*sigh*
Okay, I should first off say I am turelly happier living here in Mulliken...but...no matter how great he treats me, I still am slightly unhappy. I don't knwo why. I just, I my moments where I just want to burst out and cry. It doesn't seem right to me that I feel like doing this. I mean, I have never, NEVER been with anyone who treats me nearly as good as he does. I mean, he is not really into christain music but if we have a fight, he will turn it on as a way of appolagizing to me. That is a lot for him. He is the type that is into real hard stuff. Anyways, he never hits me (more than soft playful) and he doesn't put me down. He does everything he can to keep me happy. I just, i just feel like crying sometimes and I don't know why. I mean, we love each other and are happy together, but at the same time, I jsut want to cry...like now...
I hate how Kristen and I are now, and how John and I rarely talk...and Mike. THem three mean alot to me and I know that I don't call them but I know there is tention between Kristen and me and I know the Beach boys don't believe I am doing the right thing either but I know in my heart this is right. THose of you who know me really well know that I am not the one to just marry anyone, not with what I grew up with. And you also know I have always, since I was really little, wanted to get married and start a family young. What is so wrong with that? I mean, my career will be with children so it's not like I got to postpone anything. No we aren't planning to have kids till we are financaly stabled but still.
GAH! I just wish I could talk to Nicholas or John...Like i use to be able to. But I never see Nicholas online anymore except when I am rarely in GW and then he is typically busy. The last time we had a good convo was pry a month ago. For some reason I can't even email him...he says he still has that email but it just won't work for me.
I wounder if I should start taking my Zooloft again...
I just don't knwo anymore...
I hate how Kristen and I are now, and how John and I rarely talk...and Mike. THem three mean alot to me and I know that I don't call them but I know there is tention between Kristen and me and I know the Beach boys don't believe I am doing the right thing either but I know in my heart this is right. THose of you who know me really well know that I am not the one to just marry anyone, not with what I grew up with. And you also know I have always, since I was really little, wanted to get married and start a family young. What is so wrong with that? I mean, my career will be with children so it's not like I got to postpone anything. No we aren't planning to have kids till we are financaly stabled but still.
GAH! I just wish I could talk to Nicholas or John...Like i use to be able to. But I never see Nicholas online anymore except when I am rarely in GW and then he is typically busy. The last time we had a good convo was pry a month ago. For some reason I can't even email him...he says he still has that email but it just won't work for me.
I wounder if I should start taking my Zooloft again...
I just don't knwo anymore...