Title: All at Once
Pairing: Laura Roslin/Lee Adama
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica
Rating: NC-17/M
Word Count: 3,988
Summary: Lee's reaction after Laura confides in him about her disease in Bastille Day, 1x03.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Lee wandered aimlessly around Galactica, the sound of his boots echoing in the almost empty halls of the old battlestar. A few men passed him, saluting him, but he didn’t notice them, too engrossed in his thoughts to pay attention to anything but those three little words that kept going around in his head, their meaning never lessening each time he repeated them.
“I have cancer.” He stopped midstride, recalling the brave face the president had put on when she told him, that weak smile she had offered while tears were brimming in her eyes, but she hadn’t shed them, smiling as she called him captain Apollo and reached out to take hold of his hand that had clenched his thigh tightly without noticing.
She had reminded him of the stories of Persephone he had been told when he had been young, beautiful and venerable, bound for tragedy, for a fate she hadn’t wanted and hadn’t deserved, but she carried that misfortune with a grace that took his breath away. She took his breath away, even now with the knowledge that she was terminally ill, the mere thought of Laura Roslin sent a spark of warmth through his body.
Slamming his fist into a bulkhead, he cried out, making a young deckhand jump and stare at him as if he had lost his mind. Maybe he had. It wasn’t fair to her, to him, to humanity. Out of the billions of people that had died, someone actually in line of succession of the presidency survived, someone who handled herself well in this crisis, seemed capable of carrying this heavy load, only to have that woman be dying of a disease that would eat her alive.
Unconsciously he traced his hand where hers had been, where the warmth of her palm had touched his skin. Lee had seen her bottom lip tremble slightly as if it had taken all over her strength not to pour out her emotions to him, to keep them safely locked away behind that forced but sincere smile of hers.
He’d been unable to take his eyes off her face, mesmerized by the willpower and force he had seen in her green eyes. He’d found himself leaning in, lowering his gaze to her lips, memorizing the shape of them, how perfect they were. Swallowing when she had parted them ever so slightly, he had felt her breath on his face, her hand tentatively placed against his chest.
“Lee,” she had breathed, but she hadn’t made a single move, waiting for him to act. It had been like that single word had snapped him awake and he’d quickly pulled back, before their lips had touched. She’d only briefly widened her eyes in surprise before retreating back behind her president’s mask as he had almost fled from her makeshift quarters.
He was an idiot, a frakking idiot for walking away from her like that when she had not made one move to stop him. She would have let him kiss her and he ran. Maybe he was just an idiot for wanting her. She was the president of the twelve colonies. Of all the women that had survived she was the only one that was most certainly off limits. She couldn’t get involved with the commander’s son even if she wanted to.
“Lee. Yo, Lee, wait,” Kara called out behind him. He turned to look briefly over his shoulder to see Kara jogging towards him , doing one of her exercise rounds. Turning back around he continued walking.
“Not now, Kara,” he growled when she come up to jog beside him, slowing down to keep up with his rhythm. He wanted to be left alone, just so he could process what the President had told him, what he had almost done. He didn’t want to be dragged into a conversation with a happy Kara.
“What has gotten you so tense? Those prisoners beat all the fun out of you?”
“Haha, very funny. Just go on with your work out, okay?”
“Yes, sir,” she said with a mock salute. “Just figure it out. I don’t feel like flying with a cranky CAG tomorrow,” Kara added before she picked up pace and disappeared around a corner. He could still hear the sound of her boots hitting deck for a few minutes before he was sure she was absolutely gone.
He would have loved to confide in her, share the president’s secret with her. She was the only one he would trust with that. But he didn’t want to damage the president’s trust in him. “You’re captain Apollo” she had said, as if that guaranteed that he was a good man, that he was worthy of her confidence in him.
“Captain Adama, sir,” a young pilot said that had somehow managed to creep up behind him. He spun around, watching how the pilot, whose call sign was Crash if he recalled correctly, saluted him. He returned it, frowning. Why would his father sent a pilot to get him?
“What?” he snapped and Crash seemed mildly shocked at his harsh reaction.
“I - - uh, the president has requested that you see her.” Lee raised his eyebrows. The president had sent a raptor pilot after him to get him back to Colonial One, at this hour. He doubted that she wanted to discuss military protocols with him. So that could only mean one thing.
“Now?”
“Yes, sir.” For a moment he contemplated sending the young pilot back to Colonial One without him, not wanting to deal with whatever it was Roslin was going to throw at him. But he didn’t want to do that to her. He didn’t want to undermine her authority this early in her presidency while her position was still so fragile.
