[KRDen-O;prose] making the best of things
Sakurai Yuuto
Post-Den-O
Yuuto still skulks around the Milk Dipper when he tires of staring at endless plains of sand, although he limits his interactions with Airi on a strict barister-patron basis. It's less cruel to her, he figures, because she will have lesser memories to lose in case something goes wrong. Nogami is confident that there are no Imagins left so Yuuto doesn't have to use the cards anymore, but Yuuto continues to be wary. The fact that he still has a pack of cards hanging from his hip says as much, Yuuto's learned from the past months that life, at least his, will never that easy.
But he doesn't stop Airi from paying more attention to him than she should. Each new visit yields a new blend of coffee, often presented in cups that look more and more ludicrous as time went by, even if he does hate how it make him appear like a spoilt kid (who gives a grown-up coffee in a green frog-shaped mug anyway). It's just... comforting, this strange ritual, and Yuuto knows that this can't possibly last, but he can't stop visiting her either.
He thinks he sees the beginning of the end when Nogami tells him one day, breathless with excitement, that "nee-san's memory is coming back". Yuuto isn't sure if Nogami's forgotten what that really means, because inherently Nogami isn't cruel, but he can be a little thoughtless. He stays away from the Milk Dipper for a month after that revelation, unsure whether he should return.
Nogami starts calling the Zeroliner phone. Yuuto doesn't even know how the Zeroliner got a phone, much less how Nogami figured out how to call it, but Deneb seems happy enough to have at least one other person caring about Yuuto, so he leaves it be. Nogami's topics are almost inane, he talks about the Milk Dipper, its not-so-varied patrons, and school. "I'm thinking of going to university," Nogami says, and there is a pause where Yuuto can almost see him biting his lip, "Maybe you should too, Yuuto. I mean, you can't...go back, right?"
Yuuto knows that Deneb is eavesdropping when the green Imagin suddenly stiffens just a little, and perhaps his reply is a little short when he says, "I don't think so."
Still, he can't help thinking about the question days later, especially when Deneb's in his body doing the weekly shopping and he's free to watch the scenery go by. He sees students walking around with friends, and finds himself thinking about his old friendships, probably long forgotten now. Deneb doesn't push the issue about attending Ryoutarou's university, but his concern is a weight at the back of Yuuto's mind.
It gets shoved to the corner soon enough, when Nogami begins a series of really irritating calls where the moment Yuuto picks up he gets a dead line. Screaming at the unresponsive receiver after the eleventh time felt stupid but cathartic, and he's tempted to ignore the rest, if not for the fact that he kind of misses Nogami's ramblings. So he continues to pick up dead calls until one day, Nogami doesn't put down the phone but mutters an uncertain, "Um," and he barks back, almost impatiently, "Spit it out."
"You probably should come down," Nogami says in a rush. "Sakurai-san came back. About, uh," the lip-biting again, "Two weeks ago," he finishes meekly. "He said he was your elder brother."
----------------------------
"He told nee-san that his name is Sakurai Yuichi, and his younger brother Yuuto had been telling him about how the Milk Dipper was astronomy-themed and he thought he should check it out." Nogami tells him outside the Milk Dipper, body language awkward. Yuuto feels his ears burning, though he isn't sure if he's angry with Nogami or with his older self.
The cafe seems quieter than usual though, when he pushes the door open. Airi's top two fans are sitting together near the countertop, but oddly subdued, and Yuuto follows their line of vision to see Airi talking and smiling very softly, patiently turning the crank of her coffee grinder. And of course he sees his older self sitting right in front of her, a white postboy cap on his mop of hair, gently nodding along, and oh, how he hates how perfect they look together.
"You..." Yuuto starts to say, and he is abruptly irritated by the hat. "Don't wear hats indoors!"
"Yuuto-kun," Sakurai murmurs before dutifully taking his cap off. "I was wondering when you were going to show." The smile he gives Yuuto is at once enigmatic and infuriating, and it makes Yuuto feel like punching him. Airi's bright greeting stops him from doing anything stupid though, and she holds up a new mug, candy-themed this time.
