(no subject)
So I accept a team order from the twloha street team the other day, agreeing to write a blog about how twloha has affected me. I've been waiting for the right moment to write it, and I think this is it. I want to talk about alot of things that I haven't really discussed before, though some of you may know parts.
Me- Im a complicated person. I don't know who I really am. Im just so different. There really is nothing more annoying than assainments at the beginning of the school year where teachers ask you to describe yourself in one word. How the fuck is anyone in their right mind supposed to do that. Anyone who can do that- screw you. sorry, no more mean comments from me. But the same kind of things apply when I try and write bios about myselft on one of these so called "social networking" sites that my friends have convinced me to set up. What am I supposed to tell people, do people honestly even care? If I have them on my friends page then I want to get to know them by talking to them, not by reading a few sentances or so about who they say they are.
Im a changing person. I've been through alot. Sure, I've got a nice house and a family that's still all together and all that other shit that people see on the outside that makes them think I have a nice life. It ain't all that fun or easy. But as much as I do want to complain or just break down crying, I have found that there are so many more people out there, especially in this typical suburban setting that I grew up in, that have these same problems. twloha is one of the many things that has really showed me that. My mom always isolated me, but I knew I needed to come out of that shell she made for me. Little did I know, doing so would help me more than she ever could. Good God, I've found out that my dad's dad commited suicide before I was born, that my older cousin suffered from panic attacks and depression for many years, and that depressions actually runs in my dad's family. I hate to rip on her more, but she truly doesn't and never will know how it feels to just want to curl up in a ball and cry, or do something even worse. Neither of us can change that.
Im sorry if I keep going off on tangents. But more to the point, I have done many things just to get by. I've been on the brink of death. I've been addicted to overdosing on pain killers. I've cut myself with a simple razor blade in an attempt to calm myself down. I've tried to kill myself- twice. Im not looking for sympathy, and don't you dare give it to me. I don't need it. I've made it this far without any help from a shrink nor my parents. But I know that Im lucky.
That's why someday, I want to help those kids that aren't as lucky. I want to help the kids who can't do it on their own. I want to be a child psychologist. And for right now, I want to support those that share that same mission. Because as my story gets better, the pain is still close at home. My baby sister and the love of my life is already showing signs of depression and anxiety, at the tender age of ten. I know that she is also strong, and that she will not only make it through life, but get through it with a smile on her face and the ability to put a smile on my face, no matter how upset I am.
Stop the Bleeding. Rescue is Possible. Love is the Movement*
www.twloha.com
Me- Im a complicated person. I don't know who I really am. Im just so different. There really is nothing more annoying than assainments at the beginning of the school year where teachers ask you to describe yourself in one word. How the fuck is anyone in their right mind supposed to do that. Anyone who can do that- screw you. sorry, no more mean comments from me. But the same kind of things apply when I try and write bios about myselft on one of these so called "social networking" sites that my friends have convinced me to set up. What am I supposed to tell people, do people honestly even care? If I have them on my friends page then I want to get to know them by talking to them, not by reading a few sentances or so about who they say they are.
Im a changing person. I've been through alot. Sure, I've got a nice house and a family that's still all together and all that other shit that people see on the outside that makes them think I have a nice life. It ain't all that fun or easy. But as much as I do want to complain or just break down crying, I have found that there are so many more people out there, especially in this typical suburban setting that I grew up in, that have these same problems. twloha is one of the many things that has really showed me that. My mom always isolated me, but I knew I needed to come out of that shell she made for me. Little did I know, doing so would help me more than she ever could. Good God, I've found out that my dad's dad commited suicide before I was born, that my older cousin suffered from panic attacks and depression for many years, and that depressions actually runs in my dad's family. I hate to rip on her more, but she truly doesn't and never will know how it feels to just want to curl up in a ball and cry, or do something even worse. Neither of us can change that.
Im sorry if I keep going off on tangents. But more to the point, I have done many things just to get by. I've been on the brink of death. I've been addicted to overdosing on pain killers. I've cut myself with a simple razor blade in an attempt to calm myself down. I've tried to kill myself- twice. Im not looking for sympathy, and don't you dare give it to me. I don't need it. I've made it this far without any help from a shrink nor my parents. But I know that Im lucky.
That's why someday, I want to help those kids that aren't as lucky. I want to help the kids who can't do it on their own. I want to be a child psychologist. And for right now, I want to support those that share that same mission. Because as my story gets better, the pain is still close at home. My baby sister and the love of my life is already showing signs of depression and anxiety, at the tender age of ten. I know that she is also strong, and that she will not only make it through life, but get through it with a smile on her face and the ability to put a smile on my face, no matter how upset I am.
Stop the Bleeding. Rescue is Possible. Love is the Movement*
www.twloha.com