Title: While She Sleeps
Pairing: Kathryn Janeway/B'Elanna Torres
Fandom: Star Trek Voyager
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Kathryn thinks about the consequences of B'Elanna's jealousy.
A/N: This is sort of a companion piece to Possessive (
http://surena-13.livejournal.com/23290.html#cutid1), but it's not necessary to read that first.
A/N 2: Inspired by something that
ubiquitousmixie said in a comment, so a big thank you for her.
Exhausted, but unable to sleep, Kathryn opens her eyes. For a moment she has trouble remembering where she is, these aren’t her quarters, until she feels the warm hand on her bare stomach, a naked body pressed against her own. B’Elanna.
Gently she picks up B’Elanna wrist and slides out from underneath the Klingon’s arm. Ignoring the fact that she misses the warmth of the beautiful body, she pushes herself into a sitting position, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. Her muscles ache like they haven’t in months. She knows why, looking over her shoulder.
She gets up, her legs protesting at the movement. The air in the bedroom is cold, but smells like sex, like deft fingers and greedy tongues. When the bedroom is quiet like this, with only the hum of the engines and the nearby stars to remind her that she is on a starship, she can almost hear the echoes of their moans and cries.
Stumbling over the crumpled remnants of her own uniform, she reaches the replicator and softly asks, her voice a mere whisper, for coffee, black. Her first cup that day, her tenth or eleventh in twenty four hours. Not her first sleepless night this week and probably not her last either.
Hectic doesn’t begin to describe the feeling this week is giving her. Seven seems to be going out of her way to go against everything Kathryn says one moment and then be in need of her caring attention the next. Even more than usual. It is like a constant drain on her energy.
And then there’s B’Elanna’s exponentially growing jealousy of the relationship she has with Seven. Every time the tall Borg walks into a room B’Elanna looks as if she is about two seconds away from doing some damage to that proud face.
If that was all, Kathryn may not have minded it that much. But lately B’Elanna seems to have developed the talent for dragging Kathryn away from whatever it is she is doing, usually something with Seven, and to pull her into to nearest unoccupied space that has doors and then fuck her within an inch of her sanity.
Kathryn has nothing against a little rough sex, nor against the thrill of the possibility of being caught. And she cannot deny that B’Elanna’s jealous side turns her on, but it is going to far or maybe it already has. Somehow she has to put a stop to it, but once the half Klingon has an idea in her head, it is almost impossible to get out.
Swallowing a mouthful of coffee, she sighs and walks back into the bedroom. B’Elanna has rolled over, her torso naked, illuminated in the faint light of the stars. Kathryn smiles seeing her this vulnerable, but so beautiful. Her expression is so careless, nothing to worry about. She wishes she could see B’Elanna like this when she is awake.
She knows she made a mistake giving into her feelings like this, allowing B’Elanna to take such a significant place in her life. Tuvok respectfully told her so when she informed him of her relationship. It’s irrational, illogical. It’s asking for things to go wrong. But she never felt like that until now. Ever since B’Elanna started to act like a woman possessed.
Her crew is noticing that something is different as well. Kathryn can see it in their eyes when they look at her. It’s not disgust, not exactly, but she knows she has lost their most of their respect. When they found out about her relationship with B’Elanna the crew wasn’t exactly pleased and she had to fight to keep their respect and loyalty. By being careful in public, never showing any obvious signs of affection, she managed.
It took a few weeks, but by then there was almost an unspoken rule. If the captain didn’t flaunt her relationship, her happiness, her crew would ignore it, allow it to exist and not mention it in their logs. Not precisely and acceptance, but no denial either. B’Elanna’s hungry eyes and possessive hands are putting that all at risk.
It has come to the point where Kathryn placed a dermal regenerator in both their quarters, so she can heal the bite mark B’Elanna leaves on her cheek every time they have sex. Before she became close to Seven, this rarely happened. But after she had to visit the Doctor numerous times in one week, and even he started to frown upon her relationship, she didn’t want to have to deal with that feeling of humiliation.
The best thing to do, would be to end the relationship before the situation forces her to. And eventually that will happen. But as she looks down at the sleeping woman, she isn’t sure if she could do that to her. She can’t imagine the consequences it would have for the both of them, for the ship.
“You look about a million light years away,” B’Elanna mumbles, blinking sleepily. Kathryn raises her eyebrows. She hadn’t even noticed that her staring had woken up the woman. “What were you thinking about that has you drinking coffee at this hour. What time is it anyway?”
“Late or early,” Kathryn replies. B’Elanna groans, burying her head in the pillow.
“How come you’re up already?”
“I couldn’t sleep. Something on my mind.”
“Care to share?” Kathryn can hear traces of worry in B’Elanna’s groggy voice. For a seconds she wonders if she should share her thoughts with B’Elanna, about her possessiveness and all the complications that it brings with it. But this isn’t the time and B’Elanna looks as if she is about to fall asleep at any moment.
“Not now,” she replies gently, hoping that B’Elanna will not know that she was thinking about leaving her.
“Then will you come back to bed?” Those words spoken by B’Elanna, softly, while she is so close to returning to her sleep, her defenses down, it makes Kathryn see the woman again that made her break Starfleet protocol and risk her crew’s loyalty.
“Yes.” She places her empty coffee cup on the nightstand and slides underneath the sheet that B’Elanna holds open for her, settling against her body. When B’Elanna wraps an arm around her body and pulls her even closer, her muscles relax, a tension disappearing she hadn’t even realized was there.
She feels B’Elanna’s fingers brushing away some of her hair until her neck is bare, and then full lips brush lightly over her skin. The gesture is loving, not possessive or the beginning of something more. As B’Elanna’s breathing evens out and she falls back asleep, Kathryn caresses the arm thrown over her body. This is where she belongs. And she is not ready to give that up, not yet.