"Nogami-san told me that she's been trying to get you to appreciate good coffee," Sakurai says, and Yuuto can't resist giving her a look. She shrugs and smiles almost sheepishly, and Yuuto feels struck by how much brighter she appears, how much more complete.
"...Welcome back," he says at last. Sakurai gives him the barest of nods, and replies, "We should play catch-up."
"We should," Yuuto echoes, but thinks that he may never take Sakurai up on it.
He doesn't know that he's actually glowering at Sakurai later until Nogami elbows him while clearing his table and whispers, "Stop scowling." Of course it wouldn't do either of them good if the "little brother" disapproved of the relationship, it is only due to Yuuto's lack of apparent interest in Airi that stopped the gossip mill from rolling. Yuuto wonders belatedly if this is how Ryuutaros felt a year ago, and while he isn't feeling particularly murderous towards Sakurai, resentment sits like an ugly cancer in his gut.
It's not that he doesn't want to see Airi happy. The problem is, he does want her happy, but her source of happiness ultimately lies with another him, and he finds that galling. Sometimes, Yuuto wishes that he hadn't known Airi had been his older self's fiancee, because then perhaps it wouldn't have turned into the huge mess it is right now.
Yuuto doesn't regret falling in love with her. He simply wishes that it wouldn't hurt so much, to see her laughing with the person he could have been.
-----------------------------
There is a place for him where Sakurai stays, and Yuuto knows that it's really only temporary, but he hasn't felt inclined to move in yet. It's not that he finds the Zeroliner uncomfortable, because it is, but he still finds it preferable to being alone (barring Deneb) with his older self for more than an hour. Besides, the Zeroliner offers a more convenient way of getting Deneb to his mall job as candy store mascot.
Airi starts extending several invitations to various outings regardless of the fact that he's not staying there, mostly on the basis that "Sakurai's little brother must join us!", and despite his reservations he can't refuse her. He doesn't want to admit it, but he has missed being with her. However, if this is the best he can get, well, Yuuto's not really one to quibble.
They do mundane things, picnics and zoo outings (really, he's just chaperoning the both of them with Nogami), and Airi seems especially delighted that Yuuto shares his brother's love for astronomy, and he gets dragged along to the Kibougahara every weekend.
Nogami seizes opportunities to try and talk Yuuto into attending university under the pretense of learning more about the celestial bodies, and probes not too subtly about the odds of Yuuto moving into Sakurai's place. Yuuto humours Nogami if he manages to pass Yuuto's pop-quizzes, but it doesn't happen often. Sometimes Sakurai joins in to help or hassle, uninvited, and strangely enough, Yuuto feels less and less irritated with him as the days go by.
Airi laughs at all three of them.
Deneb chatters about how happy he is for Yuuto to finally have friends again, nay, a family, and Yuuto can't help snapping back that what nonsense are you talking about we've always been family, you and me. It's the first time he's admitted anything like that to his Imagin, and Yuuto tries to cover it up with this is all his fault anyway, he owes me one, but Deneb is this sudden warm, joyful bubble in his head and well, perhaps it's alright to say stupid things like that once in a while.
In time, Yuuto finds himself setting down into a pattern not unlike normality, at least he's not simply waiting in the Zeroliner for Deneb to come home. It's a little like learning how to walk again, every step he makes with Nogami and Airi and even Sakurai feels like he might fall, and it continually surprises him that he doesn't.
He moves in with Sakurai when the older man proposes to Airi, three months after he returns. Three months after that, before the university entrance exams commence, Yuuto calls Ryoutarou up, and asks for textbooks to study.
Yuuto is still afraid of many things. The cards are still there, and so is the Zeroliner, and so is Deneb. Sometimes Ryoutarou talks to his Imagins, and Yuuto finds himself covering for Ryoutarou's apparent insanity. But he is working towards an astronomy degree, and he still has Deneb, and he has Airi, and Yuuto thinks, maybe everything will be okay after all.
