(no subject)
I have a lashing cruelty in me that I both abhor and rely on. It's an angel that protects me when I'm weak and a demon that cuts me when I'm strong. I try to let it go, but it's with me.
Always with me.
Someone asked me if I'd ever been a fight before, a REAL fight, and I told them no. I spend a lot of nights fantasizing about such an event, but I know I'd lose. I'd never win a fight. I'm weak and I'm sniveling and I can't muster the blunt force to end something heated. But I am cruel and hold long-standing grudges. I find things that people love and I jeopardize them and I take great pride in it.
This is what's in my brain because I don't have any space for love and light. I'm down there holding out hope that something worthwhile will remind me of my humanity sometime, but I don't see it on the horizon.
Most times I think my heart must smell of rotten flesh.
Always with me.
Someone asked me if I'd ever been a fight before, a REAL fight, and I told them no. I spend a lot of nights fantasizing about such an event, but I know I'd lose. I'd never win a fight. I'm weak and I'm sniveling and I can't muster the blunt force to end something heated. But I am cruel and hold long-standing grudges. I find things that people love and I jeopardize them and I take great pride in it.
This is what's in my brain because I don't have any space for love and light. I'm down there holding out hope that something worthwhile will remind me of my humanity sometime, but I don't see it on the horizon.
Most times I think my heart must smell of rotten flesh.