something i wrote this past july
This Summer - My life Changes
This summer my life is changing. What I want is becoming more clear. I am going back to where I began.
I began with ideals of changing the world. MLK and Rhythm Nation were my inspirations.
I was told: “You are too idealistic. You have to come to reality and be practical.”
I bought into that advice. It wasn’t bad advice. It wasn’t good advice. It was soul depressing advice. But, hey, I thought it was reality and one day it would hit. One day I would wake up and think that bettering the world was less important to me than making money and having a “secure life” (= being married to a man, making enough money to keep up with the life-style of my parents). I don’t blame the parents for giving me this advice. They think this is best and only want what is best.
But, my life is changing.
I am going back to how I was. I want it passionately now. . . .b/c I listened and believed the advice was right for me.
But, now I realize my own advice is right for me:
Believe in my ideals. Work for change. You can still have food on the table. You can still get married working for change. You can even marry someone who is active in working for change! (What a novel concept!) Margaretta has come in such a key time in my life. A mentor, an example of what I only hoped was possible. She has the ongoing energy of the Sun. She focuses that energy like a tiger and pads it at times with rainbows - love and kindness. She is a first rate lawyer. She lives and breathes a socially conscious life. She knows where to balance herself and draw the line. She eats meats and lives in a straw-bail house. She has children. She has married a socially conscious man (Indian at that!).
I can do it. I can be this again. I just need the right environment, and the suburbs aren’t that environment for me. Is that so selfish? Is that so selfish that I don’t want to live in the suburbs, ie close to home or even go home that often?
I feel it is time to build myself and my profession, not to go home. I think I am right. I am reaching the 2nd quarter of my life and it’s time to build myself professionally. Mom, dad, the family will have to understand. I am not moving from the East Bay, even if San Jose is only an hour away.
This summer my life is changing. What I want is becoming more clear. I am going back to where I began.
I began with ideals of changing the world. MLK and Rhythm Nation were my inspirations.
I was told: “You are too idealistic. You have to come to reality and be practical.”
I bought into that advice. It wasn’t bad advice. It wasn’t good advice. It was soul depressing advice. But, hey, I thought it was reality and one day it would hit. One day I would wake up and think that bettering the world was less important to me than making money and having a “secure life” (= being married to a man, making enough money to keep up with the life-style of my parents). I don’t blame the parents for giving me this advice. They think this is best and only want what is best.
But, my life is changing.
I am going back to how I was. I want it passionately now. . . .b/c I listened and believed the advice was right for me.
But, now I realize my own advice is right for me:
Believe in my ideals. Work for change. You can still have food on the table. You can still get married working for change. You can even marry someone who is active in working for change! (What a novel concept!) Margaretta has come in such a key time in my life. A mentor, an example of what I only hoped was possible. She has the ongoing energy of the Sun. She focuses that energy like a tiger and pads it at times with rainbows - love and kindness. She is a first rate lawyer. She lives and breathes a socially conscious life. She knows where to balance herself and draw the line. She eats meats and lives in a straw-bail house. She has children. She has married a socially conscious man (Indian at that!).
I can do it. I can be this again. I just need the right environment, and the suburbs aren’t that environment for me. Is that so selfish? Is that so selfish that I don’t want to live in the suburbs, ie close to home or even go home that often?
I feel it is time to build myself and my profession, not to go home. I think I am right. I am reaching the 2nd quarter of my life and it’s time to build myself professionally. Mom, dad, the family will have to understand. I am not moving from the East Bay, even if San Jose is only an hour away.