“Lead the way,” he said with a sigh. The pilot unnecessarily saluted him again before he turned and started marching back towards the raptor flight deck with Lee following behind him.
During their walk to the deck and during the flight to Colonial One, Lee couldn’t manage to get his nerves under control. He was unable to keep himself from wondering what the president wanted from him. At best she was going to scold him for wanting to kiss her, though Lee figured it was much more likely she was going to fire him from the position she had invented and he would go back to just the CAG and would only scarcely see her whenever she visited Galactica.
His hands trembled when he stepped off the raptor. Clasping them behind his back to hide his obvious nervousness, he walked up to the deck where her office and quarters were situated. He passed people curled up in the leather seats, most were sleeping, though some were reading. Billy stood up as soon as he walked into the office, opening the curtain that led to the president’s bedroom.
“Thank you, Billy,” the president said softly, giving the young man a smile before he closed the curtain and left Lee alone with her. A heavy silence settled between the two of them. Lee shifted uncomfortably. Wondering exactly what was more painful, standing here, so close to her, not knowing what was going to happen, or sitting next to her as she calmly informed him she was dying.
“Please, sit down,” she finally said, gesturing towards the chair he had sat on earlier before she pulled her robe tighter around her body and a move to sit down on her improvised bed.
“I’d prefer to stand if you don’t mind, madam president,” he interjected. Roslin raised an eyebrow, but refrained from commenting. She merely righted herself again and walked back to stand in front of him, looking up, her gaze impenetrable.
“Alright, let’s not beat around the bush. You almost kissed me, you didn’t. I want to know why. And don’t give me any crap about rules and regulations, because I know that’s not what goes through a man’s mind before he kisses a woman,” she said sharply and Lee blinked at her straightforwardness. For a politician, she knew how to say exactly what she wanted and what she meant instead of making up long sentences filled with equally long words without actually saying anything.
“I don’t know. I wanted to, but something just made me stop. I wish I could explain it,” he responded hesitantly. He honestly didn’t have a proper reply to her question. He simply hadn’t kissed her when he could have. Laura tilted her chin up, pursing her lips lightly as she regarded him as if he was something fascinating that she hadn’t yet decided whether she liked it or not.
“Okay, let’s make this simple. Do you regret it?”
“Yes,” he said, absolutely sure of himself this time. Laura quirked the corners of her mouth at his response as she placed a hand on his shoulder. For a brief moment he wondered when exactly she had gotten so close to him that he could see the laugh lines around her eyes and mouth, the thin lines on her forehead and brow that marked the responsibility she had been recently burdened with.
“Would you care to rectify the situation?” she asked, almost whispered, closing the distance between their lips until there was only a hair’s breadth between them. He could feel the heat radiating off her body through the silk and his uniform as she stood so close without touching him, save for the hand that lightly rested on his shoulder. She’d initiated this, but was leaving the choice to finish it up to him.
“Yes,” he replied, slipping an arm around her waist to pull her against his body. Laura made a nearly inaudible noise when she collides with his body, placing one hand against his chest to steady herself. With a confidence he didn’t know he possessed, he captured her lips, sliding a hand in her hair to tangle his fingers in her auburn locks.
Her lips were soft and so responsive to his every move as she moved her hand from his shoulder to the back of his neck, raking her nails over the short hairs her fingertips encountered there, sending sparks of desperate need through his body, a need to discover every inch of her body, to feel her react to his touch.
Running his tongue over her bottom lip, Lee felt the texture of her lips before she willingly parted them. He groaned when their tongues touched and could finally taste her. Laura tasted like stale water and bland noodles, but underneath it all, there was something so purely and utterly Laura Roslin, power, strength, a love for life, a passionate side that she kept hidden from everybody else.
He reveled in the slowness, the easiness of the kiss, at how well they fit together. He let his fingers wander over the dip of her waist, down her hip, the silky fabric of her robe slippery under his touch as he moved his hand to the small of her back, letting it come to rest just above the swell of her ass, pushing her against his body, letting her feel how much he wanted her.
Laura moaned in appreciation, rolling her hips against his before her hands made their way to the buttons of his uniform jacket, unfastening them. She pushed her hands under the rough wool, roaming over his tanks, tracing his muscles through the fabric, mindful of the bruises that the prisoners of the Astral Queen had left on his body.
He returned the gesture by parting the silk robe, revealing her nightgown of the same color, set off with delicate lace. He pushed her robe off her shoulder, letting it pool at her feet as he ran his hands over her bare arms, goose bumps rising in the wake of his fingertips. When he reached her shoulders he pushed her back so he could look in her eyes.
