the aftermath
well, the weekend is over. it sucked in a lot of ways but it feels good to be done with as well. not really closure, cuz im not sure any of us will ever really have that. but i started seeing the healing begin and that is good.
the memorial saturday night was really good but also really hard. the bagpipes were awesome. i talked to the guy and he is going to teach me. im going to hopefully get the practice stuff this week and get started learning next week. im gonna start a irish punk/folk/oi band and play the pipes in it. it will be really awesome. i want to play amazing grace (like the murphys do) at each show and dedicated it to derek.
but i digress.
the pipes were really cool and i think people liked them. im glad i did that. convicted was awesome. the pit wasn't as violent as i thought it was going to be. i did my best to get it violent a couple of times, but it never got that bad. maybe people were just too upset (or too drunk) to get nuts. but it still helped me at least. violence can be medicinal.
that went to shit though when they played because you're young. man, i was on stage with them and looking out i just saw all these people falling apart. then i looked to my left and to my right and everyone, including the band, was falling apart. it was really hard. the face i will take away from that, and im not sure why, is skeffington ryan. i found his face in the crowd and it was just heart wrenching to see him crying.
white trash played next and i dont think it was nearly as emotional. its hard to be sad with songs that start off with "my girlfriend ran away with my dog the other day..." there was a point when i looked up at stage and i saw eric singing/playing guitar and matt on the upright. just below the bass i could see derek's drums but not who was playing. for a moment, just a split second of time, i thought "this is what it would have been like if derek had not been in the accident."
chris played with logan and a guy i dont know last. they only played one song and it was the song they have now dubbed "derek's song." i had held it together all night but, when they played it, i just fell apart. i was convulsing with the tears. i honestly can't remember the last time i cried that hard. i know i didn't when my dad died. or any number of other people i was close to. it felt good to let it out, though.
then the interview played where you could hear derek's voice again. i wasn't sure about that part of it. but i went ahead with it. i think most people liked it. but i was really hard hearing derek over the PA, laughing and being the idiot we all loved "V - A - G - OI! - N - E - R. that's how i spell vagina." haha
the only thing i wish i could still fix is the stuff with trish. i know allie at least and i think a lot of her family hate her and blame her for the wreck. and i dont know how to make that different or if there is even any way that i can. i just know trish is hurting like all of hte rest of us and i hate it that she is being denied the opportunity to grieve with those that love her. don't get me wrong. im not saying derek's family is wrong. they are grieving. they are angry. they are hurt. pretty much anything they can feel right now is probably justified. i just personally don't blame trish and i wish i could make it all better.
but it will never be all better.
anyway, sunday was fun as hell. billy decided to go ahead with the bring your own kiddie pool party. it was great. i mean, a bunch of skinheads and punks and other underground folks in their bathing suits sitting in kiddie pools. i can't wait for the pictures. i laughed so hard that day. derek was missed. but he was there, too. and i saw almost no examples of anyone falling apart. every once in a while, there would be something. but for the most part, it was just a good time.
so yea, thats my weekend. time to let the healing begin, right? and if you wanna be in an irish folk/punk/oi band, you jsut let me know. but the position of bag pipper is already taken...
the memorial saturday night was really good but also really hard. the bagpipes were awesome. i talked to the guy and he is going to teach me. im going to hopefully get the practice stuff this week and get started learning next week. im gonna start a irish punk/folk/oi band and play the pipes in it. it will be really awesome. i want to play amazing grace (like the murphys do) at each show and dedicated it to derek.
but i digress.
the pipes were really cool and i think people liked them. im glad i did that. convicted was awesome. the pit wasn't as violent as i thought it was going to be. i did my best to get it violent a couple of times, but it never got that bad. maybe people were just too upset (or too drunk) to get nuts. but it still helped me at least. violence can be medicinal.
that went to shit though when they played because you're young. man, i was on stage with them and looking out i just saw all these people falling apart. then i looked to my left and to my right and everyone, including the band, was falling apart. it was really hard. the face i will take away from that, and im not sure why, is skeffington ryan. i found his face in the crowd and it was just heart wrenching to see him crying.
white trash played next and i dont think it was nearly as emotional. its hard to be sad with songs that start off with "my girlfriend ran away with my dog the other day..." there was a point when i looked up at stage and i saw eric singing/playing guitar and matt on the upright. just below the bass i could see derek's drums but not who was playing. for a moment, just a split second of time, i thought "this is what it would have been like if derek had not been in the accident."
chris played with logan and a guy i dont know last. they only played one song and it was the song they have now dubbed "derek's song." i had held it together all night but, when they played it, i just fell apart. i was convulsing with the tears. i honestly can't remember the last time i cried that hard. i know i didn't when my dad died. or any number of other people i was close to. it felt good to let it out, though.
then the interview played where you could hear derek's voice again. i wasn't sure about that part of it. but i went ahead with it. i think most people liked it. but i was really hard hearing derek over the PA, laughing and being the idiot we all loved "V - A - G - OI! - N - E - R. that's how i spell vagina." haha
the only thing i wish i could still fix is the stuff with trish. i know allie at least and i think a lot of her family hate her and blame her for the wreck. and i dont know how to make that different or if there is even any way that i can. i just know trish is hurting like all of hte rest of us and i hate it that she is being denied the opportunity to grieve with those that love her. don't get me wrong. im not saying derek's family is wrong. they are grieving. they are angry. they are hurt. pretty much anything they can feel right now is probably justified. i just personally don't blame trish and i wish i could make it all better.
but it will never be all better.
anyway, sunday was fun as hell. billy decided to go ahead with the bring your own kiddie pool party. it was great. i mean, a bunch of skinheads and punks and other underground folks in their bathing suits sitting in kiddie pools. i can't wait for the pictures. i laughed so hard that day. derek was missed. but he was there, too. and i saw almost no examples of anyone falling apart. every once in a while, there would be something. but for the most part, it was just a good time.
so yea, thats my weekend. time to let the healing begin, right? and if you wanna be in an irish folk/punk/oi band, you jsut let me know. but the position of bag pipper is already taken...