Post-Den-O
Yuuto still skulks around the Milk Dipper when he tires of staring at endless plains of sand, although he limits his interactions with Airi on a strict barister-patron basis. It's less cruel to her, he figures, because she will have lesser memories to lose in case something goes wrong. Nogami is confident that there are no Imagins left so Yuuto doesn't have to use the cards anymore, but Yuuto continues to be wary. The fact that he still has a pack of cards hanging from his hip says as much, Yuuto's learned from the past months that life, at least his, will never that easy.
But he doesn't stop Airi from paying more attention to him than she should. Each new visit yields a new blend of coffee, often presented in cups that look more and more ludicrous as time went by, even if he does hate how it make him appear like a spoilt kid (who gives a grown-up coffee in a green frog-shaped mug anyway). It's just... comforting, this strange ritual, and Yuuto knows that this can't possibly last, but he can't stop visiting her either.
He thinks he sees the beginning of the end when Nogami tells him one day, breathless with excitement, that "nee-san's memory is coming back". Yuuto isn't sure if Nogami's forgotten what that really means, because inherently Nogami isn't cruel, but he can be a little thoughtless. He stays away from the Milk Dipper for a month after that revelation, unsure whether he should return.
Nogami starts calling the Zeroliner phone. Yuuto doesn't even know how the Zeroliner got a phone, much less how Nogami figured out how to call it, but Deneb seems happy enough to have at least one other person caring about Yuuto, so he leaves it be. Nogami's topics are almost inane, he talks about the Milk Dipper, its not-so-varied patrons, and school. "I'm thinking of going to university," Nogami says, and there is a pause where Yuuto can almost see him biting his lip, "Maybe you should too, Yuuto. I mean, you can't...go back, right?"
Yuuto knows that Deneb is eavesdropping when the green Imagin suddenly stiffens just a little, and perhaps his reply is a little short when he says, "I don't think so."
Still, he can't help thinking about the question days later, especially when Deneb's in his body doing the weekly shopping and he's free to watch the scenery go by. He sees students walking around with friends, and finds himself thinking about his old friendships, probably long forgotten now. Deneb doesn't push the issue about attending Ryoutarou's university, but his concern is a weight at the back of Yuuto's mind.
It gets shoved to the corner soon enough, when Nogami begins a series of really irritating calls where the moment Yuuto picks up he gets a dead line. Screaming at the unresponsive receiver after the eleventh time felt stupid but cathartic, and he's tempted to ignore the rest, if not for the fact that he kind of misses Nogami's ramblings. So he continues to pick up dead calls until one day, Nogami doesn't put down the phone but mutters an uncertain, "Um," and he barks back, almost impatiently, "Spit it out."
"You probably should come down," Nogami says in a rush. "Sakurai-san came back. About, uh," the lip-biting again, "Two weeks ago," he finishes meekly. "He said he was your elder brother."
----------------------------
"He told nee-san that his name is Sakurai Yuichi, and his younger brother Yuuto had been telling him about how the Milk Dipper was astronomy-themed and he thought he should check it out." Nogami tells him outside the Milk Dipper, body language awkward. Yuuto feels his ears burning, though he isn't sure if he's angry with Nogami or with his older self.
The cafe seems quieter than usual though, when he pushes the door open. Airi's top two fans are sitting together near the countertop, but oddly subdued, and Yuuto follows their line of vision to see Airi talking and smiling very softly, patiently turning the crank of her coffee grinder. And of course he sees his older self sitting right in front of her, a white postboy cap on his mop of hair, gently nodding along, and oh, how he hates how perfect they look together.
"You..." Yuuto starts to say, and he is abruptly irritated by the hat. "Don't wear hats indoors!"
"Yuuto-kun," Sakurai murmurs before dutifully taking his cap off. "I was wondering when you were going to show." The smile he gives Yuuto is at once enigmatic and infuriating, and it makes Yuuto feel like punching him. Airi's bright greeting stops him from doing anything stupid though, and she holds up a new mug, candy-themed this time.