“Madam Pr- - Laura, are you sure? I mean, you are d - -,” he choked on the last word. He knew it was true and yet he couldn’t say it yet. She was dying. There was no way to avoid it, but saying it would make it so definite.
“Let me worry about dying. You need only to worry about what we can do while I’m still alive.” She softly kissed his temple, cheekbone, the corner of his mouth, mindful of his bruises, as she ran a hand down his chest, letting it come to rest above his heart. “Please, Lee, I don’t want think about it anymore, Not tonight.”
“Then what do you want?” he asked, needing her assurance that this was what she wanted. That in spite of everything, their positions, her disease, how wrong this was, she wanted him, needed him.
“You. Right now, I want you, nothing else,” she replied, the look on her face unguarded as she looked in his eyes. He didn’t think he would ever get over her unique beauty. He tried to memorize every line, every little flaw, the shape of her eyes, nose, mouth, the way the auburn of her hair set off against her green eyes, how everything came together to create this one perfect image.
Lee pulled her close again, crashing her against his body as he kissed her hard, trying to fight away to fear of losing her. He barely knew her, but the thought of seeing her wither away for months before she died, the thought that he would never see her again terrified him like no cylon attack ever could. He held on to her as if both their lives depended on it.
Laura seemed to notice from the way she tensed for a moment, but quickly pretended that she didn’t feel his fear, wrapping a leg around his hip, hitching up her nightgown in the process. Lee dropped one of his hands to grasp her thigh, caressing the smooth skin, feeling the strong muscles underneath. Moving his hand up underneath the fabric to the curve of her hip, he traced the edge of her panties.
Urging her to wrap her other leg around his hips as well, he lifted her up as she wrapped her arms around his neck, not once breaking the kiss. Slowly he made his way to the sofa that had been upgraded to her bed. He moved to lay her down on the rumpled blanket when she stopped him.
“Wait,” Laura whispered, removing her arms from his neck. “Don’t let me go,” Laura almost ordered as she maneuvered her hands to grasp the hem of her nightgown and managed to work it over her head in one smooth motion, baring herself to his eyes save for her black cotton panties.
He watched as the hemline moved higher, revealing more skin as it went, her stomach, ribs, her breasts, nipples hardening when they came into contact with the cool air and finally her face, her eyes sparkling with life as she smiled, looking down at him. He smiled back before she cupped his face with both hands and pressed her lips against his.
Her skin was soft and warm against his palms as he slid his hands from her hips up to her ribs, tracing the bones with his thumbs. Lee brushed his knuckles against the side of her breasts, eliciting a whimper from Laura. He wanted to see her and feel her. This time when he gently placed her on the bed, she didn’t stop him. She just grasped the lapels of his uniform jacket and pulled him on top of her, crashing their lips together.
Laura’s hands moved underneath his jacket, attempting to push it off. He broke the kiss to push himself up and shrug out of the jacket, carelessly throwing it somewhere on the floor before he yanked off his tanks, stopping when he looked down at Laura, half-naked on her bed, hair splayed out on the pillow, arms beside her head, pupils dilated and breathing heavily as she took in his upper body.
“You are so beautiful,” he said before he leaned down to kiss her throat, her clavicle as Laura ran her hands over his arms and down his back, slipping them underneath the waistband of his pants. He brought his hands up to cup her breasts and brush his thumbs over her nipples before softly squeezing them. Laura moaned, arching up into his touch when he felt it in her left breast.
It was quite small, no larger than the medium-sized marbles he had played with when he had been a child, but it was there, the lump, a concentration of cells that would eventually kill the woman underneath him. He froze, pulling back to look at her face once again. Laura’s eyes were closed, concentration evident in her expression. He wanted to remove his hand, but she stopped him, covering his hand with her own.
“Don’t let it stop you. Forget it’s there,” she said, tightening her grip on his hand, curling her other hand around the back of his neck, pulling him down so she could whisper in his ear. “Make me forget it’s there.”
Lee didn’t know what to do or say when he heard those words. She was putting so much faith in him while she barely knew him. Trusting him with her secret, her body, her needs, it scared him and made him feel worth something for the first time in his life at the same time. He hesitated for a moment, but the look in Laura’s eyes convinced him to continue.
