guy from her job. Then a year later I dated your daddy and 2 months into our relationship I was expecting you. It just doesn't seem like the right chapter in your book of life, just seems too rushed and Maury Povich white trashy. Our story would have been better, we could have told our kids how we first met and how super super shy I was to talk to you and how much of a crush I had on you in college and how nervous you made me to even go to my botany class, like hands shaking right before I walked in. I just pictured us together with a second home in like Germany or Slovakia so our kids could experience culture and realize America is not the world or life does not consist of happy meals and walmarts. Everyone thinks its crazy how you are pregnant and find it shocking like its way too fast and early. I just fear you are going to be another U.S. divorce statistic since 50% of marriages end in divorce since you barely even know him. Another sad thing is you will DIE alone, he's 10 years older than you and I don't want to picture old Carly alone bc her husband died to age difference and you ending up with 10 cats or checking the mailbox everyday like grandma death. I just truly hope you are happy I just saw a better book of a love story between us. I would have told our kids everything that went bad as well and explain to them love makes you do good things and bad things. You need to learn from all the good and bad things and that you should always fight for your feelings and love. You will do things you regret and feel ashamed of when you are in love because love isn't simple like some stupid movie. I guess I just love you too much and even though I have no idea what's going on in your life I still worry about you and stress out if you are happy or not or just worry about your general self like are you ok physically and mentally. You will always hold a place in my heart and if I ever have kids I will tell them about you and how amazing of a woman you were and that I will never forget you. I thought about burning everything you ever gave me but that just seems immature and foolish. Last night I witnessed a guy putting his hands on a girl in the parking lot at blue collar bar so I ran over there. I told the guy stop that right now, I did that once to a girl I loved and regretted it ever since, he told me to fuck off and reached for her again. I punched the guy in the face and it felt really good for doing that to some scumbag dude. I just guess now that you are gone I dont fear anything anymore because ive lost the most important thing and really have nothing else to live for and if i died right there, oh well I died doing something good. She thanked me and gave me her number, I just smiled and didn't save it on my phone. I'm not interested, sorry ladies.