"Nogami-san told me that she's been trying to get you to appreciate good coffee," Sakurai says, and Yuuto can't resist giving her a look. She shrugs and smiles almost sheepishly, and Yuuto feels struck by how much brighter she appears, how much more complete.
"...Welcome back," he says at last. Sakurai gives him the barest of nods, and replies, "We should play catch-up."
"We should," Yuuto echoes, but thinks that he may never take Sakurai up on it.
He doesn't know that he's actually glowering at Sakurai later until Nogami elbows him while clearing his table and whispers, "Stop scowling." Of course it wouldn't do either of them good if the "little brother" disapproved of the relationship, it is only due to Yuuto's lack of apparent interest in Airi that stopped the gossip mill from rolling. Yuuto wonders belatedly if this is how Ryuutaros felt a year ago, and while he isn't feeling particularly murderous towards Sakurai, resentment sits like an ugly cancer in his gut.
It's not that he doesn't want to see Airi happy. The problem is, he does want her happy, but her source of happiness ultimately lies with another him, and he finds that galling. Sometimes, Yuuto wishes that he hadn't known Airi had been his older self's fiancee, because then perhaps it wouldn't have turned into the huge mess it is right now.
Yuuto doesn't regret falling in love with her. He simply wishes that it wouldn't hurt so much, to see her laughing with the person he could have been.
-----------------------------
There is a place for him where Sakurai stays, and Yuuto knows that it's really only temporary, but he hasn't felt inclined to move in yet. It's not that he finds the Zeroliner uncomfortable, because it is, but he still finds it preferable to being alone (barring Deneb) with his older self for more than an hour. Besides, the Zeroliner offers a more convenient way of getting Deneb to his mall job as candy store mascot.
Airi starts extending several invitations to various outings regardless of the fact that he's not staying there, mostly on the basis that "Sakurai's little brother must join us!", and despite his reservations he can't refuse her. He doesn't want to admit it, but he has missed being with her. However, if this is the best he can get, well, Yuuto's not really one to quibble.
They do mundane things, picnics and zoo outings (really, he's just chaperoning the both of them with Nogami), and Airi seems especially delighted that Yuuto shares his brother's love for astronomy, and he gets dragged along to the Kibougahara every weekend.
Nogami seizes opportunities to try and talk Yuuto into attending university under the pretense of learning more about the celestial bodies, and probes not too subtly about the odds of Yuuto moving into Sakurai's place. Yuuto humours Nogami if he manages to pass Yuuto's pop-quizzes, but it doesn't happen often. Sometimes Sakurai joins in to help or hassle, uninvited, and strangely enough, Yuuto feels less and less irritated with him as the days go by.
Airi laughs at all three of them.
Deneb chatters about how happy he is for Yuuto to finally have friends again, nay, a family, and Yuuto can't help snapping back that what nonsense are you talking about we've always been family, you and me. It's the first time he's admitted anything like that to his Imagin, and Yuuto tries to cover it up with this is all his fault anyway, he owes me one, but Deneb is this sudden warm, joyful bubble in his head and well, perhaps it's alright to say stupid things like that once in a while.
In time, Yuuto finds himself setting down into a pattern not unlike normality, at least he's not simply waiting in the Zeroliner for Deneb to come home. It's a little like learning how to walk again, every step he makes with Nogami and Airi and even Sakurai feels like he might fall, and it continually surprises him that he doesn't.
He moves in with Sakurai when the older man proposes to Airi, three months after he returns. Three months after that, before the university entrance exams commence, Yuuto calls Ryoutarou up, and asks for textbooks to study.
Yuuto is still afraid of many things. The cards are still there, and so is the Zeroliner, and so is Deneb. Sometimes Ryoutarou talks to his Imagins, and Yuuto finds himself covering for Ryoutarou's apparent insanity. But he is working towards an astronomy degree, and he still has Deneb, and he has Airi, and Yuuto thinks, maybe everything will be okay after all.