He kissed his way down to her breasts, tentatively wrapping his lips around her left nipple, testing her reaction. When she whimpered and gently dug her nails in his shoulders, urging him on, he bit the sensitive flesh softly, earning him another moan as he massaged her other breast, rolling the nipple between his fingers.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, a voice was screaming at him that this entire situation was wrong, from the fact of who they were to what he was doing, admiring the one thing that would be her downfall, that would end her life, but he steadfastly ignored that voice, paying attention to the sounds Laura was making with every touch, every movement.
“Don’t tease,” she breathed, pushing her hips up, grinding against his straining erection. Letting go of her breasts, Lee sat up, hooking his fingers in the waistband of her panties. Laura lifted her hips and he dragged the black fabric down her legs, throwing it in the general direction of the rest of her clothes as her feet rested on his shoulders. He pressed a series of quick kisses on her ankle and her calf, before he put her leg down.
Laura’s eyes never left his as he got up, toeing off his boots and removing his socks before got rid of his pants and boxers in one movement. Laura pushed herself up on her elbows and slowly dragged her eyes from his feet back to connect with his eyes, a look of yearning and arousal in them, her tongue flicking out to wet her bottom lip.
He returned the favor, taking in the way Laura was splayed out on her bed, her long legs slightly parted, her arousal glistening in her neatly trimmed curls. She wasn’t a young woman anymore. She wasn’t even a healthy woman. She had flaws, but he couldn’t recall if he had ever seen such a perfect image. If he had ever seen anything as Laura naked, turned on and in need of him.
He covered her body with his again, lying down between her spread legs, her knees pressing into his ribs. She dragged a hand through his hair before pulling his head down for another kiss, her lips pliant against his, tongue slipping in his mouth.
Incredibly slow he pushed into her, groaning when he felt her tight heat surround him. Laura broke the kiss, arching up as she bared her throat to him. He felt her stretch around him. She let out a breathy moan, the expression on her face one of pleasure as he continued until he was fully inside her, giving her a moment to adjust to him.
“Are you alright?” he asked. Laura opened her eyes, the green almost completely gone, replaced by the black of her pupils.
“Yes.” Her response was softly spoken like most of her words, but this single word carried so much with it. She wasn’t just talking about this moment. She was alright with everything that had been thrown her way and had made her peace with it.
Laura didn’t give him much time to ponder the depth of her reply, raking her nails over his ass, causing him to jerk, eliciting a soft moan from her. He withdrew himself before thrusting back into her. She bit her lip to hide a moan. Carefully he began to set a slow rhythm of thrusts, reveling in the feeling of Laura surrounding him.
He could feel her legs moving around him, her heels pushing into the back of his thighs, urging him to thrust harder and faster. She breathed heavily, gasping every time he pushed into her, her nails digging into his back, leaving crescent shaped indentations in his already bruised skin. It stung, but Lee couldn’t care about that.
She slipped a hand between their moving bodies, moving down to where they were joined to seek out her clit, circling it. He felt her muscles squeeze around him and he was afraid he was going to come right then and there. Every breath she now took was a soft whimper, carrying far in the silent room. He should be afraid that they would be heard on the other side of the curtain. But Laura didn’t seem to worry about it, too lost in what they were doing.
She felt so good around him, her muscles clenching as her fingers worked her clit. She was so hot, so wet, so tight. So close. He thrust hard into her and she cried out softly. He was close and determined to take her with him. His thrusts became rougher, faster. Their sweat-covered skin slapping together every time he entered her. It didn’t take long for him to come, emptying himself inside of her as muffled his cry against her throat.
Through his own orgasm he studied her face as she came breathing his name, ecstasy washing over her features. Her eyes were closed, her lips parted for a cry that never came. Her flush had intensified, coloring her cheeks and chest red, a bead of sweat rolling down the column of her throat. Her hair stuck to her forehead. Slowly she came down from her orgasm, her muscles relaxing as she sunk back down on her bed.
He tried to imagine what it was like for her, to be in an impossible position, trying to take care of countless of issues in very short periods of time while slowly her body was betraying her until she could no longer walk, work, breathe. He wondered if this momentary release of tension, of responsibility, however short-lived, was something she really needed, if it was enough for her.
Laura opened her eyes and for the first time since he had met her before she became president, the look in them was unburdened, free. She smiled up at him, caressing his back with her fingertips. He almost felt like an intruder, seeing something that he didn’t think any of the surviving humans had ever seen. Laura, just Laura, pure and simple and absolutely breathtaking.
“Will you stay, please?” she asked softly. With a smile, he leaned down and kissed her. This was different. It wasn’t leading anywhere, it was nothing more than a slow kiss, incredibly simple, but perfect in every sense of the word.
“I’m not going anywhere.”