The decision is(n't) mine.............................................
Went and had lunch with my parents for Father's Day. Right before we prayed before our meal which included god is great, god is good let us thank youf or our food by his hands we are fed thank you god for daily bread amen and our father and a hail mary. My mom broke out in tears because tomorrow would have been her brother's 59th birthday, my uncle I got a memorial tattoo of. I had to get up after and wash my face because I was getting teary eyed. She told me she never got to shake his hands in church when we went there every summer because she sat in the choir section and I was always with him upstairs by the organ player or in the back by the church doors with him, she was glad I got to shake his hand in the peace be with you part of church. She told me now that he is gone how he considered me a son but he never wanted my dad to find out because he did not want my dad to be mad at him but he cared about me that much. I was glad to go through old pictures of my dad and I, I posted some on instagram. I hate to think of the thought that I will never be a father myself but its true, I texted all my friends at midnight and wished them all Happy Father's Day. Sorry world, I can not settle for some woman out there, I have to live with the mistake of leaving the only one I love and be reminded of it like an old scar, a stretch mark, or a burn mark. Ughh I bought a bottle of seagram's Vo last night that I didn't touch but I think I'm going to find a low lit icehouse dive and drink alone to try and forget this thought of never being a father. I'm very thankful that my sister (Mallary) called me late last night to come to denny's and eat wih her, I'm forever thankful someone was being goofy enough to make me laugh and smile since I really haven't in a while. I ordered a grilled cheese sandwich with tomatoes inside and onion rings because it was a favorite of mine when I used to go there as a kid.
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