(no subject)
I woke up late today and had trouble getting out of bed. I've been having this problem a lot lately.
My internal clockwork is spinning backwards.
Where my nights used to be pipe smoke and a good book, they're now gin and whisky and violence. My mornings used to be an ironing board and a good shave, but now they are slow and sad and never warm enough. I saw a picture of myself from a year and a half ago and I can't decide if I look healthier or sicklier.
I guess the pendulum has to swing in both directions, though. You can't have one without the other.
I keep wanting to make references to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but I'm afraid that might be a little overindulgent. Enough of that, though.
If there's a fire burning in my head, then I need to harness it. A steam-powered behemoth.
There's a long list of things that I need to do. Accomplishments that may or may not fulfill me, but I won't know until I'm there. Today I'll be painting as objective a picture as I can of what is mine and what will be mine. Then I'm going to map it out.
I want shoes with toes in them, my car tuned up and ready to roll, to cuddle all night long, and to drink chai in Seattle for Spring Break.
I want the smallest farm with a fish pond, a hunting rifle, a german shephard, and a guest house for my friends to stay in.
I want to die laughing and alone. Listening to all this old punk rock is making me mad.
My internal clockwork is spinning backwards.
Where my nights used to be pipe smoke and a good book, they're now gin and whisky and violence. My mornings used to be an ironing board and a good shave, but now they are slow and sad and never warm enough. I saw a picture of myself from a year and a half ago and I can't decide if I look healthier or sicklier.
I guess the pendulum has to swing in both directions, though. You can't have one without the other.
I keep wanting to make references to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but I'm afraid that might be a little overindulgent. Enough of that, though.
If there's a fire burning in my head, then I need to harness it. A steam-powered behemoth.
There's a long list of things that I need to do. Accomplishments that may or may not fulfill me, but I won't know until I'm there. Today I'll be painting as objective a picture as I can of what is mine and what will be mine. Then I'm going to map it out.
I want shoes with toes in them, my car tuned up and ready to roll, to cuddle all night long, and to drink chai in Seattle for Spring Break.
I want the smallest farm with a fish pond, a hunting rifle, a german shephard, and a guest house for my friends to stay in.
I want to die laughing and alone. Listening to all this old punk rock is